You are forced to face the wonton, wasteful, imperious, serpentine, oppressive, reckless, execrated, spitting, behemoth federal government who comes to carve their pound of flesh from your meager earnings.
So you guess you 'got er done' yesterday? Or did you get that sinking feeling you left some on the table as the slopped stamp slipped onto the envelope? Then hustling to beat the midnight deadline you got a speeding ticket on the way to the the post office?
The ticket adding a pinch more salt in the paper cut wounds all over your hands and arms pulling the jammed return from the printer.
Let's test your tax attorney IQ - here are 13 deduction you should've taken and are now finding out a day after the tax deadline you didn't even know existed:
- You moved, great, did you take money off for moving your pet?
- You took care of the ex-wife's dogs for a day, did you deduct that?
- Blinded in a mine shaft explosion? Did you deduct the cost and care of your seeing eye dog?
- Pinched a nerve doing #47 of the Kama Sutra - did you deduct the chiropractor and acupuncture visits?
- Remember the go0d old days when you got a deduction for having kids? Now you can deduct for killing them. Yep deduct abortions.
- Orthodontist prescribe clarinet for the overbite? Zowie, deduction...
- Take a job as a whaler in Alaska? Bam, take $10K for ship repairs.
- Pull a Justin Beiber doing 140 in your red Maserati on I-280 just outside of Palo Alto? Deduct those lawyer fees baby.
- Lose your hair in a mine shaft explosion? You guessed it, wigs are deductible - hair transplants nope.
- Hit a deer speeding in I-280? Deduct the deer carcass to feed hungry homeless in Palo Alto.
- Had to hire someone to look after your kid? Yep. Deduction.
- Bingo losses are deductible - you know, because it's gambling.
- Breast cancer survivor? Deduct the cost to put back what nature so cruelly took from you - this is probably the only fair one in the list.
