Muslim Cleric's Video Touts Wife Beating

The video shows Abd Al-Aziz Al-Khazraj demonstrating how to "punish" a woman in accordance with Islamic law.

“This is a painless beating that does not leave bruises or cause bleeding...some wives like domineering and authoritative husbands. By nature, they like violent and powerful husbands."

"With some women, admonishing them and refraining from sharing their beds won't help. The only thing that helps with such women is beating. She needs to feel that you are a real man. That's her nature."

Did you see what Muslim terrorists did to Christians worshiping at an Easter service in Sri Lanka today?  A death toll of 207 and over 400 maimed.

Odd how the world once eradicated such crazed behavior in Germany and Japan but today seems somehow impotent to deal with Islamic extremists in the same way.

Son Sues Parents For Destroying Porn Collection

An Indiana man (nicknamed 'Charlie') has filed a civil suit against his parents for destroying an estimated $30,000 worth of personal pornographic films and other tawdry stuff.

Middle-aged Charlie moved back in with his parents after a costly divorce.  He agreed to do housework in lieu of rent.  After only ten-months a 'domestic situation' developed and his elderly parents kicked him out.

Charlie's parents took all of Charlie's personal stuff to his new digs.  Minus the porn collection, of course.

Charlie's dad explained the missing porn in an email: "We counted twelve-moving boxes full of pornography plus two boxes of 'sex toys' as you call them. We began that day the process of destroying them and it took quite a while to do so."

Charlie went ballistic and called the cops. But the cops found no wrongdoing and filed no report.  Charlie then sued his parents for double the stated value, $86,000 (the difference to cover pain and suffering, no doubt).

According to Charlie's dad, the destruction of the porn was an ancient threat made good.  Charlie was allegedly his high-school's porn pimp and at that time his dad told Charlie he would destroy any porn found in the home (even if it appeared decades later).

So far the only thing Charlie seems to be winning is a butt-load of humiliation as the rest of us are made privy to Charlie's tawdry tale and twisted set of priorities.

Smart Toys Targeted By Hackers

The “Teksta Toucan Electronic Toy” microphone and speaker can connect to any Bluetooth device such as a cellphone, home router or laptop computer automatically.

Hackers on the net have penetrated the microphone and use them to listen to conversations.  Hackers can also speak over the device directing kids to possibly get into trouble.

Soon Teksta Toucan will have robotic eyes too...oh joy!

Smart dolls “Calya” and “i-Que” are made using the same technology.  Hacking one, however can result in violating the Children’s Online Privacy Act in the USA. Still none have been blocked from or taken off the market. 

Got any in your house yet?

"Consent Condom" License To Rape?


Brazilian condom company Tulip├ín says their new "Consent Condom" packaging can only be opened by two people using four hands. 

Why a four handed condom?

The company says the requirement ensures the consent of all participants in any wanton carnal exploit about to occur...

The theory is laughable and dangerous, why?
  1. Rapists don't wear condoms.
  2. Change your mind?  Too late, you opened the consent box. 
  3. Arrive with the box already opened by you and your pals.
  4. Your girlfriend and you have two arms and two hands, right?
  5. Regret the sex later?  Your word against the consent box.
  6. Sweaty from foreplay?  See if two bystanders can help.
Is sex consent really getting this hard to get?  Just ask Brick Dollbanger, sex robot beta-tester.  Consent?  You gotta be kidding.

Bearded Men Harboring Bacteria Booby Traps

A study concluded at Switzerland’s Hirslanden Clinic made a critical and disturbing health-related discovery.

MRI scans of 18 bearded men and 30 dogs from random breeds revealed microbial counts on the bearded men far exceeding colonies camped-out on the dogs.

Clinic professor Andreas Gutzeit noted: “The researchers found a significantly higher bacterial load in specimens taken from the men’s beards compared with the dogs’ fur.”

Seven of the men were actually shown to have bugs hazardous to human health. The type and level of infestation would normal make them eligible for quarantining.

Upon hearing the bad news, Keith Flett, founder of the Beard Liberation Front, founded to promote facial hair complained, “There seems to be a constant stream of negative stories about beards that suggest it’s more about pogonophobia [the fear of beards] than anything else.”

You can't make stories like this up, folks.  And this one is no exception.

Wild Turkey Kills Motorcycle Rider

Medical personnel in hospital emergency rooms refer to motorcycles as 'donor-cycles.'

Despite heroic efforts, the rider-victims usually die and are usually young enough to yield some pretty usable organs; harvested while the bodies are still warm.

But a 70-year-old motorcyclist was killed after losing control of his bike when a twenty-five pound wild turkey slammed squarely into his chest.  The man's left leg was severed below the knee after striking a guardrail.

Paramedics managed to stabilize him well enough to make the ride to the hospital but he died anyway.

Dog Owners Happier Than Cat Owners

The well-respected General Social Survey asked questions about dogs and cats for the first time.  Why? Because 6 in 10 households own at least one.

Non-owners to owners seem the same in regard to general happiness.  But dog owners are twice as likely as cat owners to say they lead happy lives.

Why?

