'Bacon Rage' Customer Convicted

Shaneka Monique Torres, 30, was found guilty of firing a 9mm Glock into a Michigan McDonalds drive-thru window.  Shaneka got sizzling pissed after the bacon was left off her cheeseburger.

Police say,  “one shot was fired from the suspect vehicle, [at] head level, traveled through the window, across the dining room, and exited the restaurant through another window on the east side of the restaurant.”

Torres is gonna do two years in state lockup.  So get ready Shaneka, Michigan prisons don't have bacon on their whoop-ass menu, either.

Bomb Iran - The Musical

Obama's been playing golf in Florida this weekend - you know, because golf is more fun than stopping Iran's nukes.   And Frankenface Kerry is on the job anyway.

Speaker John Boehner says congress is gonna ignore the 'deal' and slap crippling sanctions on Iran instead...which sorta leaves Obama once again sitting in a golf cart with goose-shit on his face.

But we digress.

Is it really possible for Iran to behave once it has nuclear weapons?  Obama says so - anyone other than banged-up Harry Reid believe it? 

Today Iran unsurprisingly said it's gonna hang onto it's cache of weapons-grade enriched uranium.   And chanted, 'death to America, death to the Jews, death to the infidel' for the fourth time this week.

Obama's weak dealings with Iran will to removal the hard way.  See why Obama is a bigger threat to the world than Putin!

100K College Sex Workers

England begat the USA and the two have been separated by an ocean and a common language ever since...

So when 100,000 university students in Britain admitted to earning tuition fees by working in the sex industry one must wonder if college kids in the USA doing the same thing? 

The ‘Student Sex Work Project’ found 1 in 20 are stripping, erotic dancing, selling sex online and even hooking up with sugar daddies in a play-for-pay proviso.  Males more than females; many taking a job as a 'naked butler,' whatever that is...

So when your kid is parked at Princeton and isn't calling constantly for coin better ponder why Penelope...

Machines To Get Pet Humans

PayPal, Tesla and SpaceX founder Elon Musk says intelligent machines will turn people into 'pet Labradors'.

Musk is not alone. Bill Gates, Steve Wozniak, Steve Hawking and Noam Chomsky are also out with similar public statements.

Should we be afraid? Yes. Why?  Humans deem themselves superior to all other less intelligent creatures and either consume or keep them around as pets. 

Will such irony unfold? A species manufacturing it's master? Well, consider every weapon developed has been used. So no doubt super-intelligent machines will be allowed out of the box.

Likely the only way to keep up is to become The Borg, right?

Who Wants Woman On $20?

Susan Sarandon spends her no-longer-working-days hustling for the group 'Women on 20s.'  The singular mission being to remove and replace the war of 1812 hero, Andy Jackson with a female on the $20 buck bill.

Which one? No surprise half their list are former slaves and bus riders and the other half numskulls like Margaret Sanger the eugenicist and founder of Planned Parenthood.

The idea of a female on the currency isn't a bad idea.  The problem is finding one worthy.  Rather than a fleet of furtive rogues how about a few truly heroic women like:

1. Amelia Earhart - First woman to fly solo across the Atlantic matching Lindberg
2. Helen Keller - Born blind and deaf became lecturer, author, champion for rights of disabled.
3. Pocahontas - Saved Capt. John Smith saving the first colony and the USA itself.
4. Georgia O'Keeffe - Greatest female artist of the 20th century and respected worldwide.
5. Ayn Rand - Philosopher, founder of 'Objectivism' the core of higher human thought
6. Sandra Day O'Connor - First female US Supreme Court Justice
7. Elizabeth Blackwell - First female medical doctor in the USA.

Hey Suzie, don't kid yourself...the first female on the twenty won't be from your list and won't be Hitlery Clinton either. At least not in your confused lifetime.

Obama: ‘I Came Up with Health Care’

Obama hosted a bunch of five-year-old Kindergartners at a science fair held in the White House today.

While the kids were churning out their invention ideas one of the little girls asked Obama, 'What did you come up with?'

Without hesitation Obama spurted, 'You know, I came up with things like health care — it turned out OK...'

Far too young to know better the tiny tyke accepted his answer with a smile.  Sorta like Obama voters in general.

So let's take a look at Obama's 'invention' on it's fifth anniversay today:

1. Premiums Have Jumped 24.4% Higher Than Had ObamaCare Not Existed
2. 1232 Private Market Insurers Left Market Now There Are Only 310
3. Obamacare Adds $1.2 Trillion To The Deficit
4. Media and White House Lies About Number Enrolled And Paying
5. ObamaCare’s Deductibles Are Killing Families
6. Based On Insuring The Uninsured Just 3 of the 40 Million Uninsured Enrolled
7. Delayed Employer Mandate Will Have Largest Destructive Effect
8. 80% Of Enrolled Are On Subsidized Plans, Half Of Those Have Paid No Premium
9. SCOTUS May Nullify Subsidies In Non Exchange States Wiping Out 50% Of Enrollees
10. IRS Blames Obamacare For Slowing Tax Processing And Will Fine Tens Of Thousands
11. Blue Cross Insurance Premium Hikes Over 18% Due To Obamacare
12. Doctors And Hospitals Going Out Of Business And Refusing Obamacare Patients.

