Sex Cures Migraines And Raises IQ

The German University of Munster found migraines sufferers benefited more from a hot-beef-injection than a cold-nighttime-capsule.

The school published findings in the journal of the International Headache Society. The researchers found half of migraine sufferers who had sex during an attack nailed their symptoms during copulation.

It's also shocking to discover there's a whole society dedicated just to headaches.

Surprisingly male sufferers “even used sexual activity as a therapeutic tool”, they revealed.  Hear that ladies?  The theory suggests endorphins, the brain's natural pain killers are at work.  And as an added bonus, the sex part probably doesn't hurt either.

The Italian University at Pavia found frequent sex raises IQ. People doing the nasties at least three times a week had blood saturated with heightened levels of nerve growth - crucial to mental alertness and brain gain.

Male rats were divided into two groups, one were sex restricted, the other free to unleash at least once a day - this went on for two weeks. The sex crazed rats were doing complex equations by the end of the test, while the abstinence crew had to be restrained from eating their own tales. This time it's the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for memory and learning that's being sent into overdrive.

So what's not to like? Headache or not, dumber than Nancy Pelosi or not, get out there and get 'er done folks. From here it sure looks like the only downside is getting caught with your pants down in a supply closet at work.

Related 
Woman Having Sex In African Bush Mauled By Lion
Man Gets 30-Days Jail For Loud Laughing
Obama's Brother Beats His 12-Wives

Desk Jockeys Prone To Wider, Fatter Asses

Are you sedentary, sitting, sluggish, sloven, torpid?  You are at risk for everything short of a long life..

Sitters are left exposed to multitudinous misshapen and disfiguring distortions of the gluteus maxiumus too hideous to list here.

Research at Tel Aviv University revealed fat cells thrive in the buttocks causing thick layers of flub to develop deep inside muscle tissue. And worse.

Chris Jones, physiologist says ‘The hip flexor muscles, found at the front of the hip, become overactive and tight if an individual spends all day sitting and in response, the three key muscles that give the buttocks their shape – the gluteus maximus, gluteus medius and gluteus minimus – become less responsive and generally under active, leading to poor muscle tone.’

Women are most vulnerable because they store fat in the ass first, says Jones. ‘This is due to an enzyme called lipoprotein lipase, which dictates where fat settles in the body. Females store more fat around the hips.'

Okay, now you have the science, and the obligatory warning - so what?.

The remedy involves squeezing your ass-cheeks several times a day. And don't squeeze from front to back or you will leave your rump radicalized and your vagina powerful enough to snap-off a sex toy or well, you know...other things.

Prostate Surgery Cuts Penis Size

The old good news bad news routine hits victims of prostate cancer.

Boston doctors say some men have complained their manhood is smaller after they got their prostate cancer 'cure.'  The men say it's affecting their sex lives and causing them to regret the type of treatment chosen.

Research in the January Journal Of Urology listed complaints from men undergoing radical prostatectomy (surgical removal of the prostate) or male hormone-blocking drugs combined with radiation therapy.

The men say Sir Spanky suffered shrinkage so severe the desire to put the armor back on has gone. And it is affecting their outlook on life.

Theories are coming up short too. Some think its due to nerve damage eroding the erection. Some suspect it may be connected to a shortened pee-tube (urethra).

The potential penis problem is causing some medical pros to question how they council patients on treatment downside. Should the surgeon warn the guy, or just play the odds on a truncated outcome later on?

Shorten your life or shorten your penis - what kind of choice is that?.

Forget Stuffing Dead Pet - Freeze Dry Instead

Can't let go of Muffy?  There is a way to keep her around, but it won't be cheap.

Eddy's Wildlife Studio in downtown Slater, MO will freeze dry your dead pet. The fee is based on weight but you have to wait a year to get the feckless fur ball back.

And don't expect the stiffened, lifeless frozen likeness to lick your toes or bark and fuss when you come home.

Enter Eddy's quaint showroom and find a scary collection of dogs, cats, a lone iguana and the stray cockatiel or two. There's even a motionless bobcat back in the back but that one was a demo unit, not someones pet.

The process does take one whole year cooling down the carcass in a hulking, freeze-dry metal drum before painstakingly being reassembled, mounted, re-eyed, and returned to their owners.

Most taxidermist shun the trade entirely. They note that unlike a deer, moose, or mountain lion, pet owners become ingrained with every gesture, nuance, poop habit, and sound their deceased dogs made when alive.  So a stiffened likeness most often fails to delight.

But Eddy is a master who seems to get it right enough times that his business has never been better. And there is nothing he won't refrigerate. Be it guinea pig, turtle, ferret, field mouse, finch, spider, or snake.

