Trump Vandal Electrocuted

Hillary personifies corruption.  Her slithery sidestepping of national security laws have stained the Democrats, FBI and DOJ.

So when a dastardly Democrat is dealt a little payback, well it just seems extra fair these days...

Witness the stealthy Trump sign snatcher dealt a 20amp, 220 volt jolt.  And to add insult to injury the turd's malfeasance is also caught on camera leading to his arrest for vandalism.

As pitcher Preacher Roe once said, "Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you."

Sex Makes Men See God

New research at Duke and North Carolina University uncovers the odd idea that sex makes men more likely to believe in God.

Scientist attribute the phenomenon to the infamous “cuddle hormone”, Oxtocin, which pours into the bloodstream during orgasm and heightens ecstasy and a religious reaction.

Oxytocin is said to also evoke other emotions such as awe, gratitude, hope, inspiration, love, and serenity. 

How much Oxytocin you get is geared to the presence of the gene CD38, which regulates the hormone’s release in the brain.

Apparently Atheists don't have the gene and are therefore doomed to a short life of disrespect, despair, ingratitude, animosity, anxiety, and a lack of nooky.

Scrotox Storm Brewing

"Vanity working on a weak head produced every sort of mischief," Jane Austen.

Plastic surgeons can re-equip any and all parts of the body whether male or female.  Even pets can get in on the act.  But aren't there some things that shouldn't be touched?

Men having Botox injected into the scrotum doubles the size of the dangling-duo and the procedure has doubled in demand over the past year.

The price is north of $3500 bucks and is said to assuage sweating, iron out the wrinkles and bolster the ball sack by relaxing the muscles.

We know women don't care (since most brush them aside anyway) so the goons getting the work done must be gay...or at least headed down the road to gayness is our guess.

Spare Rib Dog Paws?

Ashley Jefferson says the China Palace in Havre de Grace, Maryland swapped her spare ribs for dog paws.

After staring at the odd delectable she says she started to hurl.  So she bolted to the ladies room to iSnap some proof and posted the puppy paw pictures on Facebook.

But no one bit.

So blond Ashley snapped some real dog paws posting those alongside her spare ribs, captioning:  "I googled a dead dog paw and took a pic of what they delivered to me... and tell me if I'm wrong but they look exactly the same."

The folks at China Palace quickly au contraire'd insisting the lady mistook cartilage for toe nails.  Plus the Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene agreed, "There is no evidence of any dog meat in this facility."

Hey Ashley...tried the cockroach stew over at the Been There Thai'd That restaurant yet?

Criminal Gene Discovered

Jeff Dahlmer was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD):

Some 70% of the 2.3 million prison population are ASPD compared to 3% in the general population.  These animals are:
    Charming and obsequiousness manipulating others
    Break the law repeatedly
    Reckless with the safety of self and others
    Have a history of substance abuse
    Lie, steal, and are quick to anger and confrontation
    Boastful and arrogant showing no guilt or remorse

Science has long suspected prison inmates may be born criminals. And now there is proof.

'...gene rs4714329 was found to be broadly associated with the different aspects of ASPD,’ reads the study published in the journal Translational Psychiatry.

Gay Traffic Lights

London's wrong-headed traffic program replacing 'walk' and 'green man' in traffic lights with LGBTQ symbols is confusing pedestrians.

The lights are getting two male 'partners' or two women holding hands.  And some are getting hyper complicated transgender symbols.

Jennifer Riordan, 26, from Leeds, says,  “I have gay and LGBT friends and they’re not my ‘gay’ friends, they are just my friends...don’t draw attention to different gender choices, just let people be who they want.”

Well Jennifer the social engineers are not interested in letting people be who they want.  Some seem hell-bent on killing people in cross-walks in the name of gender confusion.

Putin Poisoned Hillary?

Paranoid delusions and conspiracy theory seem to ooze from Hillary more readily than a rational idea or constructive comment.

Astonishingly we find it was Hillary behind the Obama birther conspiracy.

A few weeks ago she blamed Russia and Trump for the DNC email hacks.  And once blamed Bill's impeachment on a "vast right wing conspiracy."

So why be shocked when a shill on the left cooks up a poisoning theory to explain Hillary's health problems?

Dr Bennet Omalu, the MD who ran-down the NFL concussion question, tweeted: "I must advice (sic) the Clinton campaign to perform toxicological analysis of Ms Clinton's blood...possible she is being poisoned...I do not trust Mr Putin and Mr Trump..."

The theory points to Putin's list of opponents who were indeed poisoned. The problem? Putin would rather have Hillary in the WH than Trump...Hillary has already proven she is no match for Vlad out in the real world.

