Son Of Cecil Slaughtered

Xanda was shot and killed just outside Hwange National Park - near the spot where lion dad Cecil was beheaded and skinned two years ago.

The hunt was legal since Xanda, Cecil's oldest cub ventured just beyond the park boundary.  So don't blame the hunters.

Blame the lions for ignoring park boundaries, right?

Harvard: Masturbation Cures Cancer

Finally a cure for cancer no one can refuse.

Harvard published fresh research in the European Urology journal.  The study followed 32,000 men and their prostates.  The fun part?  Chocking the chicken lowers cancer risk by up to 33 percent!

This translates into 21 ejaculations per month or 252 penis pops per annum.

Apparently toxin build-up inside the walnut sized organ is the culprit.  So lack-o-nookie produces the  ponderous prognosis in men where 30 percent by age 50 have prostate cancer and 100 percent by 80 are scourged. 

So get in there guys and get going.  And if the wife objects give her the good news...it's her everyday or or get out of the way.

Gay Crossbow Shoots Gay Dart

The Christian Defense League of Texas alerted DHS about a new weapon the LGBTQ community has developed to turn vigorous straight guys into raging homoerotics. 

The ATF has seized a mini-crossbow which fires a toothpick sized dart. The CDC's genetic-predisposition division says the puissance and potency of the darts are palpable.

The CDC says the symptomology include strong guilt-ridden memories of heinous gay acts and worse.  The victims germinate a ghastly gaydar and become inescapably drawn to gay bars, parades and bathouses.  Some were even picked-up prowling laundermats hunting for women's underwear.

The ACLU, ATF, BLM, CDC, CDL, DOD, DOJ, EPA, FEMA, FBI, ICE and IRS are asking for your help.  If you see someone acting queerly call a cop immediately.

The straight you save may be yourself...so far there is no known cure.

PETA: Beef Blocks Sex

“Meat and dairy clog your arteries and can lead to erectile dysfunction.” PETA's billboard blasts near downtown Dallas.

PETA VP Tracy Reiman said, “PETA’s cheeky billboard will have Dallas diners swapping that deadly date-night steak for a vibrant veggie burger in a heartbeat.”

Sure it will.  What's the real beef Tracy?  Confess.

Gore On A Mission From God?

After decades of pulpiteering spurious prophecy snake oiler Al Gore is flaming out.   So what's the shyster to do?

Gore's doubling down on his film "Inconvenient Truth" and releasing “An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power.”  

Gore pronounces, “God intends for us to take responsibility for how we treat God’s creation...the consequences are attributable to us...I think God intends for us to open our eyes and take responsibility for the moral consequences of our actions.”

Gore the Holy Crusader for Climate Change!   Al's hubris reaches it's full efflorescence zenith.

Crazed Ken Doll Collection

Mattel says sales slides force Ken & Barbie to change.

Ignoring the anachronistic names Ken and Barbie as the possible culprits the company is instead remaking dolls in THEIR version of customer's image.

Last year Barbie showed up fat, svelt and somewhere in between topped with blond, red, blue and Afro style hair. 

Yesterday Ken showed up the same strange way.

Ken now ranges from the corpulent, bespectacled Michael Moore model to the oddly inappropriate Jihadi version complete with suicide bomb and AK47.  Oh and lets not leave out the man-bunned ambiguously gendered tranny model too.

So will the little girls (and gender confused boys) go for the new lines?  Or will the two dolls and the kids that buy them get replaced by androids in the end?  Stay tuned.

Pee Privilege Panic

Northern Arizona University is admonishing students to park their “pee privilege.”  Defined as, “never [having] to think about gender identity, ability, or access when peeing.”

Anonymous school officials say transgender students are getting hammered with verbal, sexual, and physical abuse somewhere near the urinals. 

So pee-ers must “Keep yourself accountable...this person...[doesn't] fit into either restroom.” 

The truth is jack-booted feminists resent sitting to pee.  And the transgender pee policy is just the de jure deflection of the day.

Chocolate Milk From Brown Cows

We know the public is dumb because at least half of them vote for Democrats.

And we don't expect much from kids.  For example a 2011 study found half of 4th, 5th, and 6th-grade students didn't know pickles were cucumbers or that onions came from plants.

But what about the 'grown-up?'

