Trump Vandal Electrocuted

Hillary personifies corruption.  Her slithery sidestepping of national security laws have stained the Democrats, FBI and DOJ.

So when a dastardly Democrat is dealt a little payback, well it just seems extra fair these days...

Witness the stealthy Trump sign snatcher dealt a 20amp, 220 volt jolt.  And to add insult to injury the turd's malfeasance is also caught on camera leading to his arrest for vandalism.

As pitcher Preacher Roe once said, "Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you."

Sex Makes Men See God

New research at Duke and North Carolina University uncovers the odd idea that sex makes men more likely to believe in God.

Scientist attribute the phenomenon to the infamous “cuddle hormone”, Oxtocin, which pours into the bloodstream during orgasm and heightens ecstasy and a religious reaction.

Oxytocin is said to also evoke other emotions such as awe, gratitude, hope, inspiration, love, and serenity. 

How much Oxytocin you get is geared to the presence of the gene CD38, which regulates the hormone’s release in the brain.

Apparently Atheists don't have the gene and are therefore doomed to a short life of disrespect, despair, ingratitude, animosity, anxiety, and a lack of nooky.

Scrotox Storm Brewing

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Spare Rib Dog Paws?

Ashley Jefferson says the China Palace in Havre de Grace, Maryland swapped her spare ribs for dog paws.

After staring at the odd delectable she says she started to hurl.  So she bolted to the ladies room to iSnap some proof and posted the puppy paw pictures on Facebook.

But no one bit.

So blond Ashley snapped some real dog paws posting those alongside her spare ribs, captioning:  "I googled a dead dog paw and took a pic of what they delivered to me... and tell me if I'm wrong but they look exactly the same."

The folks at China Palace quickly au contraire'd insisting the lady mistook cartilage for toe nails.  Plus the Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene agreed, "There is no evidence of any dog meat in this facility."

Hey Ashley...tried the cockroach stew over at the Been There Thai'd That restaurant yet?

Criminal Gene Discovered

Jeff Dahlmer was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD):

Some 70% of the 2.3 million prison population are ASPD compared to 3% in the general population.  These animals are:

    Charming and obsequiousness manipulating others
    Break the law repeatedly
    Reckless with the safety of self and others
    Have a history of substance abuse
    Lie, steal, and are quick to anger and confrontation
    Boastful and arrogant showing no guilt or remorse

Science has long suspected prison inmates may be born criminals. And now there is proof.

'...gene rs4714329 was found to be broadly associated with the different aspects of ASPD,’ reads the study published in the journal Translational Psychiatry.

Gay Traffic Lights

London's wrong-headed traffic program replacing 'walk' and 'green man' in traffic lights with LGBTQ symbols is confusing pedestrians.

The lights are getting two male 'partners' or two women holding hands.  And some are getting hyper complicated transgender symbols.

Jennifer Riordan, 26, from Leeds, says,  “I have gay and LGBT friends and they’re not my ‘gay’ friends, they are just my friends...don’t draw attention to different gender choices, just let people be who they want.”

Well Jennifer the social engineers are not interested in letting people be who they want.  Some seem hell-bent on killing people in cross-walks in the name of gender confusion.

Putin Poisoned Hillary?

Paranoid delusions and conspiracy theory seem to ooze from Hillary more readily than a rational idea or constructive comment.

Astonishingly we find it was Hillary behind the Obama birther conspiracy.

A few weeks ago she blamed Russia and Trump for the DNC email hacks.  And once blamed Bill's impeachment on a "vast right wing conspiracy."

So why be shocked when a shill on the left cooks up a poisoning theory to explain Hillary's health problems?

Dr Bennet Omalu, the MD who ran-down the NFL concussion question, tweeted: "I must advice (sic) the Clinton campaign to perform toxicological analysis of Ms Clinton's blood...possible she is being poisoned...I do not trust Mr Putin and Mr Trump..."

