Korean Kissie Coffee Cups

Not on Starbuck's radar yet...behold the kissie coffee cup lid from S. Korea.

Jang WooSeok invented it, but can't get the name right...his idea?   'Take Kiss Out.'

Which proves the point, don't let your inventors market their own ideas folks.

Zooming past the creepy aspect, how about Coffee Lips or Kiss Of Java ? Anyone else feeling frisky and full of names?

#BlackLivesMatter Cop Killer

Houston Deputy Darren Goforth, 47, was getting gas for his patrol car when black felon Shannon Miles allegedly ambushed and fired several rounds into his back, killing him instantly.

Two days ago the #FYF911, #FukYoFlag and #BlackLivesMatter called for lynching and hanging of white people and cops on a radio show heard in Texas.

An unidentified black caller said “when those mother fuckers are by themselves, that’s when when we should start fucking them up. Like they do us, when a bunch of them niggers takin’ one of us out, that’s how we should roll up.”

Darren was a 10-year veteran and leaves a wife and two kids.

Rattlesnake Selfie Fail

Californian Alex Gomez, 36, has a hand rotting off in a hospital after playing chicken with a rattlesnake.

“I’m shocked that he would have that thing wrapped around his neck,” Alex’s mother said. “It could’ve bit his neck, and that would have been it. That’s just being a fool.”

Alex’s nephew was standing nearby when Gomez whipped out his cell phone and grabbed the snake.  “It was really [long] and had ten rattles on it, it was rattling...It was pretty mad.”

Wonder which part of it's a rattlesnake got past Alex's frontal cortex first?

20% Of Ground Beef Tainted

Obama quietly legalized horse meat for slaughter in 2012.

Later in 2012 PETA gave Obama a pass after he confessed to munching on dog meat as a kid.

Researchers at Chapman University's Food Science Program randomly sampled 48 portions of ground meat products.

The result?

Ten samples were mislabeled, for example black bear turned out to be American beaver. And two samples of ground beef were laced with horse meat.

Shrink: Hillary Is Lonely

Dr. Alma Bond is a psychoanalyst who has been studying Hillary Clinton for years.

Dr. Bond blames Hillary's dad Hugh Rodham, a curtain salesman who died in 1993 for making Hillary lonely, uncommunicative, and abused.

Dr. Bond says Hugh was a brute who excessively spanked all the kids, including Hillary. The old man verbally abused Hillary's mom and describes the marriage as 'sadomasochist'.

Apparently Hillary's choice of bad-boy womanizer Bill was no accident. And now, according to Dr. Bond, Hillary needs a strong woman to keep her company...

And Hillary wants to be our latex salesman....

EPA's 300 Million Tons Of Poop

Obama made a 2008 promise to sick the EPA on farms and livestock.

Nearly 8 years later more than 300 million tons of animal poop a year are poured into lagoons and later used as manure to grow crops.

Left-wing greenies say the farms must shutdown and stink must stop.

After all, no one needs food, right?

Jihadist Cannabis Fatwā

A fatwā is an Islamic legal pronouncement, issued by a mufti...a kind of cross between a para-legal and a choir boy.

ISIS gets regular fatwā updates before throwing gays off buildings and beheading Christians, for example. 

This week's fatwā comes from a Moroccan called Salafi: A married man who believes his wife to be ugly may take cannabis before having sexual relations with her. 

In short, if after pulling off the Hijab Mr Johnson runs for cover, fire up the Hookah.  If she's still too tough to take trade-up for a big dog instead.

Man Gets Bionic Penis

This story requires no innuendo, embellishment or hyperbole.  So strap-in...

Mohammed Abad, 43, has undergone three years of pioneering surgery to attach an artificial penis and make it work like the real thing.

Mohammed lost his 'original' in a horrific traffic accident at age six after being hit by a car and dragged for eighteen-hundred feet.

“When you want a bit of action [an erection] you press the ‘on’ button [implanted in a testicle]...It takes seconds," Mohammed explains.

Now Mohammed dreams of having kids.  But first he's gotta find a woman with a big, wide sense of humor.

Beer Goggles: Fact Or Fiction?

Does drinking pervert perception and permute plain Jane's and nerdy Ned's into rock stars?

Bristol University recruited 311 people and packed them off into procession of pubs. After putting away a profusion of palliative potables the dipsomaniacs were asked to ponder their procreative perceptions of other people.

The result?   Bupkis...

Researchers found no connection between the booze and bird-dogging the pub-owners' daughters. In short, there's no such thing as 'beer googles'.

Bra Personality Test

Professor Patti Wood, a body language expert at Emory University wrote the book on bras.

Ms Wood says personality types are tied to how one parks the rack-pack into the Double Barreled Booby Holster each morning.

'There are four distinct personality types - drivers, influencers, supporters, and careful correctors,' Patti says.

Supporter - fasten behind-the-back (requires youth and flexibility)
Influencer - fasten front then rotate and slide-up
Commanding - front-loading front-fastening fast-fastidious-fun 
Careful Corrector - fasten-in-hand drop-over-head slide-down and smile

Okay ladies, now you know and no fair changing method just to 'fit' into a desired personality pigeonhole.  You are who you are, and so are the badoinkies you were born with...

Streetwalker Italian Style

You know her as prostitute, courtesan, escort, hooker, ho, harlot, whore, working girl, moll, and streetwalker.

