Obama's Erection

While CNN, the New York Times and Washington Post are trying to talk you out of voting for Trump spamming salacious stories of groping and grunge talk the same media conveniently ignored far worse when Obama was running in 2008.

What was it?

Aboard a campaign flight, then-Senator Obama freaked a female reporter by man-spreading an erection.  The flushed female bolted to the back of the plane.  Rather than close-up and calm-down Obama wheeled around so the other female reporters could get a good look and a good laugh, further encouraging the pervert to keep it up.

Why didn't the incident make the news?  What's your best guess....

Hillary's Horror Here

The salacious election is in chaos and it looks like Hillary is gonna to win.

Hillary will ensure the constitution is obliterated by appointing an all left-wing Supreme Court.

Hillary's open borders will wave in another 200m Hispanics ready to snatch the laughably few jobs left (real jobless rate is 15% and corporate earnings have been in recession for 6 years).

Hillary will encourage Iran to use nukes Obama funded.  A military draft will be required; no one will fight for her.

In addition to doubling the debt to $40 trillion and collapsing the currency Hillary will gut what's left of social security, medicare and double-down on the horror story that is Obamacare.

Witness Hillary's tax hikes we know about:

- sign a payroll tax hike and increase already record level job killing taxes on corps
- levy tax hikes of $1,000,000,000,000 over the next ten years
- levy a $2.16 tax on 6-packs of 'soda'
- double the excise tax on guns and levy a 25% federal tax on gun sales
- raise estate taxes to 65%
- double the capital gains tax rate to 43.4%
- create a carbon tax that will destroy the US energy industry and hike consumer goods prices

Gloom and doom. You bet. And those voting for Hillary will sink in their sow.

Human Age Limit: 125

Dorian Gray Silicon Valley billionaires are pouring tons of cash into gerontology research in their vain attempt to live forever....the problem?

Researchers led by Jan Vijg of the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in NYC just published their results which say humans will never live longer than 125.

Though life expectancy has increased in the aggregate over the past 150 years, 'improvements in survival with age tend to decline after age 100,' and that the age at death of the world's oldest person has not increased since the 1990s.

The chances of seeing any human make it to 125 would be 1 in 10,000 years.

Ah, but some of the Dorian's are scamming the game by becoming one with a machine.   You know, as God intended.....not.

Hillary's Hideous Health

The specifics regarding Hillary's health are being hidden from the public. The press is in on the coverup of course, demonizing anyone that raises the issue and deflecting to non-issues such as Trump's tax returns.

But the inconvenient truth is she's sick...really sick.

Hillary is suffering from arrhythmia (abnormal heart beat), a leaking heart valve, chronic low blood pressure (hypotension), insufficient blood flow, a tendency to form life-threatening blood clots (DVT/PE), thrombosis, hyperthyroidism, and dangerous side effects from her medications (Coumadin and beta blockers).

Obama tried to get her help at Walter Reed recently but Hillary refused.  Hillary gets secret medical support at the New York-Presbyterian Hospital.  She sneaks into a private entrance and demands the doctors' complicit silence.

The presidency is more than full-time job and Hillary is clearly unfit for the office.  Unfit in so many ways it boggles the mind.

Male Deconstruction At Duke

The Women's Center at Duke University has cooked up a man-hating class to 'help' male students “question and deconstruct toxic masculinities.”

The organizers say: “We want to explore, dissect, and construct an intersectional understanding of masculinity and maleness, as well as to create destabilized spaces for those with privilege.”

To get a perspective on this nonsense recall Hitler establishing a Reich Ministry of Public Enlightenment in 1933 headed by Joseph Goebbels.

The Ministry's mission was to shove the Nazi message down the German people's throat via art, music, theater, films, books, radio, educational institutions, and the press.

The ministry broke down resistance against leaving Jews unmolested by characterizing the Nazi government as stepping in and “restoring order.”

Now substitute 'males' for 'Jews' and the message becomes Krystallnackt clear, does it not?

Saran Wrap Bikini

Six-foot-six senior citizen Stephen Wojciehowski, 62, was arrested for indecent exposure Monday wearing nothing but Saran Wrap and a smile on a Long Beach beach.

According to witnesses Wojciehowski did “spent two days on the beach” wearing the clear plastic bikini before being apprehended.

The cops swapped Wojciehowski cellophane man-kini for an orange jump suit and booked him on misdemeanor indecent exposure. 