The theory points to Putin's list of opponents who were indeed poisoned. The problem? Putin would rather have Hillary in the WH than Trump...Hillary has already proven she is no match for Vlad out in the real world.

Hillary Birthed Birther Baloney

The Washington Post confirmed Hillary Clinton started the Birther Movement.

That's right folks. The shadowy Obama citizenship conspiracy came from Hillary herself as verified today by Hillary's 2008 campaign manager.

The Hillary campaign also circulated a picture of Obama in a turban in an attempt to paint him as a Muslim masticater.

In 2008 Obama’s campaign manager David Plouffe slammed the Hillary crew as,  “the most shameful, offensive fear-mongering we’ve seen...in this election."

Deja Vu all over again huh Hillary?

Women Obsolete

A bio-sciences landmark has been achieved at the University of Bath paving the way for a baby born just from the DNA of a single male's sperm.

Three generations of mice have already been created using the technique. 

For now two sperm are used, but in theory, the technique should work with any cell in the body once half the chromosomes are removed before fusing them with a sperm's chromosomes.

Artificial womb's are reality and can fully incubate a human embryo to term.  In essence, a single male can now reproduce, or two gay men, or even cells/sperm cryogenically preserved from any age male today for future offspring reproduction.

Women are now antiquated and antediluvian.   The human race no longer needs them...

Hillary 911 Collapse

By now most must know Hillary is sick.  Today she collapsed entirely and had to be carried into her van as she tried to make her way back from a 911 Memorial event.

In a sense what's happening to Hillary is Karma...after decades of Machiavellian shenanigan she's just not gonna make it to the finish line.

Yesterday Hillary pee'd on her own shoes after revealing what she REALLY thinks about about us, “...you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the ‘basket of deplorables,' [they are] racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic, you name it..."

As the chief counsel for the US Army told witch hunter Sen. Joe McCarthy , "At long last, have you left no sense of decency?"

Her failing health and piss-poor attitude is a definitive deal breaker, folks.

Suicide By Fat

Remember Nick Cage drinking himself to death in Leaving Las Vegas?  Well here's the same story only it's EATING oneself to death and not leaving Ft. Worth, Texas.

Monica Riley is consuming 8,000 calories a day converting her 700 pound porcine potbelly into a bed-wrecking 1,000 pound immovable mass of marshmallows.   She says so she can feel like a "queen."

To get there as fast as she can Monica's 'boyfriend" Sid Riley makes bucket sized shakes consisting of ten Pop Tarts, heavy-duty cream, ice cream, milk and weight-gain powder.  Then Sid stands on a step stool to cascade the concoction down her throat with a funnel.

Monica said: "The bigger I get the sexier I feel. I love my big soft belly and stuffing myself with food really turns me on."

And after a pair of miscarriages the two are trying for a kid. But the sex seems to be more fantasy than reality.

Monica's other dream?   One day she hopes Sid will build her a bed with a toilet in center.

Can't make a story like this up, folks.  Not even you're Stephen King.

Ethanol Worse Than Gasoline

Surprise!  The greenies wrong again.

Ethanol the magic elixir costing taxpayers billions, destroying engines and pipelines, and now proven worse for the air than gasoline emissions seems somehow poetic.

A new study from the U of Michigan’s Energy Institute shows busting up prairie land releases excess CO2.  Then cooking corn and fermenting it requires even more energy bubbling off yet more CO2 making a net INCREASE in CO2 production over gasoline.

The study also concludes: “using government mandates and subsidies to promote politically favored fuels is a waste of taxpayers’ money.”

IKEA Testicle Trap

The five-buck IKEA Marius stool is classically clean and simple but leave it up to some Nordic doorknob to find a way to get captured in a cold shower with his nutsack trapped in one.

Claus Jørstad, 45, needed to sit while showering because he has bad knees. With the water flowing Claus settled in for his first hot steam with the stool. But the setup went sideways swiftly. A testicle had subtly settled into a vent hole and the steam swelled it stuck. Claus was one with the Marius.