Hillary Birthed Birther Baloney

The Washington Post confirmed Hillary Clinton started the Birther Movement.

That's right folks. The shadowy Obama citizenship conspiracy came from Hillary herself as verified today by Hillary's 2008 campaign manager.

The Hillary campaign also circulated a picture of Obama in a turban in an attempt to paint him as a Muslim masticater.

In 2008 Obama’s campaign manager David Plouffe slammed the Hillary crew as,  “the most shameful, offensive fear-mongering we’ve this election."

Deja Vu all over again huh Hillary?

Women Obsolete

A bio-sciences landmark has been achieved at the University of Bath paving the way for a baby born just from the DNA of a single male's sperm.

Three generations of mice have already been created using the technique. 

For now two sperm are used, but in theory, the technique should work with any cell in the body once half the chromosomes are removed before fusing them with a sperm's chromosomes.

Artificial womb's are reality and can fully incubate a human embryo to term.  In essence, a single male can now reproduce, or two gay men, or even cells/sperm cryogenically preserved from any age male today for future offspring reproduction.

Women are now antiquated and antediluvian.   The human race no longer needs them...

Hillary 911 Collapse

By now most must know Hillary is sick.  Today she collapsed entirely and had to be carried into her van as she tried to make her way back from a 911 Memorial event.

In a sense what's happening to Hillary is Karma...after decades of Machiavellian shenanigan she's just not gonna make it to the finish line.

Yesterday Hillary pee'd on her own shoes after revealing what she REALLY thinks about about us, “ could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the ‘basket of deplorables,' [they are] racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic, you name it..."

As the chief counsel for the US Army told witch hunter Sen. Joe McCarthy , "At long last, have you left no sense of decency?"

Her failing health and piss-poor attitude is a definitive deal breaker, folks.

Suicide By Fat

Remember Nick Cage drinking himself to death in Leaving Las Vegas?  Well here's the same story only it's EATING oneself to death and not leaving Ft. Worth, Texas.

Monica Riley is consuming 8,000 calories a day converting her 700 pound porcine potbelly into a bed-wrecking 1,000 pound immovable mass of marshmallows.   She says so she can feel like a "queen."

To get there as fast as she can Monica's 'boyfriend" Sid Riley makes bucket sized shakes consisting of ten Pop Tarts, heavy-duty cream, ice cream, milk and weight-gain powder.  Then Sid stands on a step stool to cascade the concoction down her throat with a funnel.

Monica said: "The bigger I get the sexier I feel. I love my big soft belly and stuffing myself with food really turns me on."

And after a pair of miscarriages the two are trying for a kid. But the sex seems to be more fantasy than reality.

Monica's other dream?   One day she hopes Sid will build her a bed with a toilet in center.

Can't make a story like this up, folks.  Not even you're Stephen King.

Ethanol Worse Than Gasoline

Surprise!  The greenies wrong again.

Ethanol the magic elixir costing taxpayers billions, destroying engines and pipelines, and now proven worse for the air than gasoline emissions seems somehow poetic.

A new study from the U of Michigan’s Energy Institute shows busting up prairie land releases excess CO2.  Then cooking corn and fermenting it requires even more energy bubbling off yet more CO2 making a net INCREASE in CO2 production over gasoline.

The study also concludes: “using government mandates and subsidies to promote politically favored fuels is a waste of taxpayers’ money.”

IKEA Testicle Trap

The five-buck IKEA Marius stool is classically clean and simple but leave it up to some Nordic doorknob to find a way to get captured in a cold shower with his nutsack trapped in one.

Claus Jørstad, 45, needed to sit while showering because he has bad knees. With the water flowing Claus settled in for his first hot steam with the stool. But the setup went sideways swiftly. A testicle had subtly settled into a vent hole and the steam swelled it stuck. Claus was one with the Marius.

Then things got crazy. Sitting beyond reach of the faucet the hot water turned ice cold and the immobilized goon pondered reaching for a hair dryer to stay warm. Lucky for Claus the pooling icy water emancipated the anchored gonad before he could electrocute himself.

Jørstad sits on a towel now and life is larger, but not without least not for a guy with bad knees and a shower stool from IKEA.

Man Taints Gay Lube

A 62-year-old male crept into "Sydney's gay and bi social club" with "three levels of adult adventure" called Aarows and filled a 'lubrication' dispenser with hydrochloric acid.

The dispensers had been tampered with before and were fitted with alarms. 

The perp's been charged with administering poison with the intent to cause injury, distress or pain, and malicious damage.

When asked why, the man said, "It could be anything really. People are perverted".