Angry Blue Hair Women

NYC streets seethe with hair colors found in lava lamps and neon signs.    

Oddly blue dominates the heads of manic and frantic frothing females filled with bristling pugnaciousness.

And the blue-crew all share an affinity for transgender pronouns, feminist conspiracy theory, rape culture, morose misogyny misanthropy, Goth art, genital piercings and cats.

Choosing blue an accident?  Ponder the blue-poison-dart frog.   The skin of the creature secrets an alkaloid capable of felling a full grown man. 

Teacher Threatens 7th Graders

A 7th grade honor student, Jordan Wooley, testified at a Katy, Texas school board meeting that she and others were abused at the hands of an Atheist school teacher.

“...Our teacher [took] a poll to say whether God is fact, opinion or a myth and she told anyone who said fact or opinion was wrong and God was only a myth,” Jordan testified.

When students objected the unnamed instructor, “started telling kids they were completely wrong and that when kids argued we were told we would get in trouble..."

Jordan also noted, “Another student asked the teacher if we could put what we believe in the paper, and she said we could … but you would fail the paper if you do.”

Threatening, bullying, extorting and brainwashing kids over their private and personal beliefs?  That's what passes for education in the USA now?

Oakland's Race Department

Last June 22 the Oakland city council's Desley Brooks recited a long list of "systematic" inequalities claimed to fester in the city.  Among them the color of grass in East Oakland.

So the council created the Department Of Race And Equity.

After a summer-long search Oakland snatched $150k a year Dante James from Portland's Office of Equity And Human Rights to run racism in their city.

The catch?  Cash strapped Oakland can only afford to pay Dante for 3-months.   Wonder how many "inequalities" can be captured and wrestled to the ground in 90 days?

Science: Extinction Eminent

Humans love a good apocalypse.  And when nature fails to bring one, people expect them anyway. 

Researchers identified a 26 million-year cycle of meteor impacts coinciding with mass extinctions over the past 260 million years. That's the good news.

Geologist Michael Rampino of NYU says, 'there is evidence that the comet activity has been high for the last one to two million years, and some comet orbits are perturbed...'

Translated. Instead of 15 to 26 million year wait we may be in welcoming the big one any minute now.

Oh, and did you know monkey's with the smallest testicles roar the loudest?  Isn't that special?

China's GMO Dogs

Ready for robo-dog?

Geneticists found the muscle manager myostatin gene in 1997.   Soon after, a passel of lab goons created hyper-muscular rodents they nicknamed “mighty mice”.

The Chinese said screw mice.  And instead cooked up a batch of Franken-dogs.  The Sino's surmised they'd be good for hunting, [eating] and military work!

But we gotta long before a million Chinese Arnold's with wrap-around shades, leather jackets, shit-kicker boots and a bad attitude show up to party?

'Gum' Scare Panics School

Instead of fostering a nurturing and safe place to learn (by arming teachers and administrators); schools are getting schizophrenic.

A kid at Lehman High School in Texas asked a friend for some chewing gum.  So what?  Well how about the panic that set in when another kid walking by thought the kid said “gun,” instead of gum.

District spokesman Tim Savoy insists no “lock down,” took place but school administrators did “hold students in their extended class periods to investigate the concern...”

Jerry Brown banned conceal and carry in California schools.  This is akin to the military disarming because the enemy has guns.

Girl's Sketch Snags Serial Burglar

Though details remain sketchy eleven-year-old Rebecca DePietro's child-like drawing was apparently all the cops needed to nail serial burglar Pedro Bruno.

After her house was ransacked Rebecca later managed to scribble the drawing on the left from memory.  She handed it to the cops but assumed they would toss it.

Instead the cops overlaid the rendering on Pedro's pointee head and voila...a match.

Ms DePietro says she has no ambition to become a forensic artist.

And Pedro is gonna get a prison haircut, shave, jail slippers and maybe put on a few pounds!

Dead Woman Halloween Prank

A bunch of construction workers thought Halloween pranksters crashed their site.

But on closer inspection one worker said, "...this can't be happening here, it's not real, and I just didn't see what I thought I saw.'"

The limp, dangling form hanging on the chain link fence was murder victim and life-long resident 31-year-old Rebecca Cade.

The cops picked up 27-year-old Donnie Cochenour Jr. and got a confession.

Cade was allegedly running from Cochenour when she was snagged by the fence.  She was apparently bludgeoned to death with a rock found near the scene.

Wild Wheelchair DUI

Ronny Hicks may like to get a snoot full but neither he nor anyone else has a right to get drunk and whiz down the road in an electric wheelchair.

Hicks and his wheelchair were lit up and blocking a pedestrian someone called a cop. 

Since Hicks is riding on his third DUI in a decade the judge slapped the max $5000 bond on the crippled curmudgeon.

Hicks lawyer, Jason Hicks (no joke) says the beef won't stick.  The theory being no jury will convict a wino in a wheelchair.

DNC Debate Predictions

The hotly anticipated first (and likely last) Democrat Party debate for the 2016 election season is hopping on CNN air tonight.