Spider? Now that's ridiculous.

Casket, Cremation Or Liquification

There may soon be a third way to enter the infinite unknown when an old law in New Hampshire is resurrected this week.

The Live Free Or Die state once allowed people to choose liquification over a casket or oven, but tossed the law 2006.  Now some unseemly seniors want the liquiformed law resuscitated.

Ah, but you really want to know now it works, right?  Okay rubberneckers here you go..

The process uses lye, 300-degree heat and 60 pounds of pressure per square inch to dissolve bodies in big stainless-steel cylinders. Once the stew is cooked grandpa is turned into a coffee-colored liquid with the consistency of motor oil and reeking of a gagging ammonia smell.

Given the smell and the probability of thick gooey motor oil-like taffy leaking out of the urn, loved ones will just have to let the factory pour the remains down a drain. 

Bringing home a vessel oozing coffee-colored grandpa, thick as old motor oil and smelling like a month old baby diaper is not only wrong, it's probably immoral.

Sorry folks.

Gay Guys Dye Poodle Pink Get Attacked

Drawing attention to yourself in public is a foolish praxis.

And what better way to scream 'hey look at me' than to take a walk hand in hand with your gay lover and your newly deep-dyed pink poodle in tow?

Twenty-two-year-old George Mason was arrested for attacking David Beltier and boyfriend, Jeremy Mark.

'You know, we're just walking our dog, we're trying to have a good time, we're just enjoying the fact that we dyed our poodle pink,' whined David.

Suddenly some guy in an SUV pulled up next them yelling homophobic slurs and dissing their dog. 'He was saying, "Your poodle is a weird color and that's just un-American" and "fuck you, you fuckers" and shouting,' Mark puffed.

Next suspect George got out of his car whacked Dave upside the head. Ooops.

'It just really hurts to know people are out there still like that,' David said. 'Who cares if my dog is pink. It's not their dog. So leave me alone.'

The Angle agrees. George is an asshole with anger issues and deserves to be sitting in jail charged with assault and hating pink poodle crimes. Could this have happened if the dog were dyed blue and the two men weren't holding hands? Maybe.

Related
Gay Guys Kicked Out Of Mall For Making-Out

Nancy Pelosi Still Queen Clown Of The House

Nancy Pelosi is an example of  ignorance, delusion, power-crazy and egotism rising in equal proportions in the head of an imbecile.

What has Nancy sputtered now?  “I think he [Obama] should [declare the debt ceiling unconstitutional]...I’m in a different branch of government...What do I know about what the president’s going to do?” the old woman blurted at a press conference.

Without deference to the separation of powers, Pelosi is asking Obama to overtake the function and duty of the House of Representatives. The body in government that has responsibility for budgets and spending.

Remember, the Queen Clown Of The Left was instrumental in crafting and shoving the unconstitutional Obamacare mess down the public's throat.

How could such a lame, ill-informed, brandishing screwball get so high up in the government food-chain? It's a testament to the inept California voters in San Francisco. Heck, the loonie-tunes-city-by-the-bay is even naming a street in Golden Gate Park after the gonzo grandma.

Nancy Pelosi may not be Speaker of the House, but she remains an incontinent threat to the basic fabric and foundation of the country. Nancy is a 'loose cannon' on the ship of state. And as long as she is in congress the chances of her and her breedettes munging up more of the nation remains a clear and present danger.

Bernanke QE Return Of Nazi Counterfeit Ring

The Nazi SS hatched a scheme to destroy the British economy flooding the world with counterfeit Bank of England £5, £10, £20, and £50 notes. 

Begun in 1942, Nazi Operation Bernhard forced 142 Jewish specialists taken from holocaust camps to get the job done.

Jews engraved complex printing plates, developing rag-based paper with perfected watermarks, and broke the code to generate valid serial numbers all considered an impossible feat. By April 1945 Jewish prisoners had produced 8,965,080 banknotes valued at £134,610,810. The Bank Of England had to withdraw all notes above £5 until the late 1950s due to the undetectability of the funny money.

After succeeding with British pounds, the SS had the Jews make US Dollars. A $100 one-sided bill was perfected by April 1945, but luckily too late in the war to be produced in quantity and distributed.

Sound familiar?  The idea was based in solid economic theory, diluting the money supply produces inflation which, if large enough, collapses the currency and ultimately the economy.

The US Federal Reserve QE is exactly the same thing under Obama's weak dollar policy.  Printing dollars, diluting the currency, and possibly collapsing the currency under crushing inflation.  The difference?

