CA DMV Rejects

The California DMV rejects “any personalized license plate configuration that [carries] connotations offensive to good taste and decency.”

Whose taste?  Whose decency?   Those civil servants at the agency with a GED an average IQ in the hamster range.

Recent rejects include:

• BEMYBAE (Bae means 'poop' in Swedish. You knew that, right?)
• CC8JWS (8 is 'hate' and JWS is 'Jews'  easy peasy.)
• ITSLIT (see it?  'SLIT' referring to a vagina? The wife says this all the time.)
• 420EDDI (c'mon dude, trying to roll 420 by us?)
• SCHLAFR (Schlafer is 'sleeper' in German. You know, a terrorist cell.)
• BMWHNTR (no way this Audi driver gets on our roads with this threat)
• ONW2BYB (censors got: 'on my way to bang you bitch'.  whew!)
• HUF4RTD (did you get 'who farted' right away?  I didn't.)
• DICKOUT (okay, maybe. the driver said it was his son moving out, finally)
• NO2KOCH ('no to cooch' say censors, but it's really 'no to cock' right?)
• DCKXTSN (you see 'dick extension' here?  censors did.)
• BLUEME (can only mean 'blew me' right? who are these censor guys?)
• MOBYCAT ('Moby dick' is certainly banned, but 'Moby pussy' too?)
• 808B8D (does this look like a text penis to you?  they say yea.)
• HOTNSXE (the driver was a middle aged woman, DENIED!)
• FUKTRMP (I thought everyone in CA thinks this...)
• GTNBSY (driver was working single mom...who's she trying to kid, right?)
• FSHBALL (no real reason, just can't say 'ball' folks.)
• GASPASR (driver an anesthesia nurse. censor asks 'are you gassy?')
• GAYMUR (like 'ball' has 'gay' in it)
• WELUVPS (driver? 'we love palm springs' censor? 'we love pussy')
• SHIKSA (not even Yiddish slurs are allowed)
• S8TAN (guess the Goths don't get to play either)

Still wanna take a shot at a personal plate?  Fuhgetaboutit, which was also rejected.

Heart Attack Toilet Seat

Inventors at the Rochester Institute of Technology in New York have prototyped a $2000 toilet seat that automatically detects a heart attack in the making and sends critical data to doctors via Wi-Fi.

The seat has sensors pressing against your ass that pickup signs when oxygen volume in your blood is low.  When blood pressure is high and when smaller amounts of blood are being pumped with each heartbeat the alarm is issued.

Heart failure isn't curable but it is treatable. If left untreated a weak heart can cause breathlessness, tiredness and dizziness.  And eventually death.

Pooping trials are now under way with 150 high-risk candidates.

Woman Dies From Five-Hour Sex Session

A 32-year-old woman, known as 'The Beast', collapsed after a five hour, drug-fueled, carnal-lympics with a crippling case of cardiac arrest.

Her sex partner called for an ambulance but it never arrived.  So he wrapped her in blankets, tossed her into a taxi and sped off to the University Hospital of Valle in Cali, Columbia.

Despite heroic efforts to revive her, doctors pronounced her dead as she lay on the table.

The cops questioned the man and learned of the mutual participation in the horrendous, multi-hour wanton marathon.  And released him back into the wild.

'The Beast' did set the bar, however.  Limit lust time to something less than five hours and you should be good to go.  And oh yea, have an adrenaline filled cardiac needle near the bed, you know, just in case.

Court Rules Victim Too Ugly To Be Raped

Italy’s Justice Ministry ordered a new hearing after an all female appeals court panel overturned a rape verdict characterizing the victim female as too masculine and ugly to be a credible rape victim.

The Peruvian woman, who was allegedly raped by two Peruvian males, has since returned to Peru. Her attackers apparently inflicted genital trauma during the attack so severe that she required stitches and a lengthy bed rest.

Small riots broke out in front of the court house. 

Opium-Addicted Parrots Raid Poppy Fields

Neemuch is a town in the Indian state of Madhya Pradesh where the main cash crop is opium poppies.

"One poppy makes 20-25 grams of opium. The parrots feed on the plants 30-40 times a day. Wiping out our profits," Neemuch farmers complain.

The hopped up parrots can strike at anytime.  So cultivators are forced to guard their fields day and night.  "We make loud sounds and use firecrackers. But nothing helps."

Anyone feel sorry for the strung-out parrots or the pukes growing the poppies?