Aside from the Stephen's age and an impossible to pronounce last name why Saran wrap remains a mystery.  But if the goof wants to stay out of jail he'd better try tin foil instead.

Trump Vandal Electrocuted

Hillary personifies corruption.  Her slithery sidestepping of national security laws have stained the Democrats, FBI and DOJ.

So when a dastardly Democrat is dealt a little payback, well it just seems extra fair these days...

Witness the stealthy Trump sign snatcher dealt a 20amp, 220 volt jolt.  And to add insult to injury the turd's malfeasance is also caught on camera leading to his arrest for vandalism.

As pitcher Preacher Roe once said, "Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you."

Sex Makes Men See God

New research at Duke and North Carolina University uncovers the odd idea that sex makes men more likely to believe in God.

Scientist attribute the phenomenon to the infamous “cuddle hormone”, Oxtocin, which pours into the bloodstream during orgasm and heightens ecstasy and a religious reaction.

Oxytocin is said to also evoke other emotions such as awe, gratitude, hope, inspiration, love, and serenity. 

How much Oxytocin you get is geared to the presence of the gene CD38, which regulates the hormone’s release in the brain.

Apparently Atheists don't have the gene and are therefore doomed to a short life of disrespect, despair, ingratitude, animosity, anxiety, and a lack of nooky.

Scrotox Storm Brewing

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Spare Rib Dog Paws?

Ashley Jefferson says the China Palace in Havre de Grace, Maryland swapped her spare ribs for dog paws.

After staring at the odd delectable she says she started to hurl.  So she bolted to the ladies room to iSnap some proof and posted the puppy paw pictures on Facebook.

But no one bit.

So blond Ashley snapped some real dog paws posting those alongside her spare ribs, captioning:  "I googled a dead dog paw and took a pic of what they delivered to me... and tell me if I'm wrong but they look exactly the same."

The folks at China Palace quickly au contraire'd insisting the lady mistook cartilage for toe nails.  Plus the Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene agreed, "There is no evidence of any dog meat in this facility."

Hey Ashley...tried the cockroach stew over at the Been There Thai'd That restaurant yet?

Criminal Gene Discovered

Jeff Dahlmer was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD):

Some 70% of the 2.3 million prison population are ASPD compared to 3% in the general population.  These animals are:

    Charming and obsequiousness manipulating others
    Break the law repeatedly
    Reckless with the safety of self and others
    Have a history of substance abuse
    Lie, steal, and are quick to anger and confrontation
    Boastful and arrogant showing no guilt or remorse

Science has long suspected prison inmates may be born criminals. And now there is proof.

'...gene rs4714329 was found to be broadly associated with the different aspects of ASPD,’ reads the study published in the journal Translational Psychiatry.

Gay Traffic Lights

London's wrong-headed traffic program replacing 'walk' and 'green man' in traffic lights with LGBTQ symbols is confusing pedestrians.

The lights are getting two male 'partners' or two women holding hands.  And some are getting hyper complicated transgender symbols.

Jennifer Riordan, 26, from Leeds, says,  “I have gay and LGBT friends and they’re not my ‘gay’ friends, they are just my friends...don’t draw attention to different gender choices, just let people be who they want.”

Well Jennifer the social engineers are not interested in letting people be who they want.  Some seem hell-bent on killing people in cross-walks in the name of gender confusion.

Putin Poisoned Hillary?

Paranoid delusions and conspiracy theory seem to ooze from Hillary more readily than a rational idea or constructive comment.

Astonishingly we find it was Hillary behind the Obama birther conspiracy.

A few weeks ago she blamed Russia and Trump for the DNC email hacks.  And once blamed Bill's impeachment on a "vast right wing conspiracy."

So why be shocked when a shill on the left cooks up a poisoning theory to explain Hillary's health problems?

Dr Bennet Omalu, the MD who ran-down the NFL concussion question, tweeted: "I must advice (sic) the Clinton campaign to perform toxicological analysis of Ms Clinton's blood...possible she is being poisoned...I do not trust Mr Putin and Mr Trump..."

The theory points to Putin's list of opponents who were indeed poisoned. The problem? Putin would rather have Hillary in the WH than Trump...Hillary has already proven she is no match for Vlad out in the real world.

Hillary Birthed Birther Baloney

The Washington Post confirmed Hillary Clinton started the Birther Movement.

That's right folks. The shadowy Obama citizenship conspiracy came from Hillary herself as verified today by Hillary's 2008 campaign manager.

