Dick says he blacked-out on anti-depressant meds and whiskey. Howling like a dog Dick took a carving fork from a drawer and plunged it into his girlfriends parrot. Then for some reason got really pissed and trashed the house. His girlfriend wasn't home at the time.
The judge issued the order and banned Dick from owning or even going near an animal for five years. In fact, Dick is not allowed to even pet anyone else's dog. Plus Dick has to attend a parrot-stabbing rehab for a year and pay his girlfriend for all the crap he broke.
Dick's girlfriend was in court with twenty of her family and relatives sneering from the gallery. Dick says he is sorry but most agreed his 'crime' was 'depraved, hideous and barbaric.'
See where things are going folks? Touch a parrot and you get nearly a year in jail. Kill your kid in the womb and you get Time magazine's person of the year (Sandra Fluke).