iPhone Funeral Plans At Samsung

Apple is advised to resist Carl Icahn and hang on to their cash.

The Galaxy S4: 5-inch 1080p screen, 2.71" wide, .31" thick, 4.5oz in a shatterproof polycarbonate shell takes center stage.

Stuff the Galaxy can do while the iPhone pukes on it's own shoes: The S4 tracks users 'eyes' scrolling without touching. Watching a movie? The S4 pauses the film if you look away.

Texting? Passe. Powerful voice recognition takes dictation, replies, forwards and saves messages verbally. Voice recognition is core in the translator feature, which speaks nine languages.

Messy fingerprints on the touchscreen? Must be an iPhone. The S4 screen 'senses' fingers hovering just above the screen. The iPhone is a disease carrier passing mouth to hands each use.

Plus twin cameras front (13mp) and back (2mp) and software that dynamically edits out photo-bombers.

Done yet?  How about twice the battery storage of the iPhone.

Funeral services for the iPhone will be held throughout the year. Sending gifts to the bereaved are not required. Simply deposit your old iPhone in a Verizon recycle bin when you trade for the Samsung S4.