Black Lives Matter Ten Demands

Ironically the current incarnation of the KKK are just a bunch of boy scouts compared to the hard-core haters in ANTIFA and Black Lives Matter.

Trump said as much after Charlottesville and left-wing fascists charged out to roaste him and make shrill calls for his impeachment.

Can blacks be racist?  Consider these from the list of Black Lives Matter head Chanelle Helm's demands:

1. Whites must give their homes and property to black people.
2. Whites who inherit property must give that to black people.
3. White developers must build housing and give it to black people for free.
4. Whites with large houses must let black people move in.
5. Whites leaving property to family must instead leave it to black people.

Laughable huh?  But then, that's how Lenin, Mao and Hitler started too, remember?

Fat People The New Negro

The left needs victims.

Which is why blacks are joined by lesbians, gays, transsexuals and college kids 'exposed' to conservative campus speakers allegedly harmed by angry white males.

Oregon State University just approved a course entitled “Fat Studies” which argues “weightism” is a civil rights issue.
 
The course concentrates on “body weight, shape, and size as an area of human difference subject to privilege and discrimination that intersects with other systems of oppression based on gender, race, class, age, sexual orientation, and ability.”
 

Presumably the eventual intent is to jail anyone making fun of a fat person, except another fat person of course.
 

How about that for a load of lard?

Tranny's Triple Switch

Tired of seemingly interminable tales of tawdry tranny trouble?  Too bad.

Ria Cooper was born a boy and became Britain's youngest sex-swap patient at fifteen.  But Ria hit a wall.  She twice attempted suicide after turning to drugs, was a victim of violent relationships and dabbled in prostitution.

So at eighteen Ria endured the unendurable transition back to gay male. 

Astonishingly after five years as a guy Ria says he/she/he wants to be a she again. 

Why?  Ria says, “I’d love a child of my own, I’d love to have a baby to cuddle and love and look after as they grow up. It’s not going to happen overnight, I know that. But I can dream can’t I?”

Well, don't feel too sorry for the surgery addict.  British taxpayers foot his/her/his/her bills thanks to their single-payer NHS system. 

You know, the system that's also bankrupt.   Wonder how that happened?

Penis Pasty Unsafe

Most know donning a condom (love glove) is like taking a shower with your socks on.  So some are turning to Jiftip.

The product is a kind of dick tip tarp.   The company says it's the way to “Feel your partner, Feel Freedom, Feel Safe.”

What's the catch?  For starters 99% of the yogurt slinger is still exposed to STDs.

And possibly worse?  It blocks and backfires the ejaculation shoving semen into your bladder (doctors call it retrograde ejaculation). 

In the infamous words of Bill Clinton, nice try Jiftip, but no cigar.

Hypochondriacs Live Longer

Neuroticists (including Hypochondriacs) are emotional shit houses filled with sadness, low self-esteem, anger, anxiety, feelings of guilt, and frustration. 

The neuroticist tries to compensate by being hostile and depressed.  And they often smoke, do drugs and drink themselves to death.

But somehow hypochondriacs manage to live longer because they obsess over every little tick and tingle and go to a doctor with both real and imagined illnesses.  At least that's the theory in a recent study.

Good news for the wacky worry warts but what about the rest of us driven into early graves thanks to their whining and gnashing of teeth?  Don't we get a study too?

Female Futzes Face To Dodge Debt

How far will one go to avoid paying personal debts?  Well, let's ask  59-year old Zhu Najuan from Wuhan, China.

Zhu was ordered by a court to pay a 25 million yuan ($3.71 million).  Her solution?

Hop a train using stolen identity and credit cards to Shenzhen and get her face re-arranged by a plastic surgeon.

"We were very surprised at the scene," the cops reported. "She looked in her thirties and was different from the photos we had."

Zhu was clever but not clever enough!  The cops had a before picture in hand and a sneaking suspicion in a city famous for plastic surgery a customer before picture may match...sure enough....

Erection Coffee Yanked From Shelves

The FDA says Bestherbs' Kopi Jantan Tradisional Herbs Coffee contains desmethyl carbodenafil, a drug similar to Viagra.

So Bestherbs pulled the product from production.

