Feel'n extra ornery after the holidays?
Got malice, malevolence, maliciousness, malignancy, malignity, meanness, mordacity or mendacity on your mind?
Here's the quickest top ten ways to get back at people for trying to be nice to you and give you crap for Christmas.
Being mean and crazy is a birthright so don't squander it pretending to be a swell person either pal - you know who you are and it ain't all that pretty:
- Plant yourself in a lawn chair in the front yard and point a hair dryer at passing cars - keep track of the ones that call 911.
- When doing a little public speaking, keep licking your lips, bob your head like a parakeet and laugh out loud at your own jokes - see how long it takes for the room to empty..
- Keep changing seats at a restaurant until a manager figures you for an OCD dribble-job and demands you leave.
- Drive 35mph in the fast lane with the right blinker on then cut everyone off exiting at a 90 degree angle. Most will assume you're Asian.
- Keep a wet towel in your front pocket so it looks like you peed your pants. When someone looks ask them if they have hankie.
- Write a check in a grocery store after penning 'for sexual favors' in the memo field. If the clerk reacts demand free groceries.
- Say 'ya know', 'right back atchya', 'at the end of the day', 'data point', 'teachable moment', and 'I feel ya' during a job interview. Blame THEM when you don't get the job.
- While waiting in a line rip a loud fart and shoot a stare at the person next to you and behind you.
- Get loaded at the company party. Saunter over to the bosses wife and say, 'Whuzzup Beatch.'
- Admit to others you voted for Obama.