The U.S. Dairy Innovation Center surveyed over 1,000 adults in April and found nearly 10% thought brown cows make chocolate milk.  No one dared ask them where cows come from, luckily.

The 'backward' people from farming communities knew the answers. 

But the Obama/Hillary voters living in big blue cities like New York, Chicago, San Francisco and Los Angeles are the loose-cannons that don't know where basic foods come from, folks.

2.2 Billion Obese

A third of the world's population are now clinically obese.  Doubled since 1990.

Not talking bulky, big boned, bulging, bovine, beer-bellied, or chortling chubalitos.  We refer to full blown flabanatted fat farms.

And it's killing people faster than any other disease and crippling them with type 2 diabetes, hypertension, liver disease and cancer.

Man Blows Big Bucks Becoming An Elf

Some say the 'old' bi-gender designation M/F is obsolete.   So why not obliterate the entire idea of Homo Sapien and become an Elf?

Luis Padron, 25, from Buenos Aires, was bullied as a kid.  So he escaped into a fantasy world of fictional creatures, literally. 

After blowing $32,000 on liposuction, nose/ear job, skin  bleaching, full body hair removal and permanent eye color change the goon has morphed into an Elf.

But Padron ain't done yet.  He's still gotta get a heart-shaped hairline and a limb lengthening to reach 6ft 5in tall.  Who says Elves are tiny turds?

Padron is ridiculed more now than ever and won't ever get a date on Match.com.

But Elves are known for sexual threats, seducing people and causing harm.  So Padron's real motives are not all that mysterious.

Coffee Shop's Rape Sign?

Leftists came up with 'safe spaces' to suppress free speech.   And soon after coined 'rape culture' to demonize white males.

The two concepts came together when a Brooklyn coffee shop mounted a humorous bathroom sign, left.

'How is anyone supposed to feel safe?' wrote Instagram user arteye. 'You're normalizing rape culture and sexual assault against women or any person who would be bothered by someone peeking in on them in the bathroom."

Clever Roast owner Luca Tesconi says, 'I like to make jokes, so I googled funny bathroom signs.' 

Wife Nadia Tesconi suspects the much-ado-doo-about-nothing kicked-off when a customer got upset laptops are not allowed during busy times.

But after death threats started the Tesconi's took the sign down.  And oh yea, laptops are still not allowed during busy times.

Woman Masturbater At Walmart

Monday a Louisiana Walmart security camera recorded 33-year-old Shaniqua Johnson shoving sausages under her shirt and then bolting for the bathroom.

The security guard knocked on her stall door and after no response swung it open and gazed upon a scene he said would “haunt his dreams forever.”

Yes.  You guessed it.  Shaniqua was ramming Jimmy Dean sausage into her nether region with furious pace and abandon.  The guard complained, “she didn’t even stop...she just stared at me and kept going.”

Given Shaniqua's size and raw indifference to discovery the little 140 lb security guy got scared and ran for help.  Some seven cops were needed to wrestle the sausage and Shaniqua to the ground.  Shaniqua faces beefs of shoplifting, indecent exposure, and resisting arrest.

Walmart stated they "do not tolerate this type of behavior" and point to bathroom signs clearly warning "no merchandise is allowed beyond this point."

But Shaniqua's solo saunterings prolly justify adding something about auto-erotica to the signs.   That or shed cigar shaped comestibles from the meat department.

Native Americans Not Native Nor First

Archaeologists have discovered evidence of human hunters from over 130,000 years ago - 115,000 years earlier than once theorized in North America.

And LONG before ancestors of so-called Native Americans crossed over the Bering Land bridge at the end of the last ice retreat 13,000 years ago.

Researchers found butchered remains of a mastodon in San Diego.  The chips and fractures could only have been made by early humans.

American Indians are not native and not first.  So the US government shouldn't give preferences to the red devils.  Right folks?

Huffpo: End White Male Vote

A leftist toad over at Huffpo wants to strip white men of their voting rights.

Student sycophant Shelley Garland self-describes as an “activist and a feminist” and says she's “working on ways to smash the patriarchy” and the “toxic white males” retrograde force in politics.

Garland insists white males are to blame for the recession of 2008, 500 years of colonialism, Brexit, and the election of President Trump.

A daunting directory of delusions.

