Woman Banned From Walmart For Drunk Cart Driving

Slow news day folks.  So let's do a Walmart shopper story...where the bizarre-o world meets the retail world and never fails to get a laugh.

The cops in Wichita Falls Texas were summoned at 6:30AM to a Walmart.  A woman was driving an electric cart erratically around the parking lot.

After a brief search, the cops confronted her in a nearby cafe where she confessed to drinking wine from a Pringles potato chip can while nearly falling off the electric cart trying to find her car.

The woman escaped a DUI because she was not caught on the cart or in her car  But she didn't escape a lifetime ban from Walmart.  The Pringles company hasn't handed down their final verdict yet.

Human Composting Legalized

Few states are crazier than loony-tunes California.

For example, in the cuckoo state, your dog must not chase a bear or bobcat.  You are prohibited from blocking sunshine from shining on anyone.  You can't shoot at anything from a moving car unless it's a whale. And no pets are allowed to have sex within 1500 feet of a bar, school or church.

But don't let Washington State stay left out.  They're gonna allow dead bodies to be composted.  That's right. Unembalmed dead relatives will be left to decompose in a chamber piled high with organic material like woodchips or straw. In a month, presto; out comes a cubic yard of compost. 

The crap is then bagged up and handed back the family.  Where hopefully it gets spread in THEIR backyard and not on a crop anyone else has to eat.  Scary huh?

Steering Wheel Stops Drunk Driver

A drunken California driver tried to sneak back into a Cathedral City gated community on New Years Eve to evade arrest.

As he leaned over to enter the gate code the hapless future felon fell out of his pickup-truck (left) and was later found dangling outside the door with a foot caught in the steering wheel.  Immobilized.

The fire department sawed-off the steering wheel so the California CHP could arrest and haul him and his steering wheel off to jail.

The unidentified goof is charged with suspicion of drunk driving and hit-and-run.

Sisters Beat Brother To Death Over Cupcake

Glenndria and LaShirley Morris are going on trial this week charged with multiple felony counts including murder, aggravated assault, and first-degree cruelty to children.

The sisters repeatedly struck their three-year-old brother, Kejuan Mason with a baseball bat for taking a cupcake from the kitchen.

Glenndria begged the judge to lower her bond, but the boy’s mother objected. The judge sided with mom.  Oh, and check this story out too.

Oregon Road Kill Now Legal To Eat

Oregon joined nineteen other states today in allowing road kill to be eaten, at least legally.

The Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife will issue a free "roadkill salvage permit" to drivers who wish to carve up the kill for their tables.

Ah but there's a catch.  To prevent poachers from driving all over Oregon roads looking to run over animals the state requires animal heads, skins and antlers to to be turned over within five business days.

The state did not issue a health warning about plucking bits of chrome or plastic from bumpers or lifting asphalt from skidding the creature for miles under the car before throwing the steaks on the barbie...so consumers are on their own in that regard.

Sexual Assault: Tall Men, Short Women On Dates

A sexual assault case saw testimony this week that should send chills down the spine of every sex-foot or taller male student at Missouri University.

Former Vice Chancellor of Student Affairs Cathy Scroggs and current Assistant Vice Chancellor for Civil Rights Andy Hayes argued it could be considered sexual assault for a tall male student to ask a short female student out on a date.

Hayes also insisted that tall male students call his office to get a ruling on whether the date would be based on a “legitimate purpose,” a turn of phrase from the university’s student handbook used to determine harassment.

War On Men

Men are under attack worldwide.  Not from wars, bullies at school or rough sports. No. But from man-hating women hell-bent on destroying men entirely. 

I feel ‘man-hating’ is an honorable and viable political act, that the oppressed (women) have a right to class-hatred against the class (men) that is oppressing them. Robin Morgan, Ms. Magazine Editor.

Since marriage constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that the women’s movement must concentrate on attacking this institution. Freedom for women cannot be won without the abolition of marriage. Sheila Cronin, head of NOW.

Schools in Scotland were recently ordered to teach eight-year-olds that ‘boys can have periods too.’

School officials rationalize this twisted idea saying, “By encouraging effective education on menstruation and puberty, we hope to reduce stigma and ensure no child or young person feels shame in asking for period products inside or outside of school if they need them."

