Gbigs Angle

Tall Men & Colon Cancer

The University of Minnesota found leg length is linked to a man’s risk of the colon cancer.

Specifically, men with leg length of 35.4 inches or longer on average had a 91% raised risk.

So what's the theory? Is it because tall men have longer colons? No.

During puberty, levels of a hormone called ‘insulin-like growth factor 1’ are high – and this is a risk factor for the scourge.

Being tall is nifty unless you consider clothes, airline seats, motel beds, penis questions, dentist chairs, doorways and dumb stares.

And now ya gotta pile on a horrible and painful early death too.

Obama Currency War

Remember this from Obama in 2008 - "McCain’s message is that I don’t look like the other presidents on the currency.”

Well guess what folks?

Obama the left-wing goon and great race divider will achieve his revenge by removing the great men who founded and formed the country on the currency and replacing them with people who look and think like him.

The first assault has Harriet Tubman replacing Andrew Jackson on the $20. Then the Treasury building on the back of the $10 will get replaced with a string of second-stringers — Sojourner Truth, Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Alice Paul and Lucretia Mott.

Finally, the back of the $5 bill will be imprinted with opera singer Marian Anderson, Eleanor Roosevelt and Martin Luther King Jr..

The changes are absurd of course...How about president Sanders sticking Stalin on the $1?

Women Aborting Women

Abortion. Either the holocaust of our times or the enlightenment of our times. Which you chose depends on your viewpoint and your level of cynicism.

Since the SCOTUS Roe .v. Wade decision in 1973 over 60 million legal abortions have been performed in the USA. Worldwide the number skyrockets to 1.5 billion.

So since it's now possible to cheaply determine the gender a fetus, how about dumping the kid because it's a girl?

The UN says more than 200 million women are “demographically missing” in the world today due to sex-selective abortion. Stated more simply, more women have been erased before first-breath than the number of people (soldiers and civilians) killed in every war in the 20th century.

Ah, but it's okay. Women have a right to kill women, right?

Mattress Snags Cheaters

Are you sharing a bed with someone dumb enough to play hide-the-salami on your own bed?

Listen up homies; a little tech and your cell phone is all you need to ensnare the scoundrel.

Spain is home to the most cheaters so a Spanish company invented the “Lover Detection Mattress.” The bed looks tame except it's chock full of concealed sensors ready to detect "sexual motions," and fire-off a tattle-tale-call to your cell phone.

The product was subjected to jumping dogs, cats, kids, assorted farm animals and clowns - you know, to make sure no false alarms go out.

The good news is the bed works as advertised....the bad news is the bed will end your marriage faster than one legged cat tryin' to bury a turd in a litter box strapped to the bumper of a city bus.

Min Wage Hike Bait

The decline in jobs and wages under Obama has led to mass gnashing of teeth over a min wage hike The tiny wage is 'enjoyed' by a mere 1.6 million workers.

But that isn't stopping wrong-headed politicians from pandering to low-income voters with a hike bribe. California and New York have bitten that bullet and will drive out small business and attract no-skilled minions.

Left-wing agitators at UC Berkeley bullied school management into paying a “living wage” for their low-end workers. The result?

Chancellor Nicholas Dirks announced a lay-off today of 500. The cuts are needed to save $50 million after suffering just one year of the increased labor expense.

Global Warming Sex Claim

Economist Alan Barreca of Tulane University thinks Global Warming is going to shut down sex.

Barreca says, "In the United States and Europe, there's actually a pretty big spike in births in the summer months, and if you go back nine months that implies that conceptions are most likely to occur in the colder winter months."

So by extension Barreca concludes, "According to a state of the art global circulation model [aka Climate Change], there is going to be about 90 hot days per year [60 more than today]...we project that the number of births will fall by about 107,000 per year in the United States by the end of the 21st century."

So there you have it - due to an abhorrence to sweaty sex, mankind will finally peter out and die off. The ultimate doomsday scenario!

