Zipper Mutilations Rise

Men risk life-changing pain and mutilation zipping and unzipping their pants. 

Herman Singh Bagga's study in the British Journal of Urology International charges zipper injuries as the single most common cause of penile injury in adult men. Nearly 20,000 mastications required emergency medical treatment over a decade of mindless zippering (fly fishing).

Injuries range from primitive pube removal to full-fledged scrotum scathing. The chief injury requiring circumcision to restore function.

Mr Bagga admits he's done it himself and advises that once entangled do not panic despite the pain.

Herman says once you get the signal the zipper is climbing up your nads, stop, back the zipper up slowly. Then tacitly spot check for damage. If the zipper won't budge then accept the verdict and get thee to an emergency room. Infection is a bigger danger than humiliation having a nurse cut away the damage.

No special consideration was given regarding Asian men versus Black males. But logic dictates those transporting longer crotch rockets require more care than those with standard issue.

And if the problem persists give up and switch to button-fly Levis instead. Don't play dice with your danglers.

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