13 Top Web Trolls

Troll: a mythical, cave-dwelling creature found in folklore, typically having a very ugly appearance.

Even before the first Web chat/comments went up trolls were breeding in between the cracks of the Internet ready to brow beat others their with slack-jawed sniping and take-no-prisoners abuse.

So here are the top 13 troll types each more suited for a psychiatry couch than civil conversation. 

The Grammar Goon - self-appointed spelling and grammar fascist.
The Shouter - NEVER A lower-case KEY STROKE BE MADE.
The Hater - life is hell and everyone is gonna pay in text pain baby.
The Twister - you say tomato they say 'what you meant to say was tomahto'
The Preacher - Bible verse from one, Atheist rebuttals ad naseum from the other.
The Point Misser - no matter how obvious the rhetorical question they have an answer.
The Line Crosser - these people would be locked up if anyone could find them.
The Cryer - whoa is me, whoa is me, and screw you...
The Know-It-All - gargoyle of Google, fastest cut-and-paster in the room.
The Idiot - basically a card carrying self-absorbed dweeb willing to humiliate on command.
The Political Hack - two sides of the same issue, both wrong.
The Peacemaker - what the hell is wrong with people trying to calm down the other trolls?
The Funnyman - nothing is too serious that cannot be derailed with a pun or bad joke.

See yourself in the list?  Be honest...

Ten Avoidable Deaths

Some 700 accidental and about 11,000 homicides are by gun each year (90% with an illegal firearm).

Smoking and obesity kills 800,000 a year.  And abortion kills over 5,000 a DAY!

Smoking and stuffing your face are not in the Bill of Rights.  And Abortion was derived out of the asses of left-wingers back in the 60s.

So pucker-up anti-gun goons....you lose on avoidable ways to die.

Dueling Tee-Shirts

Emily Wilson, 38, mugshot left wearing a "Stop Domestic Violence" tee-shirt was arrested after pointing a handgun at her husband and firing a shot into the connubial bed.

High school teacher Wilson was booked on a pair of crimes: domestic violence reckless conduct with a dangerous weapon and domestic violence assault.

Apparently there is no law against hypocrisy.

She's out on $200 bail and still wearing the tee-shirt.  The husband, by contrast was seen wearing a "Don't Shoot The Bed" tee-shirt say neighbors.

More Sex Grows Penis

The good news? A study at the University of Exeter’s shows high frequency sex leads to a jumbo-tron penis.

The bad news? The study was done on sexton beetles (genus Nicrophorus).

Still, the penis-challenged may find some solace in the study, let's take a closer look.

The data shows the more sex the beetles had, the bigger the male’s genitals became and the female beetles also developed larger ‘claw-like’ growths on their genitals.

Ooops, guess not, sorry guys.

Cannabis Cancer

SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, and May Complicate Pregnancy.

Tobacco companies had over a hundred years free reign selling products with no such warnings.

The same excuses, rationalizations, denials, greed, deceptions, equivocations, and hypocrisy we saw with tobacco are reappearing in the Cannabis trades.

Dr Stuart Reece of the University of Western Australia says, 'Through our research we found that cancers and illnesses were likely caused by cell mutations resulting from cannabis properties having a chemical interaction with a person's DNA."

Of course, millions still smoke tobacco. Sadly, a new generation of unsuspecting Cannabis users will also face insidious health effects.

Wristband Punisher

Nobel laureate Ivan Pavlov discovered 'conditioned reflex' by making dogs salivate at the sound of a bell.

The inventors of Pavlok created an electric wristband to do the same thing.  Not to make you salivate but but to dump bad habits.

“Ever since I was 14, I would pull my hair out – touch it pull it,” says Naomi Cohn of Oakland.

Now the goof punishes herself with regular 450 volt jolts.

“I found myself at the end of the day not touching my hair at all,” Cohn boasts as she stares at the burn marks on her wrist.

At $200 bucks a pop ya gotta really wanna quit.  Pavlok warns not to use it if you have a pacemaker, are pregnant, or work in wet areas.

China's Canned Humans

Is China shipping marinated humans to African nations?

Chinese meat factory workers say bodies are butchered, marinated, canned then labelled as corned beef.  The practice began because China is out of cemeteries.

