Science: Butt Sniffing Breakthrough

Finally science answers mankind's oldest question. Why is butt sniffing an accepted form of first contact?

The answer comes from Dr Daniel Wesson, of Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine. Dr Dan says rats sniff each other to signal a social hierarchy and work out a ‘conflict avoidance signal’ mechanism.

After spending too much time in the lab one night Dan noticed two rats sniffing more furiously than usual and with greater quantity, depth and precision. Dr Dan concluded that something special was clearly at play.  But Dr Dan says once the dominant rat establishes the higher quantity of sniffing the lowlier rat must get the 'less sniff' response done quickly or face a fierce reprisal in the anterior regions.

‘These novel and exciting findings show that how one animal sniffs another greatly matters within their social network,’ said Dr Dan excitedly.

Dr Dan didn't explain why dogs sniff human crotch too. But really the larger point is why a full fledged medical doctor is dedicating himself to even trying to answer butt sniffing questions to start with.

But hey, Obama is spending $175,587 to determine whether cocaine makes Japanese quails engage in sexually risky behavior. So why not.

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