The Hillary campaign also circulated a picture of Obama in a turban in an attempt to paint him as a Muslim masticater.

In 2008 Obama’s campaign manager David Plouffe slammed the Hillary crew as,  “the most shameful, offensive fear-mongering we’ve seen...in this election."

Deja Vu all over again huh Hillary?

Women Obsolete

A bio-sciences landmark has been achieved at the University of Bath paving the way for a baby born just from the DNA of a single male's sperm.

Three generations of mice have already been created using the technique. 

For now two sperm are used, but in theory, the technique should work with any cell in the body once half the chromosomes are removed before fusing them with a sperm's chromosomes.

Artificial womb's are reality and can fully incubate a human embryo to term.  In essence, a single male can now reproduce, or two gay men, or even cells/sperm cryogenically preserved from any age male today for future offspring reproduction.

Women are now antiquated and antediluvian.   The human race no longer needs them...

Hillary 911 Collapse

By now most must know Hillary is sick.  Today she collapsed entirely and had to be carried into her van as she tried to make her way back from a 911 Memorial event.

In a sense what's happening to Hillary is Karma...after decades of Machiavellian shenanigan she's just not gonna make it to the finish line.

Yesterday Hillary pee'd on her own shoes after revealing what she REALLY thinks about about us, “...you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the ‘basket of deplorables,' [they are] racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic, you name it..."

As the chief counsel for the US Army told witch hunter Sen. Joe McCarthy , "At long last, have you left no sense of decency?"

Her failing health and piss-poor attitude is a definitive deal breaker, folks.

Suicide By Fat

Remember Nick Cage drinking himself to death in Leaving Las Vegas?  Well here's the same story only it's EATING oneself to death and not leaving Ft. Worth, Texas.

Monica Riley is consuming 8,000 calories a day converting her 700 pound porcine potbelly into a bed-wrecking 1,000 pound immovable mass of marshmallows.   She says so she can feel like a "queen."

To get there as fast as she can Monica's 'boyfriend" Sid Riley makes bucket sized shakes consisting of ten Pop Tarts, heavy-duty cream, ice cream, milk and weight-gain powder.  Then Sid stands on a step stool to cascade the concoction down her throat with a funnel.

Monica said: "The bigger I get the sexier I feel. I love my big soft belly and stuffing myself with food really turns me on."

And after a pair of miscarriages the two are trying for a kid. But the sex seems to be more fantasy than reality.

Monica's other dream?   One day she hopes Sid will build her a bed with a toilet in center.

Can't make a story like this up, folks.  Not even you're Stephen King.

Ethanol Worse Than Gasoline

Surprise!  The greenies wrong again.

Ethanol the magic elixir costing taxpayers billions, destroying engines and pipelines, and now proven worse for the air than gasoline emissions seems somehow poetic.

A new study from the U of Michigan’s Energy Institute shows busting up prairie land releases excess CO2.  Then cooking corn and fermenting it requires even more energy bubbling off yet more CO2 making a net INCREASE in CO2 production over gasoline.

The study also concludes: “using government mandates and subsidies to promote politically favored fuels is a waste of taxpayers’ money.”

IKEA Testicle Trap

The five-buck IKEA Marius stool is classically clean and simple but leave it up to some Nordic doorknob to find a way to get captured in a cold shower with his nutsack trapped in one.

Claus Jørstad, 45, needed to sit while showering because he has bad knees. With the water flowing Claus settled in for his first hot steam with the stool. But the setup went sideways swiftly. A testicle had subtly settled into a vent hole and the steam swelled it stuck. Claus was one with the Marius.

Then things got crazy. Sitting beyond reach of the faucet the hot water turned ice cold and the immobilized goon pondered reaching for a hair dryer to stay warm. Lucky for Claus the pooling icy water emancipated the anchored gonad before he could electrocute himself.

Jørstad sits on a towel now and life is larger, but not without risk...at least not for a guy with bad knees and a shower stool from IKEA.

Man Taints Gay Lube

A 62-year-old male crept into "Sydney's gay and bi social club" with "three levels of adult adventure" called Aarows and filled a 'lubrication' dispenser with hydrochloric acid.

The dispensers had been tampered with before and were fitted with alarms. 

The perp's been charged with administering poison with the intent to cause injury, distress or pain, and malicious damage.

When asked why, the man said, "It could be anything really. People are perverted".