Zambian Deputy Defense Minister Christopher Mulenga says an investigation is underway.

Hoax?  Or as Hamlet said, “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark [China]”

Shoplifter Entitled

Everything is an entitlement these days.  Even stolen jewelry.

Prolancia Aquila Turner, 26, was caught shoplifting a pair of $12.50 earrings from a Claire’s jewelry outlet in a Vero Beach, Florida mall last week.

Nabbed at the door was Prolancia contrite?  No.   Instead,  the “crying and angry” Turner told the cops, “Everyone steals from this store. Why are you picking on me?”

Turner adds retail theft for pilfering to her two prior shoplifting offenses from 2015.

Given the 'attitude' it doesn't sound like rehabilitation is in Prolancia's future sadly.

Pooping Reporter Arrested

Phoenix KPHO TV reporter Jonathan Lowe was doing a story on ASU football player Patrick Zane Thompson.   According to Lowe, Thompson went bat-shit crazy breaking his pet dog’s neck and stuffing it into a BBQ smoker.  Pretty nasty.

But what Lowe failed to add was his own arrest for dropping khakis, squatting and pooping in Thompson's front yard.  You know, because he 'had to relieve himself.' 

The local papers contacted Lowe’s news director about the arrest but the station declined to comment on the 'personnel issue.'

Lowe was booked with violating code 11-1-30 prohibiting 'public urination or defecation.'   And Thompson?   Well he faces multiple charges including animal cruelty, assault, threats against his family and tampering with evidence.

We get the crappy assignment Jonathan but are you kidding man?

Pig + Human Embryo

Biologist Pablo Ross at the University of California, Davis says. "We're doing this for a biomedical purpose."

What are they doing?   Making half animal and half human embryos - 'Chimeras.'  Then, the chimera embryos are implanted into the wombs of adult pigs.

Ross says, "If a male chimeric pig mated with a female chimeric pig, the result could be a human fetus developing in the uterus of that female chimera," ultimately giving birth to some kind of part-human, part-pig creature.

Ross reassures not to worry he has it all under control.   Sure he does.

HIV Sex Parties

Psycho-sexual therapist Kate Morley says "going to sex roulette parties is about the risk, party goers think the higher the risk, the stronger the thrill, in the case of sex parties the intense high is as you combine orgasm with high adrenaline."

One party goer is HIV positive and anonymous.  The other partiers engage in random sex hoping to dodge the AIDS bullet.

How long before the madness meanders into San Francisco, Seattle or Wasington, DC?

Michelle .V. Melania

Obama's presidency is based on the race card and the nation is paying dearly being cowed by it.

So it follows any honest observation regarding Michelle Obama is quickly tagged racism.

But the naked truth is still better than a well-dressed lie and the truth depicted left is about as naked as it gets.

The naked truth is way better than a well-dressed lie.

Source : http://www.coolnsmart.com/truth_quotes/

The naked truth is way better than a well-dressed lie.

Source : http://www.coolnsmart.com/truth_quotes/

Michelle Obama is a LARGE woman with man-like feet and hands, table legs and an under-bite only a mother could love.

The prospect of a world-class beauty like Melania Trump replacing the lumbering, growling FLOTUS is a welcome and exciting prospect is it not folks?  

Trump Panics Liberals

Leaving the country when Trump wins the presidency?

Heritage Real Estate Group and Texas Urban Living Realty will sell your house and find you a new digs in Canada.

Need someone in Canada to meet you at the bus station?

Dating website Maple Match will hook you up with a Canadian ready to share your hatred and new home.

We just talking whiners like George Clooney, Rosie O'Donnell or Morgan Freeman?   Well, the Canadian Broadcasting Corp says 10,000 US singles and 2,500 Canadians have already signed up.

The Trump effect may be better than we hoped.   The DNC and RNC get purged and the country empties of self-deporting, brain-dead liberal loons.

Zimmerman Gun Bid $65M

George Zimmerman's Kel Tec PF-9 handgun used to kill Trayvon Martin in 2012 topped $65 million in auction today.

Zimmerman notes the gun is “fully functional as the attempts by the Department of Justice on behalf of [Obama] to render the firearm inoperable were thwarted by my phenomenal defense attorney.”