Naked Burglar Nabbed

Deputy Joshua Watkins of Woodstock, GA says 28-year-old Jarred Lemming was nailed after being spotted buck naked scaling a fence, crossing a yard and dodging into a doggie door of an unlit house.

Lemming told the cops he just needed to take a shower, wash some clothes and use the Wi-Fi to get some emails done.

Oddly, the naked housebreaker claimed he once owned the residence but sold and moved out a year ago. He said he knew the new owners but "did not want to bother him."

Lemming was issued an orange jumpsuit and booked on a burglary beef.

20,000 Lesbians In Palm Springs

The Hilton in Palm Springs is hosting the 26th annual "lesbian's" only Dinah (named after the Dinah Shore golf tourney) pool party this week.

North of 20,000 muff-divers from every corner of the world are bounding in for the binge drinking, debauchery, carnal contact and lascivious lounging in the sun.

The only men around are on the hotel staff or are being dragged there by a lesbian pal.

Dinah Shore wasn’t a lesbian but golf is a sport acceptable to the husky female persuasion.

Still, golf is not on the agenda for the party of course, they come for the "girls." Butch, femme, old, young, gold stars, bi, black, white, hardcore, and normcore (whatever that is).

“People think we just sit at home in sensible shoes reading feminist theory to our cats,” says 26-yo Ceecee. Being able to strip off at the Dinah is a freeing experience for these gals; a chance to embrace and celebrate sex in a safe place - and with a LOT of other girls.

Don't even think about it guys....these butch sun-bathers really, really, really don't wanna see you even pretending to get near the pool.

Wife Feeds Hubby To Dog

Warning: Read more at your peril.

Svetlana Batukova, 46, was found next to the bloody corpse of Horst Hans Henkels on Friday. The autopsy Saturday revealed Horst's bloody end was the result of multiple stab wounds made by a kitchen knife.

Worse? Chunks of Horst had been cut-off with the murder weapon and fed to the family dog, a bull terrier.

Svetlana and Horst tied the knot just last January. But the only thing the pair shared in the brief interval were domestic violence calls and the dog's last supper.

The takeaway? Middle aged Russian women are single for a reason.

China Dog Meat Mart

Some 10 to 20 million dogs are butchered and eaten each year in China.

On June 20 the city of Yulin stages the largest dog show in China...not to find best in breed, but to find best in BBQ.

Over 10,000 dogs are killed and cut-up during the festival.

Most are trucked in hundreds of miles and then clubbed in the open to induce the pain and fear that restaurant owners claim makes their adrenaline-rich meat tastier.

Animal 'activists' are simultaneously staging rallies around the country to oppose the carnage. The activists claim they are winning against the dog meat restaurants who they say are now forced to take the festival indoors.

Sounds like a Pyrrhic victory to the Angle.

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/news/nation-world/world/article69840817.html#storylink=cpy

Stripper Bites Patron

Wisconsin's Diamond Jim's strip club was the scene of a lap dance gone bad last week.

Patron Derick Roth, 24, said he was "bitten in the crotch" by 29-year-old stripper Mesheokia White.

Roth admitted he told White to 'place her head into his crotch'. But when White 'was moving it [her head] around' she bit-down on Mr. Longfellow instead.

White, of course said she 'didn't remember anything.' But the security cameras recorded otherwise.

White was muzzled, cuffed and taken to county lockup where she will get retrained on the intricacies and etiquette of proper crotch sniffing.

Hillary On Abortion

Well it's no surprise Hillary has had abortions and harbors a pretty sinister attitude on the controversial subject.

On Meet The Press today Hillary said “the unborn person doesn’t have constitutional rights.”

A Hillary presidency will obviously mean continued peddling of baby body parts over at Planned Parenthood.

Wonder how Hillary resolves the legal precedent that a killer of pregnant women is charged with two murders?

Vegetarian Pickle

Vegetarians are 40% more likely to get bowel cancer and develop heart disease than meat eaters.