So what's gonna happen?

1. Hillary will run her pie-hole blathering copy-cat slogans and me-too policies originated by Trump and Sanders.   Emails? What stink'n emails?

2. Rumor has it Sanders has been tempted with a job as Hillary's head of the IRS - remember he's gotta lotta rich to spank.

3. O'Malley will blurt out some drunken Irish gaffe and rise to 1/2% in the polls.

4. Trump will be tweeting tweets and most people will be on Twitter watching Trump and not the debate.

5. The audience will be full of paid shills from all the usual Dem party suspect groups. They'll clap, laugh, fart and spit on queue.

6. CNN will have a Chelsea and Huma cam catching their Cheshire cat grins at pivotal broadcast moments.

7. Debbie Wasserman-Slut's scheduled commentary will find her bitching about Trump's tweets. She'll claim his Twitter session is akin to a Klan rally.

8. CNN will seat their hacks into a circle-of-hell after the debacle to applaud the stunning effort by Hillary and predict her landslide victory.

9. Bill will be in an undisclosed location 'not' (wink-wink) having sex with a room full of show girls.

10. Most will tune out after 15 minutes and CNN will be bankrupt and off-the-air in a year.

Send your predictions to CNN and test how fast they pull your cable subscription.

Chelsea Clinton Chortles

Chelsea Clinton grew up sheltered from the shenanigans in her family.  But now as an adult she certainly should know better.

Chelsea was in Austin peddling her kiddie book, “It’s Your World: Get Informed, Get Inspired & Get Going.”  And that's when Robert Morrow climbed-on with a couple of questions.

Morrow asked Chelsea about the persistent rumor she's the product of an affair between her mother and law partner Webster Hubbell.  Chelsea chortled, “I am so proud to be my parents’ daughter.”

Undeterred Morrow then asked Chelsea whether her 'father' Bill targets young girls for sex.   Her response?  “I would say my book is really resonating with kids."

Yep.  She's a Clinton alright.  Two solid questions, two poopie answers.

Dirty Dishes And Drought

Fort Bragg City Council has ordered residents and businesses to cut water by another 30%.

Residents are barred from washing cars, watering lawns and taking a daily shower. Fine.

Restaurants must not serve water unless requested and must use disposable plates, plastic forks and spoons.  Good luck with that steak.

Seems the grand green agenda California liberals guard is leading to a brand new non-biodegradable bitch-slap.   Unless it rains of course.

QB Suspended For Touching

A high school QB in West Salem, OR got booted from campus after an alleged “inappropriate touching” of the team's center.

QB Garrett Moore says, “He [the center] wanted me to go way up there [with my hands] and it felt very uncomfortable. I was, like, moving my hands and I touched him and he started laughing...”

The center says the 'incident' happened some other way.  Moore's mom says her son is innocent.

Alas the quandary arises; how many 'other ways' are there to take delivery of a football cuffing hands under a center's crotch?

Burger King's Green Poop

Burger King says A.1. sauce is the black in the baked buns on it's wild Halloween Black Whopper.

Black Whopper customer's are reporting green poop from the happy meal. And the mysterious poop is producing a rush on the bovine brunch.

'Don't care how it tastes, I just want that Halloween burger from Burger King for the rad #GreenPoop,' one tweeter tweeted.

Japan uses squid ink and bamboo charcoal to get their blackened buns.  So what color are the Japanese pooping?  Heck, who knew Burger King was even in Japan...

Gay Priests Purged

The Vatican sends gay priests, drug addicts and pedophiles to the Venturini monastery in Trento, Italy.

The confused clerics are expected to 'rediscover the right path' and to be 'cured' at the abbey. Padres who refuse the trip are fired.

Presumed to refer to the crew at Venturini Pope Francis said a person 'who falls or errs must be understood and loved.'

Cruel?  Consider the alternatives over in the Jihadi world.

Liars And Pee'ers

Researchers at Cal State Fullerton blew a bunch of bucks on a diabolical theory.

Dr. Iris Blandon-Gitlin says the brain has to bend over backward when beguiling. So she hypothesized the “inhibitory spillover effect” of needing to pee may make a better liar.

Half her test group loaded up on five glasses of water the rest went thirsty.  The bursting bladder bunch uttered more complex and more convincing lies.

O, what a tangled web we weave;
When first we practice to hold the pee!

Farting Forces Firing

Louann Clem says Case Pork Roll Company fired her comptroller husband Richard Clem for trepidatious giant-loud trouser trumpeting.

Dick ballooned to 420 pounds before getting gastric bypass surgery.  So now he has growling-howling-gastrointestinal gas and debilitating diarrhea.

Louann says Case Pork Roll's CEO complained about Dick's flatulence barking, “We cannot run an office and have visitors with the odor in the office.”

After Dick was cut loose Louann soon followed and filed a 'disability discrimination complaint.'

Why Dick wasn't relocated to an office with a window, a noise cancelling machine, a livestock washing station and a high-velocity industrial fan remains a mystery.