Zimmerman said part of the money will be used to “fight [Black Lives Matter] violence against law enforcement officers, ensure the demise of Angela [Corey’s] persecution career and Hillary Clinton’s anti-firearm rhetoric. “

At the conclusion of the sale Zimmerman will achieve financial independence and no doubt be immediately contacted by Obama's IRS for their pound of flesh.

Pizza Pie Addiction

The 500 most addictive foods are listed in the U.S. National Library of Medicine.

Pizza, unsurprisingly, tops the list.  The science?

Cheese contains a protein called casein.  During digestion, casein releases opiates called casomorphins.

Pizza Hut, Little Caesars, Dominoes and Papa John's perfected the pie fat fixed and festooned in frightful piles of casein encrusted Mozzarella, Provolone, and Cheddar.

Bon Appetite!

West Point Black Power Salute

Under Army Command Policy at West Point cadets may “register, vote, and express their personal opinion on political candidates and issues, but not as a representative of the Army.”

The pre-graduation photo left shows uniformed black female cadets gesturing the "black power salute."  An overt political expression and in violation of Academy policy.

West Point's black alumnus Mary Tobin writes on Facebook, “I refuse to allow my young West Point sisters to be railroaded, ostracized, demonized, degraded, and humiliated without speaking up on their behalf...we exist in a very racially and politically charged environment...”

The honor and privilege of attending West Point is now to be soiled by a bunch of racist cadets violating the code of conduct because "we exist in a racially charged environment?"

The irony stinks up the place...

IQ Test Before Breeding

Political Correctness prohibits calling people bozo, bimbo, blockhead, bonehead, buffoon, clod, cretin, dummy, dunce, dingbat, dildo, dumbass, dipstick, airhead, pinhead, imbecile, idiot, retard, ignoramus, stupid, simpleton, tool, lamebrain, moron, meathead, nimrod, ninny or nincompoop. 

The correct low IQ re-terms are 'learning disabled' or 'intellectually reduced.'

So when dating site OkCupid asked daters, 'Would the world be a better place if people with a low IQs were not allowed to reproduce?'  Low IQers on Twitter went postal.

OkCupid says this question, and other similar ones are used to help match potential partners.  We especially like, "Are Your Parents Ugly?" Answer: Yes, No, Not Sure and I Was Adopted.

Al Gore Fail

Al Gore's notorious movie 'An Inconvenient Truth' hit screens ten years ago.

The film is full of apocalyptic end of times doom-and-gloom for Earth and mankind.

So after a decade what about the predictions?

Gore said Mount Kilimanjaro in Africa would be snow-free “within the decade.”   Well, the decade whizzed by and there’s still snow on Kilimanjaro year-round.

Gore said CO2 would heat the planet in an “uninterrupted and intensifying [way].”   Instead, temps have shown no statistically significant warming trend for more than 21 years.

Gore predicted storms would become more frequent and intense.   Oops, the UN Climate agency Gore shared a Nobel prize with in 2007 found “no significant observed trends in global tropical cyclone frequency over the past century.”   In fact, there has been an eight year hurricane drought in the Caribbean.

Gore claimed the Arctic would be ice-free “within the next 50 to 70 years.”  The Arctic has the same amount of ice today as it did fifty years ago.   Worse?  The Antarctic (where 90% of the planets ice is formed) has added record ice growth thanks to global cooling.

Finally, Gore said fresh, cold water bled out into the North Atlantic will cause the Gulf Stream to stall sending Europe into another ice age.  Not only have the Australian's debunked the claim but has anyone seen ice skaters on the Tiber recently?

Sounds like Al better give the Nobel and the money back...but don't hold your breath; hell will freeze over before that happens.

Sugar Brain Drain

Sugar.   No matter from junk food or funky fragments of fruit, fructose is a malefactor. 

Researchers at UCLA found fructose damages brain cells and leads to diabetes, heart disease, Alzheimer's and ADH.

For six weeks fructose-fed rats (equivalent to a liter of Coke a day) trained for a maze race with water choked rats.    The sugar-frenzied rodents got rousted by the water wankers proving their brains were liquefied by the sweet substance.

Given 80+ year old billionaire Warren Buffet brags he's a two-fisted, six-pack-a-day Coke guzzler one has to wonder what his pancreas and brain are floating in...