The desmethyl carbodenafil could interact with nitrates prescribed for men with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol or heart disease and lower blood pressure to dangerous levels.

So if you're good with a woodie from your morning coffee then ignore the warning.  Just remember your coworkers may not appreciate the brew's effect as much as you.

Son Of Cecil Slaughtered

Xanda was shot and killed just outside Hwange National Park - near the spot where lion dad Cecil was beheaded and skinned two years ago.

The hunt was legal since Xanda, Cecil's oldest cub ventured just beyond the park boundary.  So don't blame the hunters.

Blame the lions for ignoring park boundaries, right?

Harvard: Masturbation Cures Cancer

Finally a cure for cancer no one can refuse.

Harvard published fresh research in the European Urology journal.  The study followed 32,000 men and their prostates.  The fun part?  Chocking the chicken lowers cancer risk by up to 33 percent!

This translates into 21 ejaculations per month or 252 penis pops per annum.

Apparently toxin build-up inside the walnut sized organ is the culprit.  So lack-o-nookie produces the  ponderous prognosis in men where 30 percent by age 50 have prostate cancer and 100 percent by 80 are scourged. 

So get in there guys and get going.  And if the wife objects give her the good news...it's her everyday or or get out of the way.

Gay Crossbow Shoots Gay Dart

The Christian Defense League of Texas alerted DHS about a new weapon the LGBTQ community has developed to turn vigorous straight guys into raging homoerotics. 

The ATF has seized a mini-crossbow which fires a toothpick sized dart. The CDC's genetic-predisposition division says the puissance and potency of the darts are palpable.

The CDC says the symptomology include strong guilt-ridden memories of heinous gay acts and worse.  The victims germinate a ghastly gaydar and become inescapably drawn to gay bars, parades and bathouses.  Some were even picked-up prowling laundermats hunting for women's underwear.

The ACLU, ATF, BLM, CDC, CDL, DOD, DOJ, EPA, FEMA, FBI, ICE and IRS are asking for your help.  If you see someone acting queerly call a cop immediately.

The straight you save may be yourself...so far there is no known cure.

PETA: Beef Blocks Sex

“Meat and dairy clog your arteries and can lead to erectile dysfunction.” PETA's billboard blasts near downtown Dallas.

PETA VP Tracy Reiman said, “PETA’s cheeky billboard will have Dallas diners swapping that deadly date-night steak for a vibrant veggie burger in a heartbeat.”

Sure it will.  What's the real beef Tracy?  Confess.

Gore On A Mission From God?

After decades of pulpiteering spurious prophecy snake oiler Al Gore is flaming out.   So what's the shyster to do?

Gore's doubling down on his film "Inconvenient Truth" and releasing “An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power.”  

Gore pronounces, “God intends for us to take responsibility for how we treat God’s creation...the consequences are attributable to us...I think God intends for us to open our eyes and take responsibility for the moral consequences of our actions.”

Gore the Holy Crusader for Climate Change!   Al's hubris reaches it's full efflorescence zenith.

Crazed Ken Doll Collection

Mattel says sales slides force Ken & Barbie to change.

Ignoring the anachronistic names Ken and Barbie as the possible culprits the company is instead remaking dolls in THEIR version of customer's image.

Last year Barbie showed up fat, svelt and somewhere in between topped with blond, red, blue and Afro style hair. 

Yesterday Ken showed up the same strange way.

Ken now ranges from the corpulent, bespectacled Michael Moore model to the oddly inappropriate Jihadi version complete with suicide bomb and AK47.  Oh and lets not leave out the man-bunned ambiguously gendered tranny model too.

So will the little girls (and gender confused boys) go for the new lines?  Or will the two dolls and the kids that buy them get replaced by androids in the end?  Stay tuned.

Pee Privilege Panic

Northern Arizona University is admonishing students to park their “pee privilege.”  Defined as, “never [having] to think about gender identity, ability, or access when peeing.”

Anonymous school officials say transgender students are getting hammered with verbal, sexual, and physical abuse somewhere near the urinals. 

So pee-ers must “Keep yourself accountable...this person...[doesn't] fit into either restroom.” 

The truth is jack-booted feminists resent sitting to pee.  And the transgender pee policy is just the de jure deflection of the day.

