French Fork Foils Food Fanatics

The HAPIfork has arrived.  HAPIlabs is peddling a vibrating fork from France that measures food and zaps the mouth based on how fast, how much, and how long a person gormandizes their grits.

The palpitating tonged, LED-light flashing fork is for your mouth not your other orifices just in case you started salivating for the wrong reason just now.

The fork is based on the Pavlov saliva dripping dog dealie.   A mild punishment becomes associated with eating too fast training the brain just like Pavlov's dogs.  Instead of salivating at the sound of a bell the eater develops an aversion to lifting a fork full of food.

Did you know eating too fast makes you fat?  The thalamus monitors blood sugar triggering a Limbic system reaction telling the brain to put the fork down.  The thalamus needs a little time to 'see' you packing your ass full of fat though.

So there is a little biology to back up the fibrillating food cop.  Will the eater obey or abrogate?  Or will a lighting strike to the gums be required anyway?  After all, it took a lifetime of rapid fire doughnuts to get where you are.

Did we mention you have to eat everything with a HAPIfork - even a burger and big gulp Pepsi?