115-Year Tortoise Marriage Ends In Shell Attack

A marriage that goes the distance is a thing to behold.

Major milestones of 25, 50, even 75 years brings a smile to even the most cynical love skeptics.  Why? Because 90% end before the 10 year mark.

A list of the world's longest unions Daniel and Susan Bakerman had their knot tied for 91 years 12 days before Susan died.

But humans are hackers compared to a pair of tortoises at Austrian Zoo in Klagenfurt, Austria.

After 115 years (records on tortoise unions are tough to get) Bibi and Poldi have split-pond.  No one knows why.

‘We get the feeling they can't stand the sight of each other anymore,’ said Zoo boss Helga Happ. And there is no way to determine when and why the mega-marriage started to sink.

Zoo officials say Bibi, the female, wanted out first. Bibi attacked Poldi – biting off a chunk of his shell. And kept up the assaults until Poldi got the message and took the two days it takes for a 115 year old half-ton tortoise to crawl twenty-feet out of the area.

Zoo workers leapt to action. They fed the turtles aphrodisiacs and tried to get them playing giant turtle games. Nothing worked. What the heck can a tortoise aphrodisiac be? And when was the last time they had sex -the year the Red Sox sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees? Sorry. Back to the story.

The pair are now kept apart since Bibi, at 220 pounds and armed with a horned beak able to crack a tortoise shell cashed out. 

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