An older 2013 study found dog owners are more likely to go outside and make friendships.  Dog owners can also seek comfort from their pet in times of stress, more likely to play with them, and more likely to consider their pet a member of the family.

Cats by contrast are aloof, untrainable, and could care less about their owners.  The animals also carry some serious diseases such as cat scratch and human zombie virus.  And play host to a number of other parasites.

Since cat owners are less happy this news will no doubt anger and confuse them.  But lets face it...ever heard of a Canine Police cat?  A post-disaster rescue cat?  Seeing-eye cat?  Bomb sniffing cat? Or drug interdiction cat? Nope.

Teachers’ Unions Oppose Bill Making Sex with Students a Crime

Rhode Island is one of the few states where it's legal for teachers and other school employees to have sexual relations with the students.

RI HB 5817 would make such contact between teachers and students a crime.

The two largest teachers' unions, the NEA (National Education Association) and UFT (United Federation Of Teachers) sent emissaries to oppose the bill.

Teachers' unions are a big reason public schools are failing.  They protect incompetent teachers, oppose competition via school vouchers, push to drive up costs and lower standards.

Why would they oppose protecting kids from teacher predators?  Why indeed

Swallowing Semen Maximizes Fertility

Researchers from Leiden University Medical Center in the Netherlands compared the pregnancy history and oral sex habits of 234 women.

Ladies who regularly performed the Hoover Maneuver on hubby/boyfriend and swallowed appeared more likely to get pregnant and less likely to suffer miscarriages.

Researchers surmised swallowing semen strengthens a pregnant woman’s immune system and helps her create a healthier fetus.

Semen contains hormones and proteins from a man’s body.  Women usually get the dose doing the dirty deed.  But it appears going down-town adds to the flavor and fun and gets the job done too.

Not sure how this information can be used. But better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.

CA DMV Rejects

The California DMV rejects “any personalized license plate configuration that [carries] connotations offensive to good taste and decency.”

Whose taste?  Whose decency?   Those civil servants at the agency with a GED an average IQ in the hamster range.

Recent rejects include:
  • BEMYBAE (Bae means 'poop' in Swedish. You knew that, right?)
  • CC8JWS (8 is 'hate' and JWS is 'Jews'  easy peasy.)
  • ITSLIT (see it?  'SLIT' referring to a vagina? The wife says this all the time.)
  • 420EDDI (c'mon dude, trying to roll 420 by us?)
  • SCHLAFR (Schlafer is 'sleeper' in German. You know, a terrorist cell.)
  • BMWHNTR (no way this Audi driver gets on our roads with this threat)
  • ONW2BYB (censors got: 'on my way to bang you bitch'.  whew!)
  • HUF4RTD (did you get 'who farted' right away?  I didn't.)
  • DICKOUT (okay, maybe. the driver said it was his son moving out, finally)
  • NO2KOCH ('no to cooch' say censors, but it's really 'no to cock' right?)
  • DCKXTSN (you see 'dick extension' here?  censors did.)
  • BLUEME (can only mean 'blew me' right? who are these censor guys?)
  • MOBYCAT ('Moby dick' is certainly banned, but 'Moby pussy' too?)
  • 808B8D (does this look like a text penis to you?  they say yea.)
  • HOTNSXE (the driver was a middle aged woman, DENIED!)
  • FUKTRMP (I thought everyone in CA thinks this...)
  • GTNBSY (driver was working single mom...who's she trying to kid, right?)
  • FSHBALL (no real reason, just can't say 'ball' folks.)
  • GASPASR (driver an anesthesia nurse. censor asks 'are you gassy?')
  • GAYMUR (like 'ball' has 'gay' in it)
  • WELUVPS (driver? 'we love palm springs' censor? 'we love pussy')
  • SHIKSA (not even Yiddish slurs are allowed)
  • S8TAN (guess the Goths don't get to play either)
Still wanna take a shot at a personal plate?  Fuhgetaboutit, which was also rejected.

Heart Attack Toilet Seat

Inventors at the Rochester Institute of Technology in New York have prototyped a $2000 toilet seat that automatically detects a heart attack in the making and sends critical data to doctors via Wi-Fi.

The seat has sensors pressing against your ass that pickup signs when oxygen volume in your blood is low.  When blood pressure is high and when smaller amounts of blood are being pumped with each heartbeat the alarm is issued.

Heart failure isn't curable but it is treatable. If left untreated a weak heart can cause breathlessness, tiredness and dizziness.  And eventually death.

Pooping trials are now under way with 150 high-risk candidates.

Woman Dies From Five-Hour Sex Session

A 32-year-old woman, known as 'The Beast', collapsed after a five hour, drug-fueled, carnal-lympics with a crippling case of cardiac arrest.

Her sex partner called for an ambulance but it never arrived.  So he wrapped her in blankets, tossed her into a taxi and sped off to the University Hospital of Valle in Cali, Columbia.

Despite heroic efforts to revive her, doctors pronounced her dead as she lay on the table.

The cops questioned the man and learned of the mutual participation in the horrendous, multi-hour wanton marathon.  And released him back into the wild.