Vegetarians are deficient in protein, iron, vitamin D, vitamin B12 and calcium. And worse, vegetarians have lower bone-mineral density than those who eat meat.

Professor Tom Brenna of Cornell University says, "vegetable oils [are] converted to...pro-inflammatory arachidonic acid, increasing the risk...of heart disease, and exacerbates cancer. "

Wanna bet PETA attacks these findings like a pit-bull on a poodle?

Doggie Decadence

Chihuahua Queenie has $30,000 in canine couture. No. The dog didn't inherit money from some wretched recluse who pissed away a fortune on a pint-sized pet, nor is Queenie a real Queen.

“I spend way more money on Queenie and her wardrobe than I do on myself,” says the 50-year-old running Licks of London...clothes for canines.

“I just can’t help myself and when I can, I make sure we’re matching even when it comes to her poo [shit] bags,” admits Ms. Josephine Carter.

Worse?

“Queenie has the highest-end beauty products including her toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner and doggy nail varnish,” gloats Carter.

Sure, sure...there's starving kids in S. America and Africa...so what!

Cloning T-Rex

A pregnant, preserved 68-million year old Tyrannosaurus Rex was found in Montana opening the 'opportunity' to clone one back to life.

Lindsay Zanno at North Carolina State University says the dinosaur and its egg contains the necessary DNA to make it happen.

This weeks after experts from the University of Chile managed to grow dinosaur legs on a chicken.

What the hell's going on? Aren't nuke war, ISIS, Ebola, Zika, pandemic flu, comets, alien invaders, giant-loud-whistles and Hillary Clinton enough to worry about?

Fast Food Wage Fight

CEO Andy Pudzer of Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s toured the first worker free eatery in the USA - Etsa.

Pudzer wants to block #FIGHTFOR15 by getting rid of human workers.

Pudzer notes robots “[are] always polite, ...always upsell, ...never take a vacation, ...never show up late, ...never a slip-and-fall, or [file] an age, sex, or race discrimination case."

Say bye-bye min wagers.

DOJ To Seize Apple's OS

Make no mistake, Apple is blowing smoke alleging the data retrieval from one iPhone will somehow magically crash all iPhones.

DOJ will make Apple get the data off the terrorists iPhone even if it costs Cook and crew the whole enchilada (the company).

DOJ says they will take the source code of the OS and peel away the layers themselves! At that point Cook can count on a cacophony of unintended consequences.

Tired of playing chicken yet Tim?

Pee Free In NYC

Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance Jr. says the NYPD can forget arresting people for public consumption of alcohol, public urination, littering, riding between subway cars or taking more than one subway seat.

He won't prosecute.

So are people finally free to pee profusely and litter lavishly wherever and whenever they want? Uh huh.

Seems NYC has 700,000 outstanding warrants on wanton wandering wizzers. So why not give up - the place smells like a monkey cage anyway.

Man Waterboards Girlfriend

Dylan VanCamp is charged with six felonies and three misdemeanors, including suffocation, stalking and battery.

VanCamp waterboarded his girlfriend to force her to falsely confess she was cheating.

It seems VanCamp has priors for bail jumping, possession of drug paraphernalia, disorderly conduct, battery, strangulation and suffocation.

VanCamp faces a mere decade in prison for the current cacophony of crimes.

What the turd needs is a sack of shit tied over his head then chained to a rock and tossed over a Wisconsin bridge. But then someone would prolly run into him in a canoe.

Anti-Gay Students

Shadow Hills High School in LA is seeing a sprouting of students sporting anti-LGBT stickers.

Michelle Bachman, a senior at the school and head of the Gay Straight Alliance decries the decals are “definitely hate speech."

But the school district says, “After consulting with district level personnel and our legal counsel, it was determined that these students do have the protected right to freedom of speech, just as students portraying rainbows in support of the LGBT would.”

Looks like this time the stickers stay.