Teeming Colonies Of Mites Infesting Humans

Demodex brevis are tiny, ugly, nasty, hideous, Godless creatures that live at the base of hair follicles on your face and nipples.

They feed on skin cells and swarm in nightly sex orgies breeding massive mite colonies.  All while you sleep.

Out-of-control outbreaks can lead to acne and worse.  and when they die the mite-carcasses release the bacteria behind rosacea.

The cure?

1. Bathe or shower hourly.
2. Use non greasy lotions, sunscreens and body lubes.
3. Loofa dead skin cells like your life depended on it.
4. Drip hot candle wax on sensitive areas and don't go outside
5. Wear a hazmat suit to bed after pouring kerosene on your nipples.
6. Stay away from the homeless and India
7. Give up and accept them like an alien life-form that will only die when you do.

The good news?  There is no good news.  But just remember, these are only a few of the creatures calling your body home. Next week we'll talk about what's thriving under your fingernails, between your toes and in your intestines.