Things were going pretty well until Merrill started drag-racing in the produce department knocking over bins of potatoes and stands of bananas.
Store clerks called the cops when the crazed shopping-cart marauder started for the door dragging squashed bananas and crushed boxes of cereal behind the cart.
An employee had Moses cornered in the parking lot when the cops pulled up. Merrill was in deep doodoo - the elderly grocery shopper had four-times the legal limit of booze coursing through his liver and enough shoplifted chocolate chip cookies and Betty Crocker cake mix to feed half the Eskimos in the Aleutian chain.
This wasn't Merrill's first drunken joy-ride in a motorized shopping cart. The burnout has prior DUI, domestic assault, drunk in public, criminal trespass and theft convictions.
Maybe Alaska needs a drunk-motor-scooter-shopping-cart three-strikes law with sobriety check-points mandated inside grocery stores and Walmarts. Or maybe Alaska should just deport Merrill to the Texas where they know how to deal with guys like him.
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