In Nevada 'sex workers' are restricted to eighteen counties  All are licensed, work in a bawdy house, and must get annual medical checks of their working parts.

In Italy the street sluts snarl traffic and spread disease. So what's the answer?

Milan forces the boulevard bimbos to wear fluorescent yellow construction vests or face 'stiff' fines near $600.

So rather than corral and control the ladies like Nevada does, the Italians just want them to stick out in traffic better!

Who has a superior solution, you be the judge...

Coffee Cancels Cancer

Once in a while something you eat, drink or do when the mood strikes doesn't cause cancer.

The Dana Farber Cancer Institute in Boston discovered about 460mg of caffeine a day (4 coffee cups) cut the odds of bowel cancer returning by 42%.

Coffee is also crapping on other cancers such as postmenopausal breast cancer, melanoma, liver cancer and advanced prostate cancer.

An extra added bonus? Imbibe the bold brew sans sugar and fend off Type II diabetes too.

Snack Food Snarking

According to Jill Weisenberger, a  registered nutritionist the single life is a super-highway to snack food foreordination.

Jill says,  “it’s hard [for singles] to shop and cook for one...[snacks] are individually packaged and often have a very long shelf life...also, people do not have cooking skills.”

There are 85 million clinically obese Americans and another 50 million well on their way to rolly-polly land.  And almost 30% of adults are sitting alone single, sinking their sorrows in a sack of salted suety spuds and sodas.

A perilous and ponderous permanence of furtive nay fruitless futility.

WiFi Shunting Shorts Hits Shelves

The Faraday cage jockey shorts from WirelessArmor.com can block 99.97% of WiFi signals - especially the ones coming from the cell phone in your pocket.

'We are exposing ourselves to unprecedented levels of electromagnetic radiation and this is showing with our declining sperm counts and increasing cases of cancer,' says Dr Fiona Mathews, of Biosciences at the University of Exeter.

Not sure how it's a 'we' for Fiona given she lacks a ball-sack, but 'we' get the point anyway.

So the next time she asks if that's a cell phone in your pocket or are you happy to see her forget the little joke - stand-up and stretch a Faraday cage over your boys instead.

Bumble Bee's Man Tuna

Bumble Bee Foods paid $6 million to settle criminal charges due to the death of a plant worker.

Jose Melena, 62, was cooked inside a 35-foot long, 270-degree kettle he was repairing.

Seems a co-worker assumed Jose was in the bathroom and dumped six tons of canned tuna over the hapless father-of-six...then turned the oven on.

Jose's body was found two hours later after the pressure cooker was turned off, cooled, opened and emptied.

Tragic.

Mom Uses Toddler To Drive Drunk

Why does April King still have access to a car and her infant kids?

King left her two and four year old in a SUV while she loaded up on booze in the Froggers Bar and Grill.

A few minutes later King was video taped by the cops sitting behind the wheel as her four-year-old son blew into a breathalyzer to start the car.

King's already had 'several' DUIs. Dad Doug King said April should stay in jail since rehab hasn't worked.      Ya think?

Six Words Women Scorn

Underwear maker Knixwear.com asked 500 women what words vexed them most...the answer?

Top of the list? Moist.  Followed quickly by Squirt, Panties, Chunky, Curd and Flap.

Moist is no shock, after all what women want most is to be moist, right?  Even squirt, panties and chunky make some sense.  But what's with curd and flap?

Hey lady, your flap is open.  Excuse me ma'am, did your curd just coagulate? 

Well, one wonders why the 'C' word or 'B' word didn't make the list.  Especially since SOME women wear them so well...

Dad Blocks Daughter Rescue

What kind of father stops lifeguards from rescuing his drowning daughter?

'...suddenly the 20-year-old girl started drowning and screaming for help...[the large Asian dad] prevented rescuers from reaching the girl... the man said if the men touched his daughter [they] would dishonor her. [The dad] told them that he prefers his daughter being dead than being touched by a strange man.'

She drowned.

The Muslim 'father' has been prosecuted. Obama insists these animals are 'misunderstood.'

Suicide From Breast Implants

Dr Loren Lipworth, of the Vanderbilt University Medical Center boiled down mortality data from 3,527 Swedish females who had boob jobs between 1965 and 1993.

The findings lined-up with previous research indicating a 3X increased risk for suicide, alcoholism and drug addiction.

Some suggest women who buy bigger bikini stuffers already have psychiatric disorders, including low self-esteem.

The good news? The plastic pointer-sisters don't increase cancer risk.

Dead Scientist Too Toxic To Touch

Depressed David Shingler stole enough potassium cyanide from work to kill twenty men.

The 54-year-old was discovered in his car on the side of the road. Paramedics were summoned.  But reviving the hapless scientist was futile.

The white powder on the dashboard meant trouble.  Dave was double-bagged in two cadaver-pouches...he was too toxic to touch or undergo a post mortem.

Such determination might have been better spent in the service of others, but David decided on a different way out..

Hominid Food Fight

Did man 'evolve' in Africa and migrate to Asia and Europe? Or was it the other way around?

The popular view says Homo erectus was first to leave Africa. But new analysis says the earlier and tinier Homo habilis, or 'Handy man', was first to take the hike.

A controversial species called the Hobbit of Flores didn't come from Homo erectus says Mark Collard, an evolutionary biologist Simon Fraser University. Instead Homo habilis was the species daddy.

If true, then Homo erectus and Homo sapien walked back to Africa, and not the other way around.