Woman Masturbater At Walmart

Monday a Louisiana Walmart security camera recorded 33-year-old Shaniqua Johnson shoving sausages under her shirt and then bolting for the bathroom.

The security guard knocked on her stall door and after no response swung it open and gazed upon a scene he said would “haunt his dreams forever.”

Yes.  You guessed it.  Shaniqua was ramming Jimmy Dean sausage into her nether region with furious pace and abandon.  The guard complained, “she didn’t even stop...she just stared at me and kept going.”

Given Shaniqua's size and raw indifference to discovery the little 140 lb security guy got scared and ran for help.  Some seven cops were needed to wrestle the sausage and Shaniqua to the ground.  Shaniqua faces beefs of shoplifting, indecent exposure, and resisting arrest.

Walmart stated they "do not tolerate this type of behavior" and point to bathroom signs clearly warning "no merchandise is allowed beyond this point."

But Shaniqua's solo saunterings prolly justify adding something about auto-erotica to the signs.   That or shed cigar shaped comestibles from the meat department.

Native Americans Not Native Nor First

Archaeologists have discovered evidence of human hunters from over 130,000 years ago - 115,000 years earlier than once theorized in North America.

And LONG before ancestors of so-called Native Americans crossed over the Bering Land bridge at the end of the last ice retreat 13,000 years ago.

Researchers found butchered remains of a mastodon in San Diego.  The chips and fractures could only have been made by early humans.

American Indians are not native and not first.  So the US government shouldn't give preferences to the red devils.  Right folks?

Brothel Bust From Clogged Sewer

Juan Wang and hubby Joseph Emery were running a whore house at Jade Massage Therapy in Austin, Texas.

Business was bold, bustling and brisk.  But one day an industrial disposal unit connecting the building to the city’s sewer service was choked off and clogged with condoms. 

The cops got warrants and raided Wang's weenie-works catching naked patrons and prostitutes in the act.  A search of Wang's domicile also turned-up $66,000 cash in a safe.

The couple had a dozen damsels living at the house.  Wang waxed, “most would tip between $40 and $120 [for the a la carte] on top of a standard $60 charge [for back and butt rubs]."

"Milk" And "Tomahawk Missile" Are Racist

PETA has a new video belching, “Did you know that milk has long been a symbol used by white supremacists?”   The screw-loose-leftists insist milk is the neo-Nazi drink of choice and has “long been” a symbol used by white supremacist groups as a “thinly veiled allegory for racial purity.”

But the milk and cookies don't stop with the PETA pukes.  On April 8th the toad-in-chief at Mother Jones, Clara Jeffrey tweeted, "That the missiles are called tomahawks must enrage a lot of Native Americans."

Clara got scalped trying to co-opt American Indians and what they might like or dislike.

Hitler preferred meth to milk.   And the Indians have bigger issues than military names for missiles but then what else do left-wing goof have going?

7 Executions In 11 Days

Arkansas hasn't had an execution in twelve years.  So death row is packed like sardines in a salty tin.

The state’s midazolam supply (sedative) expires at the end of April and a fresh batch is in short supply.

Originally Gov. Asa Hutchinson okayed eight in eleven days but a judge has delayed the die date for one of the inmates beyond the drug's expiration.

Four blacks, three whites will dies this month and that has anti-death-penalty goons going gaga.  Tough. 

Convict Hides Gun In Butt

Twenty-three-year-old Jesse O’Neal Roberts was standing in line being booked at Alabama’s Limestone County Jail when a gun fell out of his butt.

Officers surmised Roberts pooped his pants but the gun was found in the bottom of his boxer shorts on first frisk instead.

When Roberts was arrested for burglary the cops thought he was drunk or crippled.  But the real reason was far more repugnant.

The brandishing butt burglar was charged with carrying a pistol without a permit, “first-degree promoting prison contraband."    What?  No law covering a firearm rammed up a rectum?

California Pandemic Warning

California Dept of Public Health issued a March 31st dire alarm warning two invasive (non-native) mosquito species named Aedes aegypti (the yellow fever mosquito) and Aedes albopictus (the Asian tiger mosquito) are breeding like wildfire in 10 counties (160 cities).

These are the Zika, dengue, chikungunya and yellow fever mosquitoes.

The CDC suspects the century-record rains in the sinking state combined with large existing populations of these dangerous disease vectors will lead to a world-wide pandemic on a scale equal to or exceeding the 1957 Asian flu pandemic.

Thanks again Jerry 'Bonehead' Brown and your merry band of deleterious Democrat Party dolts.

N Korea Nuke Ship

North Korea may detonate a nuclear bomb in a US harbor using a freighter instead of a missile.

James Woolsey, ex director of CIA told congress, "...an atomic bomb hidden on a freighter sailing under a false flag into a U.S. port, or...fly a nuclear 9/11 suicide mission across the unprotected border with Mexico [would put] New York, New Orleans, Los Angeles, and San Francisco, San Diego, Phoenix, Austin, and Santa Fe...at risk."

Woolsey added, "A Hiroshima-type A-Bomb yielding 10-kilotons...would cause about 200,000 casualties..."

Worse?  North Korea may even have a Hydrogen bomb.  Such a bomb would kill millions.

Still think it's a game liberals? 

N Korean Defector Says Kim Jong Un Will Use Nukes: ‘World Should be Ready’