Bacon Hate Crime

A shadowy figure wrapped raw bacon around door handles at the Las Vegas Masjid Tawheed mosque over the weekend.

Police say the pork bandit was captured on video and is assumed slippery and dangerous.   Since Islamic's are forbidden to touch bacon the 'incident' is being treated as a 'hate crime.'

Wonder how Muslims avoid pork in chow mein?

In other news: Muslim Charged With Lighting Fire — To His Own Mosque!

NYC $250K Gender Fine

You a landlord in NYC?  Did you refer to a transsexual tenant as “he” or “she” when they wanna be called “hir or zhe?”

Well, New York's new PC law, “Discrimination on the Basis of Gender Identity or Expression," just made you $250,000 poorer.

Ignore those who "say" they are male or female and require female bartenders to wear makeup, or males to have short hair, or say no to males who wanna cross-dress gets you slapped the same way.

Still wanna own a building or run a business in NYC? 

Condom Machine Kills Man

A 29-year-old German man was killed after a chunk of condom machine fitted with a homemade explosive device hammered his head.

The man was unable to escape after lighting the fuse.  His cohorts in the crime drove him to a hospital where he died in short order.

When the trio got to the hospital they claimed the whacker-wrapper thief fell down a flight of stairs.  But that fell apart when the staff noticed a colossal corrugation in the guys skull.

400 Pound Woman Stabs Man

A 39-year-old man of ordinary stature asked a group of people on a San Diego sidewalk for a cigarette yesterday.

Suddenly a mountainous 400 pound bearded woman parted the crowd and stabbed the demure male in the neck.

The at-large female waddled-off wearing a billowing white shirt and ginormous jeans but was apprehended the next day when 'she' returned to get her junk.  Like she could hide anyway.

The bearded behemoth was booked in county jail on assault with a deadly weapon and for scaring the poop out of some poor guy with a nicotine craving.

Obama Schlonged Hillary

Well, is it true Hillary got the shaft from both Obama and the DNC in 2008?  Let's take a quick look back...

In her 2010 documentary, "We Will Not Be Silenced" lifelong Democrat Gigi Gaston charged the DNC with “depriving American voters of their choice of Hillary Clinton [by resorting to] threats, intimidation, lies, stolen documents, falsified documents, [and] busing in voters in exchange for paying for ‘dinners’.”

Remember the 2008 Florida, Michigan primary fiasco?  Hillary was leading when the DNC banned both primaries. Obama defied the ban and campaigned in both critical swing-states.  The DNC restored their delegates at the convention and Obama won the nomination.

So bend over and grab your ankles Hillary.  The Donald's standing behind you this time...

White Christmas Banned

Ironically, about half of Christmas songs were written by Jews.  Examples include White Christmas, The Christmas Song (chestnuts roasting), Let It Snow, I'll Be Home For Christmas, and Silver Bells.

So given the crazy crap cropping-up on campuses lately is anyone shocked students at George Mason University voted to ban the Irving Berlin tune White Christmas as racist?

Nevermind a 'white' Christmas is snow on the ground...it has 'white' in the title and that's all race/gender fascists need to carve up another American tradition.

During the debate on the ban one student snorted the song, “doesn’t mention anything about climate change...very inappropriate.”

These kids are facing a factoid firing-squad of their own forging.

Wild Holiday Wives

The holiday season brings together family, fun, football and ferocity.  Did you know Super Bowl Sunday is spike day for domestic violence?

Here's two wives who couldn't wait for football and got their beatings done early.

Dawn Meikle, 55, had enough of her hubby's booty belching (farting for white folks).  After demanding the 'ol man put a plug in his butt-trumpet Dawn opened up a can of kicking, spitting and scratching.  But all Dawn got was a Christmas in the slammer.

Jamie Elrod, 37, bit into a first-degree assault charge after chomping her husband's ear off over a beer.  Elrod's being held on $30,000 bond while her beer-bo hubby sits home alone on Super Bowl Sunday with a game book, half an ear, and a fresh double-six-pack of Brown Derby.

Hysteria Hits Girl's Shower

Transsexual 'Student A' was provided a separate locker room so the ACLU got the DOE's Civil Rights Division to rule a Palatine Chicago High School discriminated against the kid “on the basis of sex.”