Think this crap won't show up in a school near you?  Better think again...

61% Of Black Kids Aborted

Blacks are about 12% of the US population and declining, why?

An astonishing 61% of black kids, or 1800 per day are victims of legalized abortion.

Some 70% of black kids that do get past abortion end up living with a single parent. 

Which leads to 40% of prison inmates being black and a shocking 1 in 3 black males becoming felons.

Where are black leaders on these important issues?  Throwing the race card around and blaming whites for their plight.

Polar Bear Shot

The polar bear, left was killed after attacking a German cruise ship worker on Norway's Svalbard archipelago last week.

Svalbard has seen five such polar bear attacks in 40 years.

The 2011 bear attacked a group of 14 on a British school trip.   A 17-year-old died and that bear was also killed.

Polar bears are protected in Norway unless, of course they maul and/or kill people.

Science Diamond Strike

Science has found a $196,652,180,432,376,780,220,792,832 cache of diamonds.  That's 196 septillion and change for the science inclined.

The catch?  The diamonds are 100 miles down.

The deepest hole ever dug do date is the Kola Superdeep Borehole which was 9 inches in diameter, 7.5 miles deep and took almost 20 years to dig.

If someone does manage to drag them up you can assume all existing diamonds will suddenly become less valuable than common table salt.

Armless Artist Stabs Tourist

Ninety pound South Beach, Fl artist Jonathan Crenshaw is homeless, armless and for years painted prodigiously with just his feet to the delight of tourists.

But last Tuesday around midnight Crenshaw grabbed a pair of scissors from his waistband (using a foot of course) and stabbed tourist Cesar Coronado.

Coronado's girlfriend says they were just asking for directions (at midnight).

Crenshaw's rap sheet includes trespassing, disorderly intoxication, vandalism, and battery on police officers, firefighters and city code inspectors.  But not with a pair of scissors until now.

Local newspapers say the artist claims he lost his arms when his mother fed him rat poison.

Crenshaw also says Gloria Estefan gave birth to 200 of his children.  So there's that too.

Read more here: https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article214692415.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article214692415.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article214692415.html#storylink=cpy more here: https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article214692415.html#storylink=cpy

Penis Pictures For Science

A Missouri State U sociology professor wants your manhood.

Prof Alicia Walker is amassing measurements of men's penises both erect and flaccid for a research project.

“The purpose is to investigate how men feel about their bodies in a culture where we place emphasis on size, including size of penises,” Walker says.

The catch?  You have to be over twenty-two years old.  But luckily all types of “men,” including “[Assigned Male At Birth], [Assigned Female At Birth], Post-Phallo, Intersex, Genderqueer” are allowed.  Whatever those terms mean.

Email your lap-lizards to Prof Walker if you wanna get your dick into the mix but be forewarned, ya gotta be persistent.  Her email server is flooded.

Man Crushed Carrying Mom's Casket

As the mother's coffin was being raised by pallbearers up to the lakkian (funeral platform), the ladder shifted and collapsed. 

The coffin fell onto son Samen Kondorura, 40, and trapped the other pallbearers.  Samen's head was crushed and he died on the way to the hospital.

The whole thing was captured on video and posted on YouTube.  Some 300,000 rubberneckers have already taken a look...we post it here to test your ghoulish guts

Carrying A Cancer Gene?

Iceland knows who is predisposed to cancer. But the government is keeping it a secret. Why?

When all the Icelanders volunteered to give DNA samples they did not give permission to be told the results.

About 0.8% of Icelanders carry the breast cancer BRCA2 gene.  The same gene that threatens males with untreatable prostate cancer.

"That is utter...bullshit," says Dr. Kári Stefánsson (founder of DNA testing company deCODE). "There is a tradition in...society, to save people who are in life-threatening situations, without asking them for informed consent..."

Iceland's use of "presumed consent" was ultimately deemed unconstitutional.  And Stefánsson's outrage does seem a little 'convenient' given his connection to deCODE.

Read more here: https://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/nation-world/article213014904.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: https://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/nation-world/article213014904.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: https://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/nation-world/article213014904.html#storylink=c

Read more here: https://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/nation-world/article213014904.html#storylink=cpy

The Delusional Generation

We had the great generation (won WWII), the baby boomers (born after WWII), Gen X (baby bust), Xennials (disco gen) then Gen Y Millennials (the Delusionals).