Bernanke is doing it legally with bona fide currency.  The Nazi's of course made counterfeit money ironically made by Jews to a degree unmatched in bogus-currency history.  Real or counterfeit - the end result is the same.

Masked Burglar (Son) Shot By Neighbor (Dad)

A black mask wearing 15-year-old Connecticut teen was burglarizing a home yesterday when he was confronted and shot by a neighbor.

Alexis Scocozz arrived home near midnight when she spotted a masked intruder breaking into her house and became appropriately frightened.  So she called her brother and a neighbor to help.

The elder Giuliano told the cops he rushed to his sisters house and confronted the burglar.  He said the masked 'man' had a gun and pointed it at him.  He opened fire without hesitation.  The kid dropped limp to onto the driveway - dead.

When the cops arrived they found Mr. Giuliano sitting on the grass next to the unmasked teen - sobbing.   The boy, Giuliano's adopted son, was a student at a nearby high school.  Mr. Giuliano is a fifth-grade teacher in the same town.

No charges have been filed. Regardless, the real punishment is already being meted out in Mr. Giuliano's head.  And everyone has to wonder what the hell the armed kid was doing trying to steal from his own Aunt.

Related 
Mother Lets Kids Cook In Car On Driveway
17-Year-Old Shoots Self In Driveway
5-Year-Old Boy Run Over In Driveway
Mom Backs Over Kids In SUV
Young Teacher Killed In Driveway
Mom Backs Over 22-Month-Old In Driveway
13-Month-Old Run Over By Uncle
SUV Backs Over Five Small Kids

Pregnancy Flattens Feet Permanently

The boobs are not the only thing that burgeons during pregnancy.  So do the hooves

Research at the University of Iowa found pregnancy permanently changes the size and shape of baby mommies feet.

The culprit is weight. A 100-pound female can put on a smart car in added weight during the ordeal. And that crushes the insole of her tootsies flattening and widening them for life.

Many moms go on to develop painful arthritis too.  Just part of the sacrifice she makes to sustain the species. As it turns out the weight and chemistry contribute to musculoskeletal disorders in the spine, hips, and feet.

So next Mother's Day go out of your way, sons and daughters to laud the woman that not only carried your sorry ass for 9-months inside her body, but likely suffers from a lifetime of ill-effects she never complains about to boot.

And oh yea, maybe kick in a couple of bucks on her Imelda Marcos shoe-swap yard sale - every pair has to go.

7-Year-Old Suspended Over Food Sculpture

Ironically liberal parents screw their kids up being permissive and indulging.  But when it comes to someone else's kid, well, suddenly they're born again hard-asses ready to punish on a pin-drop.

The gun crazed cuckoos drawing paychecks at schools are suspending kids for uttering the word gun in a sentence, or inadvertently shaping food into something they see as a gun.

A 7-year-old Maryland boy was suspended from school for allegedly shaping a breakfast pastry into what his teacher said looked like a gun.

"All I was trying to do was turn it into a mountain but, it didn't look like a mountain really and it turned out to be a gun [they said]," second grader Josh Welch explained.

Word spread quickly so the administrators fashioned a letter in defense of the errant teacher and sent it home with every kid in the school. The salient passage went, 'a student used food to make an inappropriate gesture.'

An inappropriate gesture? It's bad enough the teacher is a trench-mouthed idiot, but sending a letter home with all the kids in the school peppered with vagary and innuendo?  And what about little Josh?  Even if he did make a bagel gun what was he gonna do with it?  Shoot the teacher with ammo made of cream cheese?

It's not Josh that needs his head examined. Can you see the gesture the Angle is making in response? It isn't very vague, we agree.

Related
Teacher Makes Gun Threats On Chalkboard

Gangsta Vodka Outrages San Diego

The arrival of a vodka named for gangbanger central is pissing off San Diegoans.

San Diego has an embedded and fierce gang infestation. Likely the most feared and dangerous among them is MS13 which was born in the south east end of town.

'Southeast Red'  has arrived on ghetto shelves as the high-octane intoxicant of choice. Even at $20 a bottle the venomous vodka is flying out liquor store doors. And to make sure the customer has the right booze, the product's label is adorned with a map of the areas gangs control.

Resident Mario Lewis isn't happy criticizing the idea as 'disgraceful' to 'portray a community in gang-banging terms'. Bishop George D. McKinney says 'This I believe is negative notoriety. I fear this vodka ... will target people who are already struggling with so many problems.'

San Diego has become gang killing central. Even besting records mounting in Chicago and Detroit. No wonder residents are upset. But don't blame the hooch, blame the hooch makers feeding flames down in gangland and making a buck to boot.

