Doggie Decadence

Chihuahua Queenie has $30,000 in canine couture.  No. The dog didn't inherit money from some wretched recluse who pissed away a fortune on a pint-sized pet, nor is Queenie a real Queen.

“I spend way more money on Queenie and her wardrobe than I do on myself,” says the 50-year-old running Licks of London...clothes for canines.

“I just can’t help myself and when I can, I make sure we’re matching even when it comes to her poo [shit] bags,” admits Ms. Josephine Carter.

Worse?

“Queenie has the highest-end beauty products including her toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner and doggy nail varnish,” gloats Carter.

Sure, sure...there's starving kids in S. America and Africa...so what!

Cloning T-Rex

A pregnant, preserved 68-million year old Tyrannosaurus Rex was found in Montana opening the 'opportunity' to clone one back to life.

Lindsay Zanno at North Carolina State University says the dinosaur and its egg contains the necessary DNA to make it happen.

This weeks after experts from the University of Chile managed to grow dinosaur legs on a chicken.

What the hell's going on?  Aren't nuke war, ISIS, Ebola, Zika, pandemic flu, comets, alien invaders, giant-loud-whistles and Hillary Clinton enough to worry about?

Fast Food Wage Fight

CEO Andy Pudzer of Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s toured the first worker free eatery in the USA  - Etsa.

Pudzer wants to block #FIGHTFOR15 by getting rid of human workers.

Pudzer notes robots “[are] always polite, ...always upsell, ...never take a vacation, ...never show up late, ...never a slip-and-fall, or [file] an age, sex, or race discrimination case."

Say bye-bye min wagers.

DOJ To Seize Apple's OS

Make no mistake, Apple is blowing smoke alleging the data retrieval from one iPhone will somehow magically crash all iPhones.

DOJ will make Apple get the data off the terrorists iPhone even if it costs Cook and crew the whole enchilada (the company).

DOJ says they will take the source code of the OS and peel away the layers themselves!   At that point Cook can count on a cacophony of unintended consequences.

Tired of playing chicken yet Tim?

Pee Free In NYC

Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance Jr. says the NYPD can forget arresting people for public consumption of alcohol, public urination, littering, riding between subway cars or taking more than one subway seat.

He won't prosecute.

So are people finally free to pee profusely and litter lavishly wherever and whenever they want?  Uh huh. 

Seems NYC has 700,000 outstanding warrants on wanton wandering wizzers.  So why not give up - the place smells like a monkey cage anyway.

Man Waterboards Girlfriend

Dylan VanCamp is charged with six felonies and three misdemeanors, including suffocation, stalking and battery.

VanCamp waterboarded his girlfriend to force her to falsely confess she was cheating.

It seems VanCamp has priors for bail jumping, possession of drug paraphernalia, disorderly conduct, battery, strangulation and suffocation.

VanCamp faces a mere decade in prison for the current cacophony of crimes. 

What the turd needs is a sack of shit tied over his head then chained to a rock and tossed over a Wisconsin bridge.  But then someone would prolly run into him in a canoe.

Anti-Gay Students

Shadow Hills High School in LA is seeing a sprouting of students sporting anti-LGBT stickers. 

Michelle Bachman, a senior at the school and head of the Gay Straight Alliance decries the decals are “definitely hate speech." 

But the school district says, “After consulting with district level personnel and our legal counsel, it was determined that these students do have the protected right to freedom of speech, just as students portraying rainbows in support of the LGBT would.”

Looks like this time the stickers stay. 

MSNBC Cleans House

MSNBC trails Fox News horrifically so is pivoting away from left-wing quackery and toward hard news.

Melissa-Harris Perry is among the first of such hacks to be shown the door.  Her last appearance on air was right after she defied her bosses and did a show on the Beyonce black panther debacle at the Super Bowl.

Perry whined, “I will not be used as a tool for their purposes, I am not a token, mammy, or little brown bobble head. I am not owned by...MSNBC.”

Eric Holder took to Twitter daftly defending the race-baiting Perry,  “She brought to television voices/perspectives too often unheard/ignored. Truth was her guide.”

Sorry Eric, the 'truth' wasn't central to what you did or anything the "little brown bobble head" did on air, either.

Iowa Arms Kids

Iowa's House of Rep passed a bill last week allowing kids fourteen or younger to handle a semi-automatic handgun, revolver or ammo under parental supervision.

Iowa already lets kids fire rifles and shotguns. But if a tot picks up a handgun it's a felony.

Opponents claim the bill is 'ridiculous' and will lead to a 'militia of toddlers'.

Rep. Jake Highfill says, 'Allowing people to learn at a young age the respect that a gun commands is one of the most important things you can do.'

Notice gun grabbers want kids to learn about sex and abortion as toddlers.  But guns?  The usual crap from the curmudgeons.

Sharpton's Trump Tantrum

Al Sharpton says he'll flee the USA when Donald Trump wins the presidency...he claims fear of being deported.

Maybe Sharpton forgot he owes the IRS millions?

Al could get a big bus and take Michael Moore, Joy Behar, Pelosi, Reid, Obama, Shummer, Sanders, PETA, Penn, Durbin, Wasserman-Schultz, Farrakhan, Streisand, Soros, Boxer, Warren, Whoopie, the Dixie Chicks, everyone in BlackLivesMatter, everyone at NBC, CNN, NYT, Media Matters, DailyKos and Huffington Post with him.

Hillary and Holder have to stay though because Trump is gonna prosecute them while Mexico builds the wall.