The 2008 recession was thanks to Bill Clinton who jammed subprime lending rules into Fannie Mae.

Colonialism? How about Africans enslaved each other for thousands of years and were rounded up by Arabs and sold to the Spanish, Portuguese and Brit slave traders?  Still happening today.

Brexit and Trump of course are the direct result of millions of disaffected people from all races and creeds unseating the globalist left.

Well, given Garland looks like a white guy maybe this is more self-hate than anything else?

Brothel Bust From Clogged Sewer

Juan Wang and hubby Joseph Emery were running a whore house at Jade Massage Therapy in Austin, Texas.

Business was bold, bustling and brisk.  But one day an industrial disposal unit connecting the building to the city’s sewer service was choked off and clogged with condoms. 

The cops got warrants and raided Wang's weenie-works catching naked patrons and prostitutes in the act.  A search of Wang's domicile also turned-up $66,000 cash in a safe.

The couple had a dozen damsels living at the house.  Wang waxed, “most would tip between $40 and $120 [for the a la carte] on top of a standard $60 charge [for back and butt rubs]."

"Milk" And "Tomahawk Missile" Are Racist

PETA has a new video belching, “Did you know that milk has long been a symbol used by white supremacists?”   The screw-loose-leftists insist milk is the neo-Nazi drink of choice and has “long been” a symbol used by white supremacist groups as a “thinly veiled allegory for racial purity.”

But the milk and cookies don't stop with the PETA pukes.  On April 8th the toad-in-chief at Mother Jones, Clara Jeffrey tweeted, "That the missiles are called tomahawks must enrage a lot of Native Americans."

Clara got scalped trying to co-opt American Indians and what they might like or dislike.

Hitler preferred meth to milk.   And the Indians have bigger issues than military names for missiles but then what else do left-wing goof have going?

7 Executions In 11 Days

Arkansas hasn't had an execution in twelve years.  So death row is packed like sardines in a salty tin.

The state’s midazolam supply (sedative) expires at the end of April and a fresh batch is in short supply.

Originally Gov. Asa Hutchinson okayed eight in eleven days but a judge has delayed the die date for one of the inmates beyond the drug's expiration.

Four blacks, three whites will dies this month and that has anti-death-penalty goons going gaga.  Tough

Convict Hides Gun In Butt

Twenty-three-year-old Jesse O’Neal Roberts was standing in line being booked at Alabama’s Limestone County Jail when a gun fell out of his butt.

Officers surmised Roberts pooped his pants but the gun was found in the bottom of his boxer shorts on first frisk instead.

When Roberts was arrested for burglary the cops thought he was drunk or crippled.  But the real reason was far more repugnant.

The brandishing butt burglar was charged with carrying a pistol without a permit, “first-degree promoting prison contraband."    What?  No law covering a firearm rammed up a rectum?

California Pandemic Warning

California Dept of Public Health issued a March 31st dire alarm warning two invasive (non-native) mosquito species named Aedes aegypti (the yellow fever mosquito) and Aedes albopictus (the Asian tiger mosquito) are breeding like wildfire in 10 counties (160 cities).

These are the Zika, dengue, chikungunya and yellow fever mosquitoes.

The CDC suspects the century-record rains in the sinking state combined with large existing populations of these dangerous disease vectors will lead to a world-wide pandemic on a scale equal to or exceeding the 1957 Asian flu pandemic.

Thanks again Jerry 'Bonehead' Brown and your merry band of deleterious Democrat Party dolts.

N Korea Nuke Ship

North Korea may detonate a nuclear bomb in a US harbor using a freighter instead of a missile.

James Woolsey, ex director of CIA told congress, "...an atomic bomb hidden on a freighter sailing under a false flag into a U.S. port, or...fly a nuclear 9/11 suicide mission across the unprotected border with Mexico [would put] New York, New Orleans, Los Angeles, and San Francisco, San Diego, Phoenix, Austin, and Santa Fe...at risk."

Woolsey added, "A Hiroshima-type A-Bomb yielding 10-kilotons...would cause about 200,000 casualties..."

Worse?  North Korea may even have a Hydrogen bomb.  Such a bomb would kill millions.

Still think it's a game liberals

N Korean Defector Says Kim Jong Un Will Use Nukes: ‘World Should be Ready