Man Disabled By Penis Size

Mexican national, Roberto Esquivel Cabrera is packing the world's largest penis.  The lap lizard record holder hangs in at an astonishing 18.9".

Mr Cabrera's uncircumsized Mr Johannes is so long, heavy and unweildy the sad sack has been placed on disability.  He says can't wear a uniform for work, run or even kneel to get things done.

So why not reduction surgery?

Roberto says a porn career is in his future, "I am happy with my penis and I wish to go back to the USA and spend the rest of my life over there...I would...make a lot of money over there."

Trump's wall can't go up fast enough, folks.

Teacher Tells 3rd Graders Santa Is Dead

Teaching was once a noble profession.  Then left-wing seculars showed up and turned schools into dens of sexual abuse, psychological damage and worse.

A 3rd grade substitute teacher at Sterling Elementary School in Mentor, Ohio maliciously shattered Christmas for her students.

“She immediately just broke into tears, and she said the teacher told her Santa Claus isn’t real, Christmas isn’t real and Christmas elves aren’t real — it’s all made up. I was angry...I want to know why she felt it was OK to shatter a childhood...,” parent Ashley Coughenour complained.

The school's principal was furious, immediately making consoling calls to the kid's parents.  The school district banned the teacher from classrooms.

Schools nationwide are festering with goons like this teacher and kids are being damaged as a result.

San Francisco Solves Homeless Horror, Sorta

Deceased San Francisco mayor Ed Lee formed the Department of Homelessness and Supportive Housing last year due to the explosion of poor in a town full of tech wealth.
The city spent $275 million on the problem in 2016 up from $240 million in 2015.  Still, 2017 is projected to tsunami over $305 million.

Cleanup crews can't keep up.  North of 679 tons of trash and more than 100,000 used syringes clog the corners where the downtrodden dwell.

So now what?  How about blocking vagrants from vacant spaces with colossal crud-covered boulders?

The homeless simply squeeze between and sleep among the big rocks so now the city says it will escalate the war and put out more boulders to "send a stronger message."  Message?

Implant Stops Sex Predators

Stanford has a way to halt unwanted, dangerous and even criminal behavior.

An implant delivering an electric zap to the brain's nucleus accumbens vaporizes the pleasure response people get when doing something fun.

The device could curb obesity, drug addiction, pathological gambling, and rage disorders.  But could also stop sociopaths and kid diddlers.

Brain implants are used to zap patients with Parkinson’s disease.  So why not hook up drug/porn addicts and sex predators too?

Daughter Eats Mom For Christmas

Got Christmas dinner planned yet? 

Doreen Brown died last May from an airway obstruction. So daughter Debra had her cremated.

Staring like an anthropophagite at the plastic sandwich bag containing Doreen's ashes, Debra started swallowing a spoonful of the incinerated residue to “feel as close as possible” to her.

But now the story gets gory.

Christmas is closing in the ghoulish gal so she's gonna stuff mom's ashes into the holiday turkey and dust the dessert pudding with the deleterious debris too.

So Debra will be feasting alone this year and for as long mom lasts, apparently.

Abortion Pill 'Premeditated Killing'

Dr Sikander Imran managed to get his girlfriend Brook Fiske pregnant.

Sikander demanded Brook abort the baby but she refused.   So Sikander spiked Brook's tea with an abortion pill which led to the death of the child.

Imran has been charged with "cause of abortion and premeditated killing of a fetus of another," and will stand trial in March.

The ugly conundrum?  A willing woman aborting a kid is a 'right.'  But an unwilling woman aborting a kid is murder?    Apparently so folks.

Surgeon Brands Patient Organs

Simon Bramhall, 53, a British liver, spleen, and pancreatic surgeon plead guilty to laser carving “SB” into the transplanted organs of two patients.

Such brandings are usually harmless, but a female patient reported her liver was not healing properly.  So Bramhall got caught.  Wait...harmless organ branding?

After his suspension Bramhall admitted he “made a mistake.”  So, we suggest Simon be parted-out for his vandalism...clean, unmarked organs to worthy recipients.

Wipe Out Species Weapon

Every weapon invented has been used so why not one wiping out all people completely?

Gene editing tools like Crispr-Cas9 cut into DNA strands and remove "targeted traits."   The technology is well along in wiping out whole species like malarial mosquitoes.

The US military is investing...but they aren't looking to wipe out Iranians, North Koreans or Muslims by gumming up their genes.  They worry the tech could wipe out the US. 

Add the idea to your long list (nukes, asteroids, viruses and killer robots) of crap to loose sleep over.

You Are Being Watched

Privacy and anonymity are gone.  And you have no vote.

A Chinese company has created Dragonfly Eye.  The machine can instantly identify and locate two billion people in seconds anywhere in the world.

The makers insist it's to track terrorists and criminals.  Fine. But really?

The system uses existing images of people taken from drivers licenses, passports, mug shots, selfies or any other medium where your face is documented. 

Any camera (security, traffic, drone, casino, cell phone) can be used to track you in real-time...on the streets or inside a building.

And that's just version one.

CA Sued For Illiteracy

A lawsuit filed in Los Angeles Superior Court is demanding the Department of Education fix it's "literacy crisis."

"When it comes to literacy and the delivery of basic education, California is dragging down the nation," said Public Counsel lawyer Mark Rosenbaum.

Of the 26 lowest-performing districts in the nation, 11 are in California. Texas, by contrast, has only one district among the 26.

The lawsuit specifially cites La Salle Avenue Elementary and Children of Promise Preparatory Academy in LA; and Van Buren Elementary in Stockton.  Where 96% of students cannot read or do basic math.

The extra fun part?  California teachers are striking for higher pay this week!

Doctors Fired After 'Dead' Baby Wakes

Two physicians were fired in India after a baby they declared dead woke up in a bag on the way to it's funeral.

The "unfortunate incident" followed a premature delivery of twins. The second child was stillborn; the first was declared dead a short time later.  The two 'bodies' were placed in a plastic bag and handed to the parents.

As the parents drove to the crematorium they noticed movement in the bag.  One of the kids was alive!

"We are shaken and concerned at this rare incident," the hospital said. "We are in constant touch with the parents and are providing all the needed support."

What support could that be?  These people should go to a different hospital.

Amazon Delivers Poop

Sacramento resident Nemy Bautista spied a steaming pile at the end of his driveway.  Closer inspection shocked him beyond words.

Bautista raced back inside and played video from a security camera.  The Amazon driver can clearly be seen taking a dump behind the door of the van.

The irate customer emailed the video to Amazon, "Why is your driver squatting in-front of my house?"

“The delivery company supervisor...was in shock when he saw the size of ‘it,’ Bautista noted. "He didn’t want to take it with him (it smelled really bad).”

Amazon issued the standard apology and a gift card.  Amazon does nothing small or smell free.