Woman Banned From Walmart For Drunk Cart Driving

Slow news day folks.  So let's do a Walmart shopper story...where the bizarre-o world meets the retail world and never fails to get a laugh.

The cops in Wichita Falls Texas were summoned at 6:30AM to a Walmart.  A woman was driving an electric cart erratically around the parking lot.

After a brief search, the cops confronted her in a nearby cafe where she confessed to drinking wine from a Pringles potato chip can while nearly falling off the electric cart trying to find her car.

The woman escaped a DUI because she was not caught on the cart or in her car  But she didn't escape a lifetime ban from Walmart.  The Pringles company hasn't handed down their final verdict yet.

Human Composting Legalized

Few states are crazier than loony-tunes California.

For example, in the cuckoo state, your dog must not chase a bear or bobcat.  You are prohibited from blocking sunshine from shining on anyone.  You can't shoot at anything from a moving car unless it's a whale. And no pets are allowed to have sex within 1500 feet of a bar, school or church.

But don't let Washington State stay left out.  They're gonna allow dead bodies to be composted.  That's right. Unembalmed dead relatives will be left to decompose in a chamber piled high with organic material like woodchips or straw. In a month, presto; out comes a cubic yard of compost. 

The crap is then bagged up and handed back the family.  Where hopefully it gets spread in THEIR backyard and not on a crop anyone else has to eat.  Scary huh?

Steering Wheel Stops Drunk Driver

A drunken California driver tried to sneak back into a Cathedral City gated community on New Years Eve to evade arrest.

As he leaned over to enter the gate code the hapless future felon fell out of his pickup-truck (left) and was later found dangling outside the door with a foot caught in the steering wheel.  Immobilized.

The fire department sawed-off the steering wheel so the California CHP could arrest and haul him and his steering wheel off to jail.

The unidentified goof is charged with suspicion of drunk driving and hit-and-run.

Sisters Beat Brother To Death Over Cupcake

Glenndria and LaShirley Morris are going on trial this week charged with multiple felony counts including murder, aggravated assault, and first-degree cruelty to children.

The sisters repeatedly struck their three-year-old brother, Kejuan Mason with a baseball bat for taking a cupcake from the kitchen.

Glenndria begged the judge to lower her bond, but the boy’s mother objected. The judge sided with mom.  Oh, and check this story out too.

Oregon Road Kill Now Legal To Eat

Oregon joined nineteen other states today in allowing road kill to be eaten, at least legally.

The Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife will issue a free "roadkill salvage permit" to drivers who wish to carve up the kill for their tables.

Ah but there's a catch.  To prevent poachers from driving all over Oregon roads looking to run over animals the state requires animal heads, skins and antlers to to be turned over within five business days.

The state did not issue a health warning about plucking bits of chrome or plastic from bumpers or lifting asphalt from skidding the creature for miles under the car before throwing the steaks on the barbie...so consumers are on their own in that regard.