If Thomas Edison had this kind of outcome from his inventions no doubt no one would have ever heard of him.

Fat People Smell

Researches at Swarthmore College, PA published a study proving the perception that fat people cast a malodorous affectation (bad smell), real or imagined.

College kids were shown pictures of thick and thin heavies while sniffing an odorless substances.  When the fat-body popped-up, the sniffer detected a distinct and foul odor.

“Our findings suggest that people may hold negative views of heavy individuals that are sufficiently entrenched that they can cross over into olfactory (that is, smell) perceptions."  Wow, a whole sentence to say, fat is foul.

Let's face it, if you're fat you're NOT beautiful...no matter how much you kid yourself.  Accept your  fate...lose the weight.

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NEA Group: 'All Cops Are Bastards'

Cops are being daily demonized by race hustlers and their willing left-wing confederates.

Wisconsin Jobs Now (WJN) is heavily funded by the National Teachers Association (NEA).  Last week WJN unfurled cop hater signes like, “All Cops Are Bastards.” And taped screaming “Hey-hey, ho-ho, these racist cops have got to go.”

WJN director Lisa Lucas insists a mysterious “outsider” brought the banner. Fine. Then who's screaming "hey-ho racist cops" Lisa?

The pathetic part?  These same sad-sacks are first to dial 911 when threatened...and who risks their lives to help them?  Cops.  How about it NEA?

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Pee Activated Emergency Radio

So you wandered off from the Sanga Sanga Sahara desert tour group - now you're lost. Night falls and you're starting to freak-out.  You're gonna die.

Wait a second Stanley.   Remember the pocket pee activated emergency radio transmitter frantically folded and stashed before jumping on the safari bus?

Researchers at the University of West England just invented the world's first tinkle-powered distress radio built into a foldable, portable oragami-paper-based microbial fuel cell (MFC) powered conical radio tower system.

Scientists say the odure-paper-emergency-radio works best with fresh, pungent morning pee so gird your loins and take your best shot. And hope like Moses someone's listening on your frequency!

CA 'Shoot Gays' Referendum

Huntington Beach, CA lawyer Matt McLaughlin has crafted an initiative requiring anyone participating in homosexual sexual acts to be shot in the head.

Hang on, the plot gets goo-ee-er...

Hyper liberal CA Atty Gen Kamala Harris has to pen a 100-word summary should the “Sodomite Suppression Act” gain enough signatures to make the ballot.

McLaughlin warns if the state refuses to implement the provisions of the bill, “the general public is empowered and deputized to execute all the provisions hereunder extra-judicially, immune from any charge and indemnified by the state against any and all liability.”

Should voters lose their minds and agree with McLaughlin the liberals still have the CA Supreme Court, you know, like they always do.

Starbucks Adds Race To Menu

Starbuck's CEO Howard Schultz likes to mix politics and business. Remember his rants on gay marriage and gun control? He's a liberal. He's for both.

Now Howie wants customers and employees to mix race with their Iced White Chocolate Mochas. Howie says, 'It's an emotional issue, but it is so vitally important to the country.' The race tensions, not the Mochas.

Remember, this is the guy that barked, 'We believe guns and weapons should not be part of the Starbucks experience.' And banned guns in his stores even in states where conceal and open carry is the law.

So be it...businesses make their own rules. But if ya hafta get a coffee fix in a Starbucks watch your motor mouth, you could get hot frothy Latte thrown on ya.

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Bride: 'I Don't' After Math Quiz

India seems to get weddings wrong.  A week ago an Indian bride switched to a wedding guest after the groom had a seizure and hopped into an ambulance.

This week an arithmetic error derailed a connubial couple.

Just as she reached the altar the bride turned and snapped,  how much is 15 + 6?  Uh, huh...17?  Ehh...wrong answer Fartdish..

Later, the bride's daddy said, "The groom's family kept us in the dark about his poor education, even a first grader can answer this."

Why wait 'till invitations are printed, the hall rented, the food laid out and the preacher paid before concluding it's a deal breaker?  Don't they have email and cell phones in India?

Al Gore: 'Punish Climate-Change Deniers'

Al Gore mounted the podium at the SXSW music festival in Austin, Tx and proclaimed:  We Need to ‘Punish Climate-Change Deniers’ and ‘Put a Price on Carbon.’

Sounds awfully close to put a price on their heads, doesn't it?

Gore lost the public so now he's get'n grizzly.  'We have this denial industry cranked up constantly...'   That's right.  If you don't buy Al's malodorous meringue you're a 'denier' not just an objective skeptic. 

Since Pope Francis agreed with Al recently he says, 'I’m not a Catholic, but I could be persuaded to become one.'    Wonder if Al heard about mass-killer Charlie Manson agreeing with him too?