The school board was forced to allow 'Student A' to shower with the girls despite being "still anatomically a male."

“What bothers me is the...student is still anatomically a male,” a 16-year-old sophomore complained. “If the student had already undergone surgical procedures, this would be another story entirely...”

The ACLU insists student objections are due to "hysteria" generated by the school board not by privacy concerns.   Maybe the ladies at the ACLU will shower with the Chicago Bears and test that assumption?

IQ Genes Discovered

Imperial College London has found two networks of genes that determine whether people are intelligent or dumber than an ashtray on a motorcycle.

Researchers say up to 75% of IQ is genetic.  The rest determined by external factors like schooling and self-study.

“Our research suggests that it might be possible to...modify intelligence...we have just taken a first step along that road.”

Before gene-splicing your kids remember high IQ can also be a curse.

Consider the antics of Unabomber Ted Kaczynski, the OCD of Nikola Tesla, the crippling depression of Ludwig Von Beethoven, the autism of Michelangelo, the agoraphobia of Charles Darwin, and the anti-gravity mood swings of Isaac Newton.

Star Wars Brouhaha

Addicts get shunned unless the cravings are socially okay.

Star Wars junkies jammed late-last-night into a theater in Hollywood and sunk into mass hysteria after the projector failed during the final scenes.

Giant-loud booing filled the hall and hundreds of iPhones whipped-out frenzied tweets filled with grumbling, grousing, pissing and moaning.

Sweaty palmed theater management issued refunds but the crazed crowd sniveled, "you really can’t get that first time watching a Star Wars film...back!”

Life ends when the movie does...at least for pathetic poodoo propeller heads.

Cardio Disease #1 Killer

Did you know in the USA almost 1 million or 1 in 3 deaths are from heart disease and stroke each year?

And blacks are 2 times more likely to succumb as whites. In fact, 48% of black women and 46% of black men have some form of cardiovascular disease.

An astounding 10% of the population are diabetic and although blacks are 13% of the population they're 50% of that number too.

What's the take-away? Watch your blood pressure, stay away from sugar and don't be born black!

Vegan Climate Culprits

Carnegie Mellon University found growing common vegetables requires more resources per calorie and generates far higher greenhouse gas emissions than meat production.

'Eating lettuce generates four times the CO2 than eating bacon...eggplant, celery, and cucumbers look particularly bad when compared to pork or chicken,' notes professor Paul Fishbeck. 

Yet another inconvenient truth for vegan/climate change culprits who assume a sans-meat diet is better, not worse for the environment. 

Forensics Nails Jesus

Forensic science was used to reconstruct the face of Jesus Christ based on the skulls of three Jewish men from the period.

Professor Richard Neave of Manchester University used computerized tomography to create x-ray slices of the skulls yielding exact thicknesses to recreate the the skin and muscles of the face, left.

The Vatican insists Jesus looked more like a small boy based on the images from the Shroud Of Turin.

Either way, does it really matter what the guy looked like?

Swearing Students Smarter

American psychologists Kristin and Tim Jay tested the long-held myth of “poverty of vocabulary.”    In layman's terms the premise that profane people are puerile, pugnacious and dumb.

Student guinea pigs were given 60 seconds to utter every swear word they knew, rapidly followed by as many animal names.

The results? The copious cursing crowd were more clever and coherent than their less profane peers.

That is, a voluminous taboo lexicon is the better indicator of healthy verbal abilities rather than a lame-assed indicator of dickless deficiencies.

ACLU Trump Shooter

History is crawling with left-wing mass killers.  Examples include Mao, Mussolini, Stalin, Pol Pot, Castro, Chavez, Che, and Hitler.  Hitler?  Remember it was the National Socialist Workers Party.

ACLU board member Loring Wirbel posted this on Facebook, “The thing is, we have to really reach out to those who might consider voting for Trump and say, ‘This is Goebbels. This is the final solution. If you are voting for him [Trump] I will have to shoot you before Election Day.’ They’re not going to listen to reason, so when justice is gone, there’s always force…”

Well, the leftist lunatic resigned today...you know, because he's got a lot of Trump voter lists to compile and more guns to get before the election.

