Gird your loins and start pulling off your clothes for the strip search. Now run to the gate and find out your flight is 2 hours late and the plane just moved to the other side of the airport.
Still, the reward for perseverance is...
Cold & Flu - 100 times the risk of getting a cold or flu and there's E Coli and Salmonella on the armrests waiting for you.
Thrombosis - deep vein blowups and dehydration loom while sitting coiled like a cobra in a snake charmers basket. And the air is dryer than a popcorn fart so your sinuses scream and your lungs play dead.
Breathing - oxygen levels set to 8,500 feet. Sea level dwellers feel and look like a ball of chewed twine after a long flight.
Hearing - on 115 decibel takeoffs the noise is louder than grandpa’s Sunday go-to-meet'n tie. The 95 to 100 decibel cruise pounds your ear like a jackhammer or a subway train. Ignore the kid next to you...
Jet Lag - a 2007 study showed cognitive decline, psychotic disorders and signs of heart disease and cancer.
Radiation - on a round trip from DC to Bejing you get the same dose as a full chest x-ray.
Constipation & Bad Breath - your ass compresses like a chunk of road kill and your gut gurgles like the inside an outhouse after a lightning strike.
And don't even think about the last two airline crashes. They happen in three's you know...