Related
5 Best States For Small Business
10 Top Cities For Porn
5 Safest States Absent Gangs

Men Remove Veinee Drinker's Nose Cosmetically

WC Fields was famous for his bulbous, veinee drinker's nose.  Fields was indeed a heavy drinker and died of an alcohol-related stomach hemorrhage.

Boozing to excess batters the liver and destroys the brain. The after-effects also turn the nose and face into a swamp of water-logged tissue and little red veins. It's like a billboard flashing 'sucking the sauce is my life' kinda signage.

To counteract the telltale carnage men are getting their noses ground down and the veins removed at a record pace now.  Not so much for vanity but to fend off retribution from bosses who may suspect heavy drinking.

Dr Peter Finigan, vein removal specialist says, 'Some of our patients have said they believe they are being overlooked for promotion or failing to win jobs because of the stigma associated with a red nose...'

And guess how Peter does it? With microwaves. The patient-sot lays under a medical microwave machine and the veinee culprits are 'cooked' off.

Oh, you were eating your lunch? Sorry.

Texas Students Forced To Recite Mexican Pledge

There is a 'quiet' war being waged by U.S. country haters working in public schools.  Would you be surprised to learn there are schools in Texas where students are forced to sing the Mexican national anthem and pledge allegiance to Mexico?

McAllen, Texas is right on the border and across from Reynosa, Mexico. McAllen schools have a policy that excuses students from reading or knowing the US Declaration of Independence. Worse, the school district prohibits any school from forcing a student to say the American Pledge of Allegiance.

Instead, the Mexican anthem and pledge of allegiance is the standard. And when Brenda Brinsdon's daughter refused to recite the Mexican baloney her teacher, Hispanic Reyna Santos took retribution ultimately flunking her daughter from class.

Mrs Brinsdon is suing. The school district and thus the taxpayer will likely be made to pay for the abuses in the school district.

The larger trend is troubling. The left-wing 'progressive agenda' has infected schools nationwide and they are on a quest to brainwash and turn American kids against their own country.  Sounds radical?  Consider Obama's pal Bill Ayers is one of the leaders of this movement.  Still surprised?

Related 
Texas School Islam Brainwashing
Anti American Crap In Tuscon Schools
Oakland Teachers Anti Capitalism
Texas Lawmakers Going After School Radicalism
School Principal Bans 'God Bless America'
Obama Lowers School Standards

Good News Bad News On Male Longevity

The good news. A medical miracle discovery has revealed men can live to 100  after a 5-minute procedure done under local anesthetic.

The bad news.  The 'procedure' is full castration.

Researchers in Korea discovered 13th thru 19th century eunuchs outlived fully testicled peers by a significant margin. The incidence of centenarians among Korean eunuchs is 130 times greater than long-livers in other countries.

Some say the high quality of life inside the palace may be the reason.  But the researchers noted the spayed males spent more time outside the walls of the castle than inside rubbing elbows with the concubines.  And the monarchs who carried a full complement of genitalia to their deathbeds lived about the same average length of time as other fully equipped males.

So, if a long life is really, really extra really important to you - scoot your package onto the chopping block.  The doctor will be right with you.  Better prepare yourself for a life of tenor singing and hard to find well-fitting boxer shorts.  It's gonna get a little breezy down there for the balance of your ride..

Related
Older Women Sport Bras Stop Droop Bounce
Fat Men Prone To Prostate Cancer

Rogue School Principal Bans 'God Bless America'

Kindergartners at PS 90, the Edna Cohen School in Coney Island are banned from singing ‘God Bless the USA’ at a promotion ceremony.

Principal Greta Hawkins, the Cheshire cat grinner left, has decided it will 'offend other cultures'. What other cultures?

Greta Hawkins, a Jehovas Witness, has tried this before. A few years ago she halted reciting the Pledge of Allegiance and singing ‘America the Beautiful’. Staff objected and she backed down.

Greta is a known tyrant and bully say staffers. The errant malcontent was reprimanded in 2010 by the Department of Education after complaints were filed Greta had called the school racist.  ‘I’m black. Your previous principal was white and Jewish. More of us are coming,’ Greta was alleged to crow.

Seems long past due that Greta be shown the door so she can be free to practice her anti-country, anti-Semitic,  full frontal race hate over at the NAACP where she belongs.  And not in front of a kindergarten full of innocent kids.

Anyone else notice the anti-American theme during the Obama regime?   And the recurrence of these incidents in public schools?  Coincidence?

Related 
White Student Returns MLK Scholarship For Blacks Only

Failing Schools: Obama Lowers Standards

Education Secretary Arne Duncan issued a waiver system to give failing public schools a pass.