'The Beast' did set the bar, however.  Limit lust time to something less than five hours and you should be good to go.  And oh yea, have an adrenaline filled cardiac needle near the bed, you know, just in case.

Court Rules Victim Too Ugly To Be Raped

Italy’s Justice Ministry ordered a new hearing after an all female appeals court panel overturned a rape verdict characterizing the victim female as too masculine and ugly to be a credible rape victim.

The Peruvian woman, who was allegedly raped by two Peruvian males, has since returned to Peru. Her attackers apparently inflicted genital trauma during the attack so severe that she required stitches and a lengthy bed rest.

Small riots broke out in front of the court house

Opium-Addicted Parrots Raid Poppy Fields

Neemuch is a town in the Indian state of Madhya Pradesh where the main cash crop is opium poppies.

"One poppy makes 20-25 grams of opium. The parrots feed on the plants 30-40 times a day. Wiping out our profits," Neemuch farmers complain.

The hopped up parrots can strike at anytime.  So cultivators are forced to guard their fields day and night.  "We make loud sounds and use firecrackers. But nothing helps."

Anyone feel sorry for the strung-out parrots or the pukes growing the poppies?

Tranny Wins Track Championship

Transgender teen Andraya Yearwood almost topped the field in the Connecticut state girls track and field championships.

But there were two other transgender teens competing and they took the top spots, trouncing the other actual females who stood none to zero chance of winning.

Gay tennis legend Martina Navratilova recently a wrote an op-ed piece railing against transgender athletes saying biological men competing with women is “insane” and “cheating.”

Navratilova was immediately attacked by Athlete Ally whose "mission is to end the rampant homophobia and transphobia in sport and to activate the athletic community to exercise their leadership to champion LGBTQ equality."

The pub says Navratilova is “transphobic” and “has been removed from our Advisory Board and as an Athlete Ally Ambassador, effective immediately.”

Lesbians At High Risk Of Obesity

A study at the University of East Anglia’s Norwich Medical School involving nearly 100,000 gay men and women focused on BMI (fat index) to see if a correlation exists between weight and sexual identity.

Researchers found women who identify as lesbian or bisexual are at hyper risk to become overweight or obese, compared to heterosexual women.

However, and oddly conversely, gay and bisexual men are more likely than heterosexual men to be underweight.   Either direction is considered unhealthy.

The assumed culprit?  The school says stressors like homophobia and heterosexism (whatever that is) push gays into either a frenzy of feasting or a drought of drink and larder.

Dare we add these dangers to all the other land mines gays are saddled with (teaser on a future story on gay land mines)....

Medical Doctors Endangered

Forty-four percent of MDs surveyed this year said they were depressed, feel long-term, unresolvable job stress, detachment and burnout

One MD a day ends their own life — the highest suicide rate of any profession.

In 2014, Dr. Hawkins Mecham was putting in 100 hours a week.  Everything was coming apart, including his marriage. “And then I just snapped,” the 33-year-old says.

Mecham slit his wrists in a motel room, losing so much blood he passed out.  When he woke up he wrapped bandages on his wrists and drove to an ER.

Nearly two-thirds of MDs are pessimistic about the future of the medical profession.

Forty-six percent plan to change career paths. Seventeen percent are retiring.  And twelve percent want to find a job where they don't have to deal with patients.

Finally, over half say they don't want medicine as a career for their kids.

Good Cops Bad Cops, Really Bad Cops

Johnny Wheatcroft was a passenger in the Ford Taurus his wife was driving when two Glendale cops stopped them for a turn signal violation.

Minutes later body cams recorded Wheatcroft handcuffed lying face down and tased 10 times.

But wait, there's more.

Wheatcroft was still moving, so officer Matt Schnieder started to kick him in the groin, yanked his shorts down and tased him a final time in his testicles.

The ordeal was witnessed by the pair's 11- and 6-year-old sons.

Independent law enforcement experts have since assessed the officers’ conduct was unlawful, potentially criminal, and one of the most cruel and troubling cases of police misconduct they’ve ever seen

Monkey Kidnaps Two-Year-Old

Apparently monkeys in India like to snatch human infants.  Some say they want a playmate.  Some say they're species confused.

In Haryana, India a monkey took a toddler and refused to release the kid despite being confronted by several bystanders.

Seemingly innocent, the situation has led to tragedy for others.

A newborn was found at the bottom of a well in Odisha last year. 

The baby slipped out of the hands of the simian as it stood over the well.  The infant drowned.

Age Six Sets Adult Income

A 30-year study concludes young anti-social boys will earn less as adults.

Grade school teachers in Montreal rated 920 6-year-old boys according to quantified levels of inattention, hyperactivity, defiant behavior, aggression and empathy.

Thirty-years later the tax returns of the 36-year-old men were matched against the old scores.

Hyperactivity and abhorrent psychosocial tendencies lead to lower incomes.  And those are the boys that didn't end up in prison!

So if you want your kids to do well later make sure they draw inside the lines, don't kick a another kid in the crotch, and do what the damn teacher says...conformity and playing nice is everything, even in Kindergarten!