Then things got crazy. Sitting beyond reach of the faucet the hot water turned ice cold and the immobilized goon pondered reaching for a hair dryer to stay warm. Lucky for Claus the pooling icy water emancipated the anchored gonad before he could electrocute himself.

Jørstad sits on a towel now and life is larger, but not without risk...at least not for a guy with bad knees and a shower stool from IKEA.

Man Taints Gay Lube

A 62-year-old male crept into "Sydney's gay and bi social club" with "three levels of adult adventure" called Aarows and filled a 'lubrication' dispenser with hydrochloric acid.

The dispensers had been tampered with before and were fitted with alarms. 

The perp's been charged with administering poison with the intent to cause injury, distress or pain, and malicious damage.

When asked why, the man said, "It could be anything really. People are perverted".

Obama MD: Hillary's Neurological Exam

Dr. David Scheiner says Hillary Clinton needs her head examined to prove she's fit to be POTUS.

Dr. Scheiner examined the chain-smoking Obama back in 2008 and declared his fitness for the office.

Dr. Scheiner says a complete neurological exam from an independent medical resource and the results submitted to an independent medical review should do the trick.

The retired MD says he'll be voting for Hillary provided she is fit to serve.

Vladimir Putin Arrested

West Palm Beach, Fl cops got a call a man was screaming at employees in a downtown Publix supermarket.

Managers confronted Vladimir Putin, a huge guy with a goatee, not the leader of Russia and demanded he exit the premises, but he refused.

Vladimir told the cops he was upset because he missed his ride. 

Putin now faces a charge of resisting/obstructing officer without violence.

Hillary & Mother Teresa

Bill and Hillary Clinton had a BIG problem with Mother Teresa.

In a 1997 prayer breakfast with Bill and Hillary hosting Mother Teresa railed against abortion, calling it the “greatest destroyer of peace today,” a “war against the child,” and “murder by the mother herself.”

The room erupted in a standing ovation.  But at the head table, a few feet from Mother Teresa, the Clintons and the Gores sat in stony silence, not standing, not clapping, tight-fisted and pissed.

Mother Teresa was not raising the issue accidentally, just a year earlier, on the first day of Bill's presidency, Hillary demanded Bill sign five executive orders authorizing federal funding for abortion.

Next Sunday Pope Francis will declare Mother Teresa a saint.  And twenty-years later Hillary remains an evil turd eager to kill millions more unborn kids, but then who are we to judge, right? 

Anatomy Of A Liberal

Ohio "Gorilla Man" Busted

The morning started quietly at the Warren City, OH DMV.  But things went sideways fast after Timothy Cook, 32, showed up.

Soon after entering the building Cook started waving his arms wildly, “growling and punching the cement.”  Then Cook ran outside and  “began masturbating on the sidewalk,” according to a police report.

When the cops tried to capture the masturbater, he was sweating profusely and "acting like a gorilla...squatting on all fours, punching the blacktop and jumping up and down screaming incoherently.”

Paramedics treated the maniac for an apparent overdose of an unknown substance.

Cook has prior arrests for drug possession, theft, burglary, criminal trespass, breaking and entering, domestic violence, possession of drug paraphernalia, and carrying a concealed weapon.

Now Cook gets to explain the masturbating gorilla act to other inmates...should be a hoot.

Dildo Defender

On August 1st the University of Texas' allowed conceal and carry firearms.

Pissed off students say guns are allowed but sexual aids are not so they organized a “Cocks Not Glocks: Campus (Dildo) Carry.” protest. The sex-crazed students say, “we are strapping [4,500] gigantic swinging dildos to our backpacks in protest of campus carry.”

In opposition to the opposition a counter-protest was organized. A "Clocks Not Cocks" campaign insists, “One of the most important aspects of college life is being punctual for class.”

Which group will do better against a terrorist or serial shooter?  Guess...