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California Cooking

California been run into the parched Earth by Democrats who were too busy blowing cash on social programs instead of managing water.

NASA senior water scientist Jay Famiglietti warned that California only has one year’s water remaining.

So what will forty-million suffering the highest taxes, worst schools, most illegals, and highest poverty rate gonna do when the water runs out?

Nothing... the state will simply implode thanks to a poopie pile of progressives comeuppance and no doubt engage in an open water war with neighboring states.

Hamburg's Pee Problem

Big cities suffer a persistent and petulant portion of the population who persist in performing the perverted practice of peeing in public.

Hamburg's St. Pauli's is a case-in-point. Some twenty million patrons prowl the pubs and other portals of carnal pleasures peeing on walls and putrefying the place.

But it's 'pee-back-time-baby.'

Hamburg is spraying the walls with Ultra-Ever Dry a super-hydrophobic, oleophobic nano-coating, which is so water repellent the excreta is forcefully foisted backward at a forty-five-degree angle.

One shoe soaking should be sufficient, right Siegfried?

Danger Destinations For Women

Women are assaulted in their own homes. And women get mugged, raped and kidnapped in cities across the USA.  But what about women traveling?

The worst five of sixteen destinations by degree of danger: Bogota, Columbia, Mexico City, Mexico, Lima, Peru, New Delhi, India, Jakarta, Indonesia.

Bogota is about a days donkey ride from drug cartel country.  The same applies to Mexico City where kidnapping foreigners for cash is a whole cottage industry.

Lima has so much danger it's astounding anyone, man or woman would go there even if it led to a lottery prize.  New Delhi is diseased, depraved, debauched and gang rape central.   And finally Jakarata.  This is the place a woman can end up in prison for refusing a taxi cab ride.

Scared yet?  Think you can do better in Paris, Beijing and London?  Keep going, those places are on the list of sixteen too...

TSA Thermite Shocker

Still flying commercial?  Think the hassle, humiliation, full body x-rays and cavity searches are keeping you safe?  Think again...

TSA says it can't detect nor if found, extinguish thermite - 'the greatest potential incendiary threat to aviation.'

Thermite is a rusted iron and aluminum powder explosive.  “The ignition of a thermite-based incendiary device on an aircraft at altitude could result in catastrophic damage and the death of every person onboard,” a DOT advisory warns.

An anonymous TSA official complained, 'We’re supposed to brief our [federal air marshals] to identify a thermite ignition — but they tell us nothing, so our guys are Googling, ‘What does thermite look like? How do you extinguish thermite fires?’...'

Still flying commercial?

Public School Racism Rant

CA public schools are in steep decline.   And it's not just dilapidated schools in Oakland, Los Angeles, Fresno and Stockton wrecking kids.

El Camino Real High School in Woodland Hills, CA has a fascist cancer growing inside it's perimeter too.  A student brought home a flyer entitled 'Why A White Space?' 

The little propaganda piece read like a pamphlet from a Louis Farrakhan Nation Of Islam choir meeting. 

The flyer reads:

1. People of color shouldn’t always have to be the ones to educate white people about racism and oppression.
2. In order to challenge racism and dismantle white supremacy, white people need to unlearn racism...
3. A commitment to anti-racist identity...
4. It’s a space for white people to figure out what it means to be anti-racist white person 
5. A white space serves as a resource to people of color who want to work with white people but don’t want to spend all their energy dealing with the racism of white people...

The fascist overtone is obvious. Will it end when Obama leaves office?  Likely not...

Clinton's Portrait Punked

Every president leaves office and leaves behind an 'official' painting of themselves ready to hang in the National Portrait Gallery. 

Of all 43 US presidential portraits the painting that portends with peak sneering precision has to be Bill Clinton's.  Why?  Because the artist painted the libidinous Bill without wedding ring and with a blue shadow in the background!

PA artist Nelson Shanks says Monica Lewinsky is in the painting. '...at the left-hand side...I put a shadow [that] literally represents a shadow from a blue dress that I had on a mannequin... It is also a bit of a metaphor in that it represents a shadow on the office he held, or on him.'

A metaphor indeed.  Some say the Clinton's are clamoring to squash the art work.  Some say Bill has stopped his shenanigans too, but then, that's just what some people say...

Obama: Shoot Down Israeli Jets

In 2014 Obama threatened to shoot down Israeli jets!  Why?  Because Israel was planning to defend themselves against the unchecked and insidious development of nuclear weapons by Iran.

And how did Obama find out about the plan?  A Kuwaiti newspaper says an unnamed Israeli minister with direct ties to Obama's inside circle 'revealed the attack plan to John Kerry.'

Jimmy Carter's former national security advisor Zbigniew Brzezinski told the Daily Beast, 'They have to fly over our airspace in Iraq. Are we just going to sit there and watch?'

Did you ever think you'd live to see the day a sitting US president would side with Islamic terrorists against Israel?