Chocolate Milk From Brown Cows

We know the public is dumb because at least half of them vote for Democrats.

And we don't expect much from kids.  For example a 2011 study found half of 4th, 5th, and 6th-grade students didn't know pickles were cucumbers or that onions came from plants.

But what about the 'grown-up?'

The U.S. Dairy Innovation Center surveyed over 1,000 adults in April and found nearly 10% thought brown cows make chocolate milk.  No one dared ask them where cows come from, luckily.

The 'backward' people from farming communities knew the answers. 

But the Obama/Hillary voters living in big blue cities like New York, Chicago, San Francisco and Los Angeles are the loose-cannons that don't know where basic foods come from, folks.

2.2 Billion Obese

A third of the world's population are now clinically obese.  Doubled since 1990.

Not talking bulky, big boned, bulging, bovine, beer-bellied, or chortling chubalitos.  We refer to full blown flabanatted fat farms.

And it's killing people faster than any other disease and crippling them with type 2 diabetes, hypertension, liver disease and cancer.

Man Blows Big Bucks Becoming An Elf

Some say the 'old' bi-gender designation M/F is obsolete.   So why not obliterate the entire idea of Homo Sapien and become an Elf?

Luis Padron, 25, from Buenos Aires, was bullied as a kid.  So he escaped into a fantasy world of fictional creatures, literally. 

After blowing $32,000 on liposuction, nose/ear job, skin  bleaching, full body hair removal and permanent eye color change the goon has morphed into an Elf.

But Padron ain't done yet.  He's still gotta get a heart-shaped hairline and a limb lengthening to reach 6ft 5in tall.  Who says Elves are tiny turds?

Padron is ridiculed more now than ever and won't ever get a date on Match.com.

But Elves are known for sexual threats, seducing people and causing harm.  So Padron's real motives are not all that mysterious.

Coffee Shop's Rape Sign?

Leftists came up with 'safe spaces' to suppress free speech.   And soon after coined 'rape culture' to demonize white males.

The two concepts came together when a Brooklyn coffee shop mounted a humorous bathroom sign, left.

'How is anyone supposed to feel safe?' wrote Instagram user arteye. 'You're normalizing rape culture and sexual assault against women or any person who would be bothered by someone peeking in on them in the bathroom."

Clever Roast owner Luca Tesconi says, 'I like to make jokes, so I googled funny bathroom signs.' 

Wife Nadia Tesconi suspects the much-ado-doo-about-nothing kicked-off when a customer got upset laptops are not allowed during busy times.

But after death threats started the Tesconi's took the sign down.  And oh yea, laptops are still not allowed during busy times.

Woman Masturbater At Walmart

Monday a Louisiana Walmart security camera recorded 33-year-old Shaniqua Johnson shoving sausages under her shirt and then bolting for the bathroom.

The security guard knocked on her stall door and after no response swung it open and gazed upon a scene he said would “haunt his dreams forever.”

Yes.  You guessed it.  Shaniqua was ramming Jimmy Dean sausage into her nether region with furious pace and abandon.  The guard complained, “she didn’t even stop...she just stared at me and kept going.”

Given Shaniqua's size and raw indifference to discovery the little 140 lb security guy got scared and ran for help.  Some seven cops were needed to wrestle the sausage and Shaniqua to the ground.  Shaniqua faces beefs of shoplifting, indecent exposure, and resisting arrest.

Walmart stated they "do not tolerate this type of behavior" and point to bathroom signs clearly warning "no merchandise is allowed beyond this point."

But Shaniqua's solo saunterings prolly justify adding something about auto-erotica to the signs.   That or shed cigar shaped comestibles from the meat department.

Native Americans Not Native Nor First

Archaeologists have discovered evidence of human hunters from over 130,000 years ago - 115,000 years earlier than once theorized in North America.

And LONG before ancestors of so-called Native Americans crossed over the Bering Land bridge at the end of the last ice retreat 13,000 years ago.

Researchers found butchered remains of a mastodon in San Diego.  The chips and fractures could only have been made by early humans.

American Indians are not native and not first.  So the US government shouldn't give preferences to the red devils.  Right folks?