NASA's Mystery Space Music

After decades of silence NASA released a 1969 tape from the Apollo 10 mission which recorded 'music' from the far side of the moon.

'You hear that? That whistling sound? Whooooooooo!' one astronaut says. Another answers, 'It sounds like, you know, outer space-type music.' 'Well, that sure is weird music,' the first guy concludes.

The 'music' lasted the whole hour the capsule was on the far side of the moon.

Magnetic field or atmosphere interference? Nope. The moon has no magnetic field and not enough atmosphere to interfere with radios.

The origin of the 'music' remains a mystery.

Man Killed On Facebook

Terri-Marie Palmer, 23, broke down after being convicted for killing her boyfriend Damon Searson, 24, citing his Facebook obsession.

Palmer posted: “He pissed me off sitting on Facebook, completely blanking me when I’m talking to him."

Palmer complained, “Crying myself to sleep for the second time this week and it’s only Wednesday. Thanks Damon. I’m so angry and hurt I honestly want to fucking stab you.”

On August 14, 2015 she stabbed him to death with a butter knife.  She'll serve 12 years before her first parole hearing.  And won't be allowed on Facebook for the rest of her life.

Coach Fired For Race Remark

Indiana basketball coach Vicki Rogers got bounced from her job after a pre-game pep talk pissed off some parents.

One witness said the coach said, “I don’t care what you think about what I am about to say, but you better not go out there and act black like the ghetto girls at Pierre Moran.”

One parent, whose daughter is black, says she fears her daughter will associate “ghetto” with bad behavior and her skin color now.

Despite the team voting to bring the coach back the school says Rogers has to complete a "sensitivity training" before being allowed to return.

Wonder if the race Nazi's will try for a war tribunal verdict on Ms Rogers?

Night Lights Cause Cancer

A new Israeli study concludes artificial light at night (ALAN) causes weight gain and breast/prostate cancers.

The culprit appears to be a disruption of melatonin, a hormone produced by animals and humans to control metabolism and kill cancers.

Nataliya Rybnikova of Haifa University compiled satellite images of ALAN from more than 80 countries.  High obesity and cancer rates correlated in countries with high ALAN.

The takeaway? Get a day job and get your ass in bed by 10pm.

ISIS Dirty Bomb Fear

Back in 2011 Obama pulled US troops handing Iraq to ISIS.  It's Obama's legacy stain wasting US life and treasure.

But the real horror is more insidious.

Last year a suitcase full of nuclear material went missing in Basra leading to the legitimate fear that ISIS took the stuff.

If true, ISIS will no doubt make a dirty bomb.  Possibly the only questions left remaining are when and where, not if...

Student Loan Deadbeats Arrested

The US Marshals Service is arresting people for not repaying their federal student loans.

Paul Aker, left says seven armed US Marshals took him from his house to federal court where he had to sign a payment plan for the 30-year in arrears loan.

The federal government hired private debt collectors who are getting judgements in federal court and getting the US Marshals Service to arrest those who have failed to pay their long overdue loans.

The Marshalls service says Aker isn't the first and won't be the last since some 1200 to 1500 such warrants are already on the books.

No wonder these kids are frothing for Sanders' "free college" bribe.

FCC: Free Speech Dying

FCC commissioner Ajit Pai says free speech is dying.

"Is it unthinkable that some government agency would say ... everything from the Drudge Report to Fox News … is playing unfairly? I don't think so," Pai correctly warns.

Pai points the finger at the left who are more and more ready to squash speech they don't like. 

"Largely what we're seeing, especially on college campuses, is that if my view is in the majority and I don't agree with your view, then I have the right to shout you down, disrupt your events, or otherwise suppress your ability to get your voice heard."

Ironic the once robust defense of free speech at Berkeley has been demolished.  Today's college kids are eager to dislodge, dis-invite, deride, and drive away anyone who challenges their left-wing professors. 

Sex Stops Senility

New science from Coventry University raises hope for those fearing and fighting off senility.

The team rounded up 7000 old-timers ranging in age fifty to eighty-nine years old.  The hapless ancients were quizzed about their sex lives and made to answer number of questions on a series of mental tests.

Men who can still drive Miss Daisy home scored 23% higher than guys retired from grazing in the booty pasture.

And women who reported they can still find the salami did well too.

Researchers suspect sex hormones, like dopamine and oxytocin, are driving brain reward centers during sex leading to longer and stiffer cognitive function.

Bad Haircut Bad Blood

San Diegoan Adrian Blanchce Swain, 29, not pictured left, happily paid barber Manny Montero for a $20 haircut and left a $20 tip.

An hour later, Swain swung back to the shop to complain about the 'do.' When Manny failed to placate Adrian she pulled out a gun and tried to fire three times at the unyielding barber, but the gun jammed.

Montero and co-barber Chris Tatum tackled Swain. Tatum says, 'When she came back in, she did not have the same haircut that she actually left with.'

Tatum said the cops found razors inside Swain's car and had apparently 'shaved her [own] hair'.

Holy crap-on-a-cracker Adrian, you do know it grows back, right?

Adult Diapers Explode

Kimberly-Clark makes the Depend Silhouette disposable diapers for adults. 

As birth rates fall baby-boomers are rolling into old age at horrifying rates.  In a year more adult nappies will be sold than baby poop catchers.

One in three adults—more than 80% of them women—have bladder control issues.   So K-C makes the Poise Impressa which inserts into the vagina like a tampon and promptly pinches off urine.

Ads for the Impressa tout, “lets you laugh without leaks.”
K-C plans to laugh and pee all the way to the bank.