Savage Squirrel At Large

Richard 'Dick' Williams, 87, made the mistake of wandering into his own garage and confronting a well-hung grey squirrel known to be terrorizing the neighborhood.

“He [the squirrel] charged me and jumped, and from then on, the battle started, he was really vicious. He was clawing and scratching, I was trying to get him off. Every time I’d get him off, he’d jump back up again.”

Dick's 83-year-old wife Norma heard screaming and when she saw her bloodied husband, “I grabbed the broom...I guess I hit the squirrel with it.”

The squirrel pivoted and started to maul Norma.

Dick got back on his feet, “I was able to grab him by the tail, threw him on the garage floor and he seemed stunned [and escaped]."  Dick was hospitalized.

The scrappy Sciuridae is the primary suspect in the dastardly attack on five other hapless humans.  Forensics found matching claw patterns on victims at Pleasant Valley Elementary school along with a lot of blood-soaked squirrel hair.

Animal control is combing the streets and nearby woods and asks the public to stock up on brooms, stay inside and report anything suspicious.

Naked High-Speed DUI

The Florida Highway Patrol had a 110mph chase on Alligator Alley yesterday ending with the arrest of Noe DeJesus.

The trooper ordered Noe out of the Cadillac.   Out popped a smirking DeJesus buck naked and crapulent on Corona and Crown Royal.  Three women screaming in the back seat.

DeJesus was panted, cuffed, jailed and charged with reckless drunk driving, open containers, naked behind the wheel and driving sans license.   Maybe it's the whiskey?

Vegan Health Warning

An Australian study found vegetarians are 18% more likely to be depressed and 28% more likely to get panic attacks and anxiety.

Red meat is full of protein and vitamins but the sinew also hardens arteries, collects in the colon and can lead to cancer when blackened.

Still a vegan diet leaves behind B Vitamins, zinc, iron and tryptophan which are critical nutrients, especially for women.

So, if you don't down an occasional chicken then be ready to get sick.  Women low on zinc and iron become anemic and lose bone mass - very serious problems indeed.

Blacks Demand Free College

The Black Liberation Collective want (their words):

• WE DEMAND at the minimum, Black students and Black faculty to be reflected by the national percentage of Black folk in the country
• WE DEMAND free tuition for Black and indigenous students
• WE DEMAND a divestment from prisons and an investment in communities

Money for noth'n get your college, housing, medical for free...

The Supreme Court is about to strike down affirmative action because “The way to stop discrimination on the basis of race is to stop discriminating on the basis of race.”

Men Into Women: The Movie

Did you know the penis and scrotum become a vagina during reassignment surgery?

The male to female transmogrification is shown below.  And the result produces an organ that functions in every way like the real thing.

For men the images will tear at the psyche and growl at the groin.  No telling what it will do to women.

But no matter, the whole thing is at least an anatomy lesson.  Leaving the 'patient' with a non-reversible result and a lifetime of having to pee sitting down.

DOJ Goes After Speech

Obama refuses to call the Jihadi slaughter in San Bernadino a terror attack.  As long as Obama plays hide the Quran what are the odds of stopping the carnage?

Last night Loretta Lynch at DOJ was schmoozing at the Muslim Advocate’s 10th anniversary dinner.  She refused to tag Muslims for San Berdo, instead pandered to the audience, “We stand with you in this.”

Lynch said since the Paris attacks her greatest concern is, “incredibly disturbing rise of anti-Muslim rhetoric."

Wonder if Obama would sing a different tune if his family weren't guarded day and night by a thousand secret service agents?

Silicon Valley Acid Heads

Competition in Silicon Valley has always been fierce for jobs, stock options, and housing.  Some are hanging on too tight.

“LSD microdosing has helped me come up with some new designs to explore and new ways of thinking,” an anon tech worker says.

“The billionaires I know, almost without exception, use hallucinogens on a regular basis,” VC Tim Ferriss says. “[They’re] trying to be very disruptive and look at the problems in the world … and ask completely new questions.”

Well these guys aren't gonna stay high for long.  LSD is a Schedule I drug says the DEA,  “[and are] the most dangerous drugs of all...with potentially severe psychological or physical dependence.”