The No Child Left Behind law is just too tough.

The waivers are a direct order from Obama, Duncan said.

No Child Left Behind requires every student proficient in math and reading by 2014. Failing public schools have been unable to meet the scaled requirements, and have been lobbying Obama to get out.

Duncan warned 82% of U.S. schools are in danger of failing under NCLB. Twenty states have been granted waivers. The first ten are Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, Oklahoma, Tennessee and New Mexico.

Students, of course, won't be able to compete with Chinese and Indian kids.  Sow today and reap failure tomorrow. Obama will get $100k per lecture after he is out so his family will be fine, thanks for asking.

Related 
Atlanta Public School Cheating Scandal
NAACP Joins Unions in Quest to Keep Failed Public Schools Open
21 Schools In Madison County, AL Fail
Detroit - Public School Failure Monumental
Obama Lowers Standards In 10 States 

Google Glasses Lie Detector Dongle

Oh man get ready.  The entire art of human interaction is about to get pimped.

MIT is perfecting technology that sees a lie. The video filter shows color, motion, and breathing changes none of which can be controlled or stopped despite a person lying their ass off. 

The Eulerian Video Magnification technology was first made to monitor the breathing of premature babies.

The technology will quickly find a home on everyone's face and turn even the meek into steely, staring, sinister sleuths.

Cops will use it to arrest the guilty for a change. Car buyers will use it to defend against predatory salesman. Wives will use it to keep the penis from wandering. Live poker will be made obsolete because bluffing will be impossible. Even Obama's useful idiot voters will be able to see through the transparent First Liar, finally.

Snap the sneaky bugger onto a pair of Google Glasses and snag yourself a sleazebag people.

Maxine Waters Sings Jobs Scare Song

Yesterday Maxine Waters's tripped on the trail of tumid and turgid tongue transgressions trying to compound the fright tactics of the Obama administration over his sequestration cuts. 

Remember, Maxine was the toad from California and senior member of the black caucus that announced the solid footing Fannie Mae under Frank Raines was on just before Fanne and Freddy took the econ down.

So is it a surprise when Maxine announces, 'We don’t need to be having something like sequestration that’s going to cause these jobs losses, over 170 million jobs that could be lost.'

Wow, scary indeed. Psst. Maxine, you did know that there are 150 million in the ENTIRE workforce?

Asked again the addled Maxine retracted, she meant to say 170,000 losing their jobs.

Obama's sequestration cuts 2% in the INCREASE in spending over last year.  Obama will still spend $50 billion more this year than last year!

Maxine is smoking something and we know what it is: Obama weed.  Same goes for Sheila Jackson Lee.

Related 
Record Gas Tax Hike In CA Today
Obama Wants $1 Trillion In New Taxes
Chicago Cig Tax Hike Costs Blacks $11 Per Pack 
Harry Reid Muscles Press 
Obama Doubles Down On Fear Mongering

Endangered Species Windmill Wipeouts

The sky is falling, the earth is warming, the caps are melting, the seas are rising, run, run, run you fools...  The refrain from the crazies in the green fascist cults tire the senses.

Little in nature is more dangerous than a half-cocked left-wing simpleton ready to trash everything in the name of 'climate change.'

Even the idea of generating electricity using solar panels and windmills is a laugh.

While China makes jobs making windmills and solar panels to please the greenies.  Windmills are wiping out animal life in a major way across the country.  Both wind and solar cannot compete without heavy government subsidies and exemption from the law.  So the green goons have all of us who pay taxes indirectly paying to kill endangered species.

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service says over 440,000 birds are killed by wind turbines annually. Most are species protected under the Eagle Protections Act and the Migratory Bird Act.  Guess what?  Windmills are exempted from the laws.  Good thing because EACH violation can get you a stiff $250,000 fine or two years in jail or both.

“There is a pernicious double standard here,” writes Robert Bryce of the Manhattan Institute. “Over the past two decades or so, the Interior Department has brought hundreds of cases against the oil and gas industry and the electricity-generation sector for violations of the Migratory Bird Treaty Act and the Eagle Protection Act.”

But there is one bright spot if you hate bats. Just in Pennsylvania alone more than 10,000 bats bit the blades — an average of 25 bats per turbine per year. Multiply that across the country and you get a nifty clean-out of the insect eating mammals in the range of 500,000 or so.

Hey, but we are displacing 1/10th of 1 coal plant with all the wind and solar generation. About .8% of the total power needed to run our little rundown country.

Anyone else notice the deafening silence from PETA?  PETA the pack of loons more ready to go naked in public to protect cattle than to put on their clothes for the slaughter of majestic bird life.