The Delusionals born between 1980 and 1994 now 24 to 38 years old are supposed to be post college and well into their careers of choice.  But instead faced the post Democrat Party Subprime crash and eight years of Obama's failed economy.

The result?   Despite a few of them hitting it big, like Mark Zuckerberg and Kyle Jenner most still live with their parents and have crushing college debt.

The Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis, found the net worth of an average family headed by someone born in the 1980s fell 34% below expectations in 2016.

Despite 24% never expecting to own a home, 75% not expecting to marry and 30% uninterested in parenthood half expect to be millionaires before 60.

How about that for a tidy delusion folks?

Top Ten Ways Blacks Keep Racism Alive

Why do black racists want and need racism kept alive?

There is a carload of cash to be made and a ponderous pile of political power to be wielded.  Just ask Jesse Jackson, Al Shaprton, Louis Farrakhan, the Congressional Black Caucus, fascist Hollywood and the 'Fake News' Media.

Here are ten hints you're facing a race hustle:
  1. Victimhood invokes false sympathy. Sympathy used to control and ridicule.
  2. Identity Politics.  Blacks vote for blacks, whether incompetent or even criminal.
  3. Racism Everywhere/Always.  The false idea all blacks are victims of racism always.
  4. Reparations. False idea that blacks alive today are owed cash for slavery. 
  5. Reverse Racism. False idea that blacks can never be racist.
  6. Ignore Reality.  Blacks use the past to justify acting badly in the present.
  7. White Privilege.  False idea whites get preferences when in fact the opposite is true.
  8. White Guilt. Left wing whites swill in self-flagellating guilt...for them it's better than sex.
  9. Segregation. Ironically blacks are demanding to be segregated from whites now.
  10. Whitepeople.  The word contraction blacks use to demean and denigrate.
Obama's presidency was by all measure a complete waste of money and time.  But Obama did manage to re-light the cold war and re-divide the country along racial lines.

Cockroach Milk Next Superfood?

Science says the Pacific Beetle cockroach of Hawaii which oozes non-dairy milk-like crystals power-packed with turd-loads of nutrients.

The study says,  “A single crystal is estimated to contain more than three times the energy of an equivalent mass of dairy milk.”

Two companies already have 'food' products containing the crap.

Africa's Gourmet Grubb says, “Think of Entomilk as a sustainable, nature-friendly, nutritious, lactose free, delicious, guilt-free dairy alternative of the future.”

Canada’s Entomo Farms says, “Yes, there will be people who think [insects] are icky or have a yuck factor, but the ingredients are so versatile.”

Sure...and so is eating a rack of roadkill but who's gonna go there?

Cops Taser Man Sexing Car

“We were called to the 1200 block of East Broadway to a report of a naked male underneath a car, he was attempting to stick his penis into the tailpipe of the vehicle.”

Lt. Scott Powell of the Newton (Kansas) Police Department said the man did not obey police commands to cease and had to be zapped with a stun gun.

The man was later charged with misdemeanor lewd and lascivious behavior and a restraining order was issued on behalf of all parked and moving vehicles in the vicinity.

Green Haired Turtle Near Extinction

Scientists estimate that 150-200 species of plant, insect, bird and mammal become extinct every 24 hours.  

Elusor macrurus, the green haired turtle that makes the Mary River it's home has been pet-hunted to near extinction.

Aside from the green mohawk and dangling flesh-pods from it's chin, Elusor has gill-like organs inside its cloaca (genitalia) enabling it to stay underwater for up to three days.

So why care about this goofy animal?  No reason really...unless you want the last one.

Celebrity Foreskin Facials

Celebrities are self-centered, narcissistic, aggrandizing, overweening and vain.  We tolerate their malodorous politics because they entertain us.

But how far is too far, even for a celebrity?

Cate Blanchett, Sandra Bullock and Oprah are getting 'penis facials' made from cloned cells harvested from amputated male-baby foreskins.

Anti-circumcision groups wonder if Oprah would like a face-full of material “produced with tissue extracted from the genitalia of